Indian Wedding Tales

G I R I S H : part I

"The house feels empty without you"

I am greeted with the laughter of my wife across the line and it's after a stressful day that I realize how much I miss her presence around me. Her laughter eases the bit of stress that had piled up between the blades of my shoulder. I smiled hearing her breathe.

"You said the exact same thing yesterday" She said. I could still feel her smiling as she twirled a random pen or stick between her fingers.

I shrugged.

"It's the truth after all"

"Tell me, what are you making today?" She asked changing the topic.

"Khichdi," I answered as I glanced at the clock. Ten minutes were left before I was officially done for the day and allowed to leave.

"Girish Choudhary, you've never liked khichdi! And this is the third time this week you're making it" My wife's voice rose an octave. I balanced the phone between my ear and shoulder as I collected my things and putting them in my bag.

"So?" I asked shutting off the monitor in front of me.

"SO?! Who are you and what have you done to my husband?" She asked the last part in a whisper, trying her best to imitate a scared wife.

"Radhika, it's simple and easy. So khichdi it is" I said while swinging my bag on my shoulder.

"You know how to cook though," she said with disappointment. "and you cook so well. My sisters are jealous when I tell them how you prepare the world's tastiest Daal."

"I used to cook for you," I reminded her while walking out the office. "It's not the same without you anymore"

"I'm returning tomorrow! Or did you forget that?" She said in a reprimanding tone making me chuckle.

How could I ever forget?

Three months of tossing and turning on cold bed would finally change tomorrow. Her scent would return to our bedroom and my heart would return to beat the way it used to three months ago.

"I'm counting the seconds to the time I'll be able to have you in my arms," I confessed. I sighed and walked out the office building, towards rusty active I owned.

"Do you want me to get the ghewar from here?"

"Is that even a question?" I asked biting my lip.

"I thought I would be enough for you," she teased. I threw my head back and laughed freely. My stomach felt giddy and I was honestly looking forward to tomorrow.

"But you're not sweeter than ghewar," I countered.

"Oh, baby, I know you prefer spicy more," At that I threw my head back and laughed freely. My stomach felt giddy and I was honestly looking forward to tomorrow.

When my laughter died down, I sobered up because all the youngsters were throwing my curious glances. Probably wondering what this forty-year old uncle is laughing at.

"Are you sure you want to return tomorrow?" I asked feeling my heart grow heavier. "I mean you can take more time if you want, Radhika"

There's silence on the other end, her breaths had also turned softer and slower.

"Radhika?" I probed.

"I'm good, Girish"

"That's not the answer to my question," I shook my head. The sky was turning an absolute ugly shade or orange and with that my anxiety was spiking.

"I just want to return home now," she breathed into the phone.

"Okay then"

********

"Girish ji!" someone yelled after me causing me to stop in the lobby of my building. I turned around to find a panting Rohit chasing me.

"Hey, Rohit, kaise ho?" I asked while pulling my bag higher up my shoulder. I was very well aware of the sweet box he was carrying in his hands and the brighter than usual smile he was sporting.

Rohit observed me up and down, probably making a mental note to exercise so as to not have a balding head like me in the next ten years.

"Chinese on the menu today?" He asked pointing to the bag I was holding in my hand. The schezwan bottle shined under the lobby lights and I nodded.

"Woh, Radhika is returning tomorrow," I answered and braced myself for the news he was going to tell. I'm guessing it was a girl.

"Ladoo lijiye Girishji. I was blessed with a baby girl yesterday night" His smiled widened and he opened the sweet box offering me one.

I was happy for him. I was. I was. I swear I was.

I smiled and took one of the ladoo between my fingers, "Congratulations to you and your wife, Rohit. May god bless you with all happiness"

I meant every word of it even if I wasn't that blessed.

Rohit smiled back and turned around when his father called out to him. He excused himself and I returned trudging back to my floor. I groaned when I felt the back pain returning.

Damn, I will have to take another doctor's appointment.

When I twisted the keys to my apartment, I entered the empty house and felt my chest deflate. I placed the groceries on the kitchen table and pulled a chair to sit on. I sighed when my back rested on the familiar backrest and I rolled back.

The only sound that haunted this house was the ticking of clock. The thought made me cringe and angry at the same time. My insides

Why would the gods be so cruel to not bless this house with the laughter of a tiny life.

Why would the gods overlook the happiness that my wife so desperately deserved.

Why would the gods not consider to make us parents?

My eyes snapped shut as I recounted the broken looks on my wife since the past eighteen years. Her innocent brown eyes would always tear up when the tests came out negative. Her soft hands would seek my comfort and I would stay beside her to wipe her tears and hold her.

I was always ready to carry all her burden. I had to be strong for her, stronger every time things didn't come out the desired way. Hair started greying, muscles thinned out and joints became weak.

We grew old but no one else grew up with us.

Depression didn't suddenly barge in our life, it creeped up on us every time people would ask why we couldn't have a child, every time Radhika received pitiful looks from neighbors, every time she was considered unlucky to not bear a child.

The shine in her eyes dimmed out and that scared me so much. I wasn't ready to loser her. Not to old age and definitely not to depression.

I simply wasn't ready.

The gods could not give me a child but they couldn't take away my life from me like that. I refused to give up. But the simple truth was that just like Radhika, I was broken too.

I forgot that while wiping Radhika's tears, I had suppressed mine to the extent that now my body felt like a volcano of emotions. One small pinch and I would blow up like a grand firework.

Would this be the only legacy of love we left behind on this planet?

I didn't notice the tear that slipped down my cheek but I made no effort to wipe it away.

****

Ufffffff!

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