Black Bird [Itachi Uchiha]

5: Kindness / Awake

Perhaps I had yet to be on his bad side, but until that day came, I would continue to be mystified by his cool, quiet, friendly demeanor. He had looked me in the eye and told me he killed his Clan, but I had read something in his eyes that resonated with my own, and it felt as if he had been harboring a lot of guilt, as was I. He did not seem like a guilty man.

Boy. God, he was so much older looking than I. I looked in the body mirror by my bed and moved my face closer, picking apart my whole appearance. I started poking my cheeks together, noticing how young they made me look.

I removed my cloak and placed it on a coat hanger and removed my clothing until I was in my underwear and bra. I undid bun, letting my long hair loose, the ends tickling my lower back. I opened my bag and grabbed a clean, black t-shirt and a pair of black shorts, my nightwear of choice. I shimmied into them and crawled into bed, unable to find a comfortable spot immediately. I lay there, stiff, feeling uncomfortable in a bed that did not feel like my own, but it was a bed that now belonged to me. I allowed myself to stretch my legs out, rolling over on my side, pressing my face into the pillow. These sheets and pillow cases were all new, it was obvious. I'm guessing Konan had really taken the time to redo this entire place in time for my arrival.

I reached over and set my alarm on the nightstand for 4:00AM. I wanted to be fully alert when it was time to train with Itachi because there was no way training would be a walk in the park. It was nine o'clock already, giving me seven hours of sleep if I fell asleep right at this very second.

It was very hard for me to fall asleep at night, this night was especially hard. There was so much going on tomorrow, and I was in a new environment. Although a lot had happened in the day that had tired me out, my mind was still sharp, active, ready for adventure. I hadn't winded down yet.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, counting sheep, counting backwards, everything I could until I opened my eyes again and looked at the alarm clock.

10:30PM. I groaned, rubbing my eyes, turning in my bed.

My mind kept whirring from one topic to another. How did my parents pass? Why wasn't I there to try to change their minds, one last time? Why didn't we die as a family? Did it mean that much to me to be a family?

They were rough parents. They had very harsh ideals about war, they were too excited to rush into a fight. They wanted to become a dominant Clan, and they thought they could gain some sort of power in The Sand Village. In the end, they became just a chapter in history books. And for what?

I sighed. I turned onto my other side, pulling my blankets up closer to my face.

What if I could have convinced my siblings to run away, as well?

I thought of my sister Sato, and my brother Kaori: Their stubborn will, their blind following to my clan. My parents would judge us on our strength, making us all fight each other, the consistent winner becoming our parent's favorite. After a few years of this meaningless contest, I stopped fighting, and my siblings wouldn't soften the blows. They loved the violence, the pain in my eyes.  For this, my parents shunned me and called me a cry baby for not wanting to join in, but year by year, the injuries got worse. The aggression got worse. It was like my siblings couldn't wait for the one time a year to become our parent's favorite, the spoiled child, and to rub it in the other siblings' face.

At Murasaki Clan gatherings, I would have to hang out alone at the edge of the event because I was shunned. I was made fun of by my cousins and siblings, who used the shun to treat me like dirt without consequences. The Murasaki Clan was known for violence, loving the thrill of fighting, of inflicting pain – but I was not the same as they were. I lived my life isolated.

I should have left much sooner. It shouldn't have taken overhearing a bad decision planned out to have escaped my family, but a piece of me had loyalty to my family. Besides my teammates, they were all I knew. I had a skewed image of family from the start due to their neglect, but I couldn't help but question my actions. Regardless of how they treated me, regardless of what they decided, they were my family, who were wiped out of existence for rebellion. They were too violent and prideful for their own good, and it was a wonder they weren't taken down sooner.

I wondered what happened in the Uchiha Clan that ended in the massacre. He could not have seriously just have committed the atrocity just to test his own power, or to send a message, or because he simply felt like it. He seemed genuine. Or maybe I was just not used to genuine people to begin with.

He was on my mind, and it was clear sleep would wait for my thoughts to fade. 

He was so handsome. His voice was so smooth, and he had also so clearly caught me checking him out. Oh, how embarrassing. I'd never really had a crush like this before, except perhaps on Gaara of the Desert, the Kazekage's son. He was barely a year younger than me, and I had talked to him a few times, but it was always innocent. I'd honestly never had the talk with my mother about boys, but Miyu and I would talk about boys we liked every now and then. Miyu's mom gave her a talk about boys, and Miyu gave me the information from that talk, as I blushed furiously from embarrassment. I was honestly glad my mother never gave me that talk, because I didn't think our relationship was ever trustworthy enough to get through that conversation. I was lucky enough to have a friend like Miyu to delegate important life lessons to me that were taught by her mother.

I wish she was here so I could talk to her about life now. I missed confiding information with her, and realized I'd probably have to keep my thoughts and feelings under wraps to better protect myself now. I sighed, putting my hands underneath my head as I started to count backwards, starting from one hundred.

I thought about my delicious dinner, and the act of kindness from Itachi. A smile so big crept on my face, my eyes closed.

I sighed, rolling onto my back now. "For fuck's sake," I sighed, blinking as I stared at the ceiling, wide awake.

Training was going to destroy me tomorrow.