Save Me ♦︎

Chapter 14

We walked towards the edge of the cliff about 100 yards away. I one hand I was holding Matt's hand tightly and in the other I was holding a bag with my 4 blades in it.

When we got to the edge I let a tear slip down my cheek. Matt just wiped it away and kissed my forehead before wrapping his arms around my waist from behind.

I stared at the blades. These dull pieces of metal had been my escape for almost 3 years now. But it needs to end. I'm with Matt now. I'm happy.
Happy. That word just seemed happy and I longed for it. I turned the blades over in my hand. I took each of them out one by one. Examining each one and trying to think of the reason that putting metal to your skin and making it bleed somehow took all the pain away. Wow what a stupid little thing. But did it really take all of the pain away? At the end of the day I was still hurt. Still struggling. Still thinking that I could barely hold on. Still. These blades did nothing except etch scars onto my wrists and thighs that will take a long long time to go away.

All of these thoughts swarmed and swam around my head. I leaned forwards a bit and dropped the blades.
one
by
one
by
one
by
one.

I watched them until I could no longer see them. I let the tears cascade down my cheeks and I felt a tug at my heart. I buried my face into Matt's chest and he just held me whispering sweet things. Sweet things that I didn't hear or care to hear.

Because after all, sometimes leaving your depression is harder than staying in it.