Songs of The Soul (Huntbastian)

Tortured Soul

Hunter's POV

I refuse to believe he's really dead. He can't be. Even after my mom sounded so serious on the phone. She rarely just calls me like that, so I had to believe her......as much as I don't want to. Though I don't want to make her more upset than she already is. While he was my father, he was her husband. I know despite all the ups and downs that she still loved him. I could see it in her eyes the moment he left on that one Thanksgiving.

If I have to be honest.....I have no idea how to feel about this. I feel upset that he's gone I guess, that he just left my life like that even though we weren't really in each other's lives.....but still. I'm just more upset that I was the last person to find out about it while my mom knew for months that he was sick. She apparently kept in touch with him all this time and never told me about it. Only now do I realize why no one came to my graduation. I know I sound fucking selfish, but it hurt a lot that no one came after I worked so hard these past few years to just get a degree. 

I do feel bad for lashing out at Sebastian that day I found out. He told me that he understood after I apologized, but I still shouldn't have gotten angry like that. I could see it scared him. Though at the same time I'm still upset at him since I don't want his pity. I don't feel sad for my father's passing. I don't feel like I need to grieve. 

Or maybe I do......I just can't help but feel this weird sense of longing in the back of my mind and I don't know why. I don't like it. It's eating away at me like toothache and I don't know what to do about it.

I didn't want to get up, or do anything for that matter. All I could do was lay in bed, wanting to become one with the sheets and forget everything. I just watched Mr. Puss who was laying on the floor near the door of my room for a while before I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Hunter?"

"Mmm?"

"We should get up." Sebastian said as I felt his breath near my ear. I just gave him a shrug, hoping he'd leave me alone.

"We shouldn't be late to the service.......come on." He said, gently pulling the sheets off of me before walking over to crouch in front of me. He gave me a sympathetic smile, but it didn't do anything for me. Seeing my reaction, he soon walked off and I heard him open my closet door.

I really didn't want to get up and deal with the day, but I might as well just get it over with. I eventually got the energy to get up, getting dressed with Sebastian in silence. Normally I'd feel different as he helped adjust my tie, but I just felt empty. 

The house was just as quiet, with everyone speaking in hushed voices when needed as they also got ready for the day. I didn't feel like breakfast, or eating in general, so I decided to wait outside instead and lean against the porch railing. As I stared out into the yard, I took in the scenery around me. The grey sky, the moisture in the air, the faint chirping of birds, the few patches of dried grass that never grew back, and an odd sense of loneliness. 

As I stood there, I almost didn't notice Sebastian joined me until I felt his arm brush against mine. 

"You know.....it's ok to be sad. He was still your dad."

"He treated me like shit Seb........he didn't see me as his son for most of the time I knew him." I told him, playing with the cufflinks of my suit jacket.

"I know......and I hate that you had to go through that......but there must be some good times you had with him." He insisted, but it just annoyed me.

"Yeah right...." I said sarcastically before he bumped his shoulder against me.

"I'm serious Hunter. You told me you weren't that close with your brother near his death, but you still grieved for him because of the good memories. Like the tree house." He said and I almost forgot about that. Thinking for a moment, contemplating what he said, I still felt a bit uncomfortable about it though.