A Simple Guide to Overthrowing an Empire

Dib Ruins Everything

Zim woke up, bleary eyed. He'd had the weirdest dream, something about Gir being a dog? It was already fading. Speaking of Gir, though... How on earth would they explain this to Gir's teacher? 'Oh, sorry Ms. Reeds, Gir is actually a robot abandoned on Earth by an alien five years ago.' Yeah. Like that would go over well. He groaned, rubbing at his eyes. They were always so uncomfortable in the mornings, like something was stuck in them.

Finally rolling out of bed, Zim caught his reflection in the mirror. What if he was a robot? He inspected his hands. He didnt feel like a robot. Do robots feel? He ran a hand through his hair, did it feel like a wig? Or was that just his paranoia? There was a knock at his door. Zim wondered what Gir's life was like before he was abandoned. That alien must be some real jerk. Another knock. He'd have to call Gir in sick. Maybe he'd stay home as well. God knows he's going crazy with all of this incessant knocking.

"What?" Zim finally snapped at the third knock. He already knew it was the alien— Dib, he supposed— Gir would never knock.

"I—" The alien sounded confused. Zim threw on a hoodie and some sweatpants, not like he was going to school anyway, and opened the door. Dib was standing there, stunned.

"Are you going to stand in the way or can I leave my room?" Zim glared up at the alien. Dib was... tolerable. Sometimes. Definitely not before Zim's morning coffee, though.

"Yeah, I— Sorry, I'll move. Out of your way. Sorry." Dib stumbled over his words, backing out of his way while frantically rustling around in that weird robot pack of his for something or other. Zim honestly didn't care, closing the door behind him and heading down toward the kitchen.

"Zim!" Dib was jogging to catch up with him. Zim was really not awake enough for this. "Sorry. Again. We're going the same way."

"Noted."

"What are you doing?" The alien certainly was nosy this morning. Watching him like a hawk and noting down his every word.

"Coffee. Breakfast." Zim wasn't about to explain his entire morning routine, especially this early.

"Right." Dib scrawled something down on his weirdly high-tech writing tablet. "What is a cow-fee?"

"Cow-fee?" Zim couldn't help but chuckle, rounding the corner to the kitchen. "Coffee. Caw-fee. Its like..." Zim couldn't find the words. "It's a drink. It wakes you up. Gir loves the stuff." He set a pot up to brew, "I'm not the biggest fan of the taste, but I think I'm a bit addicted. I don't feel like myself until I've had a cup."

"You're telling me," Dib mumbled. Zim was sure he wasn't supposed to hear that, but he couldn't help but feel curious. What had the alien so worked up at 7 in the morning?

He ignored the thought at the beep of his coffee maker. Dib could be dealt with later. Right now he had to—

"Hi master!" Gir had somehow gotten to the piping hot pot of coffee before he did, downing the entire pot in just two gulps.

"I'm not your... master. God that sounds so weird. Don't call me that." Zim snatched the pot back from his brother— no, he chided himself, the robot. Not your brother.

Gir pouted, disappearing back to wherever he came from. It was like the little robot could just pop out of the wall at any moment. Zim glanced around, but couldn't find Gir anywhere. With a frustrated huff, he put the pot back, setting it up to brew again.

"So how do you feel about Gir?" Dib was still in the room for some reason, sitting at the table with his tablet in his hand, ready to jot down his response like a tabloid journalist.