EXPERIENCE (english version) [+18]

1 - the plane

uh, hi. this is my diary, i guess. i'm gonna write here, from start to finish, the experiences i've had with billie eilish. (yea, that famous singer, crazy right?) unfortunally, it's not a long history. i wish it was. it's not about love, starbucks, diners and those type of shit. it's about sex and headache. on both heads. a lot of it.

let's get started!

so, my name's K. yea, it's just a letter i know. obviously i wasn't born with this name. i hope nobody never finds out about my deadname. that's why i move out from brazil to united states. when my parents... died. not really died, they're just dead to me. they never gave me love, so... yeah. i got some money and move out when i made 18 years old. i think they don't miss me. blah blah blah, let's get to the fun stuff.

i have two genitals. cool, right? penis and vagina. probably the dream of y'all. but it wasn't cool at all of me, cause i just wanted to be "normal" you know? people just don't get it. they wanna know how you look down here before they date or fuck you. i don't wanna talk about my genitals bro, i just wanna netflix and chill.

but she change my mind.

i never embranced one gender expression cause i just don't feel like it. i'm fluid as fuck. i like to paint my nails, cut my hair short, use skirts and shit. old people hate me. that's why my parents hate me - soon i found out that they aren't my biological parents. they wanted me to do some surgery to cut my dick off and be a girl. not cool. i hate them.

YEAH BUT I'M NOT HERE TO TALK ABOUT MY PARENTS.

i'm here to talk about billie fucking eilish.

so my story starts here

••••

it was 7:33 a.m of december 22, 2019. i was finally doing what i waited years to do. moving out of home and starting a new life on a new country, where nobody know who i am, what's my name and what i have between my legs. i was doing this before christimas cause brazilian christimas is just a lot of people, family and questions. i don't want to talk with disgusting people.

my hands were sweating and every inch of my body was trembling, with my heart kicking faster and faster.

as soon as i sat in my seat in the plane, of the opposite side of the window, i breathe out deeply. it really sucks that i'm gonna have to be with some stranger for the next 22 hours, but whatever. i pick up my phone and look at my reflection on the black screen. my hair was a little bigger that usual, some daek curls in my forehead. i had bags under my eyes and my hazel eyes were reddish. i noticed that i've grown a lot. i look more mature. i was a nightmare for the traditional brazilian family, cause nobody can tell if i'm a boy or a girl. i'm just A THING.

suddenly a girl appears and sits on my side, on the window. she akwardly tries to not touch me.

- excuse me - she says and remembers me to start thinking in english

- no problem - i answer without looking at her face cause i'm a introvert

i unlock my phone and press play on the playlist i made for the trip. it starts in "bitches broken hearts - billie eilish"

- ha! that's my song! - the girl on my side says, loudly

- yeah, that's my song too, i love it - i answer, without looking at her

yea so i'm like EXTREMELY introvert, i hate people, looking at people, talking to people...

- no, you silly, that's literally my fucking song bro - she said and suddenly her voice turns out to be familiar

i turn my head to the right and OH MY FUCKING GOD THAT'S FUCKING BILLIE EILISH OH FUCK

- OH, FUCK - i said, stuttering

and then she starts to laugh out loud.

__________

that's it for this chapter