Living a Lie

Chapter 6

But then there had been the why wouldn't she's—that's the thing about anger, eventually it lessens enough for some form of reason to sneak in. Anakin was no fool. He knew that no matter what trinket you gave him, be it a lightsaber or blaster; no matter what feats were broadcasted in whatever light across the holonet, an impossible landing or seeming miracle on the battlefield; at the core of the matter he was nothing but a freed slave dressed in Jedi robes.

Why wouldn't Padmé, beloved senator, excellent Queen of the rich Naberrie family, want someone better? Someone who had a less traumatic background, who was better learned, who had better control over his temper, who could allow her near old friends without worrying, who didn't leave her for months on end, who could stay by her side as they had pledged. Someone she could take home to her family. Someone who didn't need to hide their relationship to protect his job.

Someone who was better than him.

Sure, Anakin was an excellent fighter and no one could match his piloting skills. He was the best at what he did, but how could that ever be enough?

And then the pain had set in. Because he started to realize how much sense it made.

He'd always known she was far too good for him, after all.

"You spied on me?" Padmé's voice held slight anger though it was controlled in a way only a senator could manage, and Anakin wasn't fooled. Even if he didn't know her well enough, her Force presence gave her away. His own anger rose up in response.

Wrong thing to focus on. Didn't he take the precious time to give her a reason he'd gone? Had she not looked at her commlink since she left this morning? The time? The sun?

"Would you have preferred me to barge in on your little meeting?" he snapped back, only now looking at her as he stood. "How long?"

"What are you talking about?" Her voice was too quick. Defensive.

"How long have you been secretly meeting with him?"

"Anakin, I told you Palo and I—"

"Did you pose for that painting?"

"What? No! Anakin, how could you—"

"How couldn't I?! What am I supposed to think when I come back from a campaign to find my wife meeting with an ex behind my back? When she was so distracted that she forgot our anniversary?!"

"Anakin, I swear it is not like that—" Padmé's voice started to sound croaky, her Force presence revealing her increasing panic. That told Anakin everything he needed to know, she probably was worried about not meeting with him again, now with him, her husband—supposedly the love of her life—finding out.

Anakin felt his previously held self-control beginning to shatter. He tried to collect himself, to stop the raging storm inside him from breaking out, but at the same time he wanted to lash out, to leave and find him, the better man, and erase his existence from this galaxy, for being capable of giving her the life she always wanted and deserved, in the way a Jedi would never be able to.

He closed his eyes and breathed heavily, he needed to hear it. Had it all been an act for her? Had Anakin been her way out of the boring common Senator life?

He felt himself beginning to shake, the mere thought of that cut sharply through his heart. He couldn't get the images out of his head, it constantly kept replaying in his mind. Her bright smile at his words, no stress or anything negative on her beautiful face. She had eaten with him at a dining table, while her husband had waited alone at home, in the dark, at their dining table.