Chapter 20

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The wind whipped through my hair as we rode downhill. I needed to tell Aleksander that he was probably not going to make rational decisions. Of course he wouldn't. However, he rode ahead of me by too much.

We passed a large group of Fijerdans for the second time. Our suspicion about General Janazain was definitely correct. He wasn't afraid of Aleksander killing him when in his mind, he had already won.

I scolded myself for being so oblivious, for kissing Aleksander, I didn't regret it, but my timing couldn't have been worse. Would I ever get a moment of peace or would this always be the reality for a Grisha like me?

The camp was still out of sight but now I could see smoke, whatever happened since we left had escalated. "Aleksander!" I called, and he finally came to a stop. "We need a plan." I stated.

While dismounting my horse. He did the same. "Do you have any ideas?" He snapped.

"No, but I know we can't just go there and expect it to go well." I explained, though it was probably hopeless. I could see Aleksander's anger and pain very well, he was only focused on revenge.

"We could just kill them all." Zoya suggested.

"What the hell?" I said.

Hopefully Aleksander didn't get any ideas. Zoya rolled her eyes, nobody had an idea. Willow probably would have, she always had a good voice of reason.

Zoya pulled me to the side while Aleksander rode ahead to make sure we could at least get to the camp and there wasn't another trap waiting. "We need to leave," she whispered while fishing something out of her pocket. "You and I both know where this is going."

"What?"

"Clearly being in love has blinded you but he's going to create the fold. We need to kill him at a later time." She hissed.

"Okay, what do I need to do?" I said, hesitantly.

"Put your hands around mine and focus your power into this, and it should take us back." Zoya explained.

I nodded and then wrapped my hands around hers. In Zoya's hands was a small metal circle made of grisha steel. I could feel the same pull I felt the first time.

The moment Zoya was gone, I pulled back.

I had just lost any chance to return home. To have a normal life and I was willing to give it up for Aleksander. Zoya was right, my love had blinded me.

I mounted my horse and caught up to Aleksander.

"A drüskelle just kidnapped Zoya, we need to hurry."

Aleksander came to a stop and jumped off his horse. "Should we find her?" he asked. I shook my head. "I'm sorry," he muttered.

"None of this is your fault." I said gently. I dismounted the horse and came to his side.

Aleksander kissed me, this time it wasn't soft. He kissed me as if it was the last time he would get to. I pulled back. "What are you doing?" I asked.

"What do you think? If we're going to get killed by drüskelle we might as well." He rasped.

"No, we won't. We will be able to spend the rest of our lives together if that's what we want."

"If that's what you want to believe."

It was strange how much I knew about his future. I knew that a part of him that had a good heart would die no matter how long he survived.

Would the same thing happen to me?

"Let's go, we still have some time to get ahead of the drüskelle." Aleksander said after a moment of silence.

I followed, when we got to the camp the walls had been torn down and burned. There was fire everywhere, as were dying soldiers. The only people dead appeared to Grisha. I could tell by their bodies that were burnt. General Janazain must've ordered for otkazat'syas to be spared. And for Grisha to die the way drüskelle thought was necessary.

"We need to find survivors, surely every Grisha can't be dead." Aleksander's voice broke, there was desperation in him that I'd never heard before.

But looking at the destroyed camp I knew there wouldn't be any. "Aleksander, they're all gone." I whispered, horror rising inside of me.

Was this how it would always be? Would my kind always be killed in unspeakable ways for defending ourselves. Was this what turned the Darkling into what he'd become?

How long before I became a monster too?

"We need to do something." I said, my voice was firm. I knew what needed to happen.

"Like what? Everyone I've tried to protect is dead right now."

Aleksander's cheeks were wet with tears. I knew that even if it wasn't now it would be someday that he deserved this pain. However it wasn't now. I wrapped my arms around him, he rested his chin on my shoulder.

"I'm not dead yet."

I wanted to stay in his arms although I knew I couldn't.

"We need to make sure no drüskelle can get past this camp. We couldn't save them but we can save all the grisha east of here. Use your shadows, they can't cross if they can't see." I explained.

I knew the Fold was the very thing I wanted to stop him from making but maybe he wasn't entirely wrong. With me, we could destroy it when the time came. But for now, it was necessary.

Aleksander looked unsure. I needed him to do it, I knew he would but I could hear drüskelle approaching, we didn't have time. "I can't-"

I cut Aleksander off. "Do it. We don't have time."

A rifle fired, proving my point. Aleksander raised his hands, darkness started swarming us.

"Alina! Distract them." Aleksander urged.

I turned my back to him and brought the cut down on the drüskelle that had found us. I couldn't see anything now. We were entirely in the dark. I summoned more light at the drüskelle who were trying to navigate their way through the darkness. I heard an inhuman cry and wings flapping.

The volcra. Aleksander was succeeding and the thought terrified me. I was the one who gave him this idea. What if I was no better than him?

"Alina, you need to run!" Aleksander shouted.

The volcra were everywhere now, I knew they wouldn't touch him. He was the one creating them. I couldn't leave him though. I knew there would be more drüskelle waiting to kill me and if I summoned any more light I could mess up the fold.

I grabbed Aleksander's wrist and pulled him away from the mass of darkness he'd left behind. We ran into the forest, I wasn't worried about drüskelle anymore. The biggest threat was what I'd just helped him make.

"Aleksander." I said.

Both of us were sitting on a patch of grass, staring out at the wall of darkness that faced us.

"Whatever you want to say, it better be quick. I'm about to fall asleep."

I smiled softly, "I love you."

"I love you too." He muttered.

Within a minute he had fallen asleep on me. I continued looking out at the Fold, the sun was starting to rise, the sky was now a deep blue.

I knew I could go down a dark path one day, and I knew the Darkling would. But I would be his balance and he would be mine.

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