Finding Querencia

Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE

AT SOME POINT in our life, we really have to make tough choices.

"Ahm. Congratulations po." Nanantyang sambit ni Jessy the assisstant of Attorney Giana Ramos, as she introduced, as I she gave me a simple nod. "Alis na po ako, Ma'am." She continued at kimi akong nginitian.

I was only able to answer her with a nod because of the turmoil swirling in my head— and that I didn't notice that she already left our home. Napasandal na lang ako sa inuupuan ko habang natutulala at naiiyak. Iniisip ko kung tama bang pumayag ako sa kasalang ito kay River. I huffed as I remember why I came to this point of my life.

Well, it all started with my parents along with River's parents. Matalik na magkaibigan ang pamilya namin— at lagi nga kaming inaasar simula bata pa lang kami ni River. Until, they have thought to wed us— because our age is an issue to them.

My goodness! Ayaw ko pang mag-asawa talaga— as in not in my dreams! Ano ngayon kung mag-t-twenty nine na ako? Like duh— age is just a number and I am not looking forward to add a 'husband' in my contact number— char— pero kung wala akong pakialam— ang parents ko meron. Ang kaso kasi, ang daddy at mommy ko ang lakas mag-drama— they were pursuading me since the last two years of my life, ngayon lang ako bumigay dahil hindi talaga nila ako tinitigilan at kung ano-ano ang ginagawa makumbinsi lang ako.

I actually cannot blame them, my mom got married with my dad at the age of 31 and they had me when my mom was 34— nagkaroon kasi ng problema sa panganganak ang mama ko nang mga panahon na 'yon dahil 8 months pa lang ako no'n sa tyan niya at bigla s'yang dinugo kaya gano'n na lang ang takot nila na baka umabot ako sa puntong 'yon kapag hindi ako nag-asawa kaagad.

I always say that it won't happen— kasi nga wala naman talaga akong balak mag-asawa—pero medyo mga paranoid talaga sila at gusto na nila ng apo just like the usual parents who see their child or children getting older or whatso. Hanggang sa maisip ko rin, bakit hindi na lang din ako pumayag? River is a good man and my best friend also, he doesn't have a say to that— he was even saying na why can't we just say yes, since kilala na rin naman namin ang isa't isa at wala naman kaming mga karelasyon— so, maybe we could work it out.

So, I said yes with their plan— at para na rin mapatigil na sila mommy at daddy sa mga tactics nila sa 'kin. Hindi ko alam kung ilang beses na ring nagkaroon ng debate sa utak ko—

And now...

Probably, two weeks from now, when River will finally come back from the convention he attended in Canada, I am surely Mrs. Croia Asterin Cervantes-Hernandez at that time already and there is no pun intended. Hindi ko talaga ma-imagine na magiging isang ganap na misis na ako, huhu.

Shocks, I also never really imagined myself getting married. Naka-plano na talaga ang buhay ko, like, I am never getting married but I do want a kid and I am thinking of adopting nalang, then, mag-isa ako tatanda rito sa malaking botanical garden namin at mag-aalaga lang ng mga halaman— at mamamatay ng payapa kasama ng mga halaman— as simple as that. I know, it maybe sounds absurd but that has always been my personal perception of what life I could have in my future; just me— like that. Pero sabi nga nila— never say never.

So, my plan has been destroyed— but I am hopeful that along the marriage ay makita rin ni River ang totoong gusto niya— hopefully lang naman— at maghihiwalay kami at babalik na muli sa dati ang napaka-simple kong plano sa buong buhay ko.