𝐀𝐫𝐜 𝐈 | bnha

sacrilege

(many have spoken of rainy days, but words cannot contain the divinity, the connection and loneliness felt in the midst of a storm; your nostrils filled with ozone, your skin soaked and slick with rain. the sky roars overhead and for a moment you feel the divine in your stomach, in the nape of your neck. and you carry this divinity with you, a child of storm and nature, a god unto its own in a foolish naive way.

she felt like god.

there, she said it. sacrilege spilled from her mind onto her lips, sweeping upwards and it tasted like iron and blood. it smelled like floods and thunder.

what was she doing? her thoughts stopped making sense.

she had two heads. like a god she'd read about. a false god, one her elementary teacher would have rapped her knuckles for daring to mention.

was she that god? could she truly die? she hadn't died, even when she should've.

she was going to go insane if she kept on like this.

she should just eat her sandwich and stop thinking.)

"Are you a nomu?" Hawks poked his head around the corner to speak to her.

"What?" He shrugged, keeping his ever present neutral expression.

"I've seen a couple pictures from that raid. You look a bit like a nomu."
She narrowed her eyes, not meeting his gaze. He didn't actually think she was a nomu.

"No, I'm not."

He finally entered the room, plopping down on the seat across from her. He reached for her sandwich and she pulled it away.

"Then what is your quirk?" He shifted, throwing his leg over the arm rest and letting his wings hang over the other arm rest.

"Janus."

He stared. She stared back. "What's that?" She took a bite of her sandwich.
"Ith a muthanth quirk," she replied, mouth full.

He said nothing for a moment, only screwing his face into a look of disgust.

"Is this why people always tell me not to talk with my mouth full? I get it now."

"Go fuck yourself, Hawks."

He blinked.

"Guess I'll leave you alone then." He rose to his feet. "In this," he gestured to the room. "Riveting place of entertainment."

"Wait, no." Hawks laughed, the kind of laughed that he closed his eyes.

"The Commission might let you patrol with me soon." She jerked up at that, eyes wide.

"Really?" she asked, giving a toothy grin.
Hawks grinned at her. "Really. You can't engage anyone because you don't have a license but." He shrugged.

Hawks felt guilty. Dabi had contacted him a week or so ago, and Hawks agreed to bring a pro.

The plans had changed and Hawks realized that backup was needed. Another pro would ask too many questions.

(Y/n) wouldn't.

Hawks felt awful. But this was life and death, and feelings were bound to get hurt along the way.

She knew not to stay idle for too long. If she stopped doing she started thinking, and that was bad for everyone involved. It felt like a hole in her, a void alight with whisper, so much like her other form, except somehow worse.
She wanted a snack. (she wanted to die. no, that wasn't right. she wanted a break. it would be lovely, to stop existing for a moment. it would be so restful.)

Staying still too long was a good way to get lost in your own head. (Y/n) needed to think about what was happening right now. She knew it, and Hawks knew it.
"You should practice!" He chirped, flouncing around her in a flurry of feathers. He watched her expression lift and eyes clear.
"Yeah?" she asked.
"C'mon," he groaned, tugging at her sleeve. "I'm bored." The edge of her mouth curled into the semblance of a smile and Hawks felt satisfied.

"So, why can't you use your quirk again?"

"Eating people is not a part of a healthy and balanced diet."

"Then take some vitamins, dipshit," Hawks shot back, propping his head up. "How does cannibalism even relate to your quirk?"

"Transformed me thinks everything is tasty." (Y/n) shook her head. "No standards, I swear." She paused, narrowing her eyes at Hawks. "Your quirk involves cannibalism too—"

"For the last time, I am not a chicken!"

She shrugged. "Could've fooled me."

"That's it—" Hawks jumped down from his perch in a flurry of feathers. "Let's fight."

She paused. "What?" Hawks groaned.

"I've been watching you partially transform for hours now—"

"It's been ten minutes—"

He waved a hand. "That's besides the point." He drew a feather, one that was sharper and longer than the rest and pointed it at (Y/n). "You have slighted my honor." He lowered it for a moment.
"Besides, you're not gonna get better if you keep stopping yourself when you get scared."

He pushed his glasses to the top of his head. "I don't pretend to fully understand your quirk—" his gaze flitted over the still fading scars that Chisaki had left "—or what you've been through, but you have so much potential, (Y/n). You just need a little push out of the nest."

(Y/n) gave a sly smile. "I thought chickens were flightless birds?"

"Oh come on!" Hawks threw his hands up in exasperation. "I get honest and vulnerable, and I give an amazing pep talk, mind you, and you repay me with insults?"

She gives him finger guns. "I evade genuine emotions with humor." He pouted.

"Evade this instead."

(the second day she was awake she transformed partially. she did this every so often to make sure she was still physically okay. every time she was, until now.
she had a second pair of arms that nestled on either side of her, fitting in the subtle dip between her hip and ribs.
the arms grew and one stopped.
perhaps janus was still out. it ate away at her stomach, her lungs.
her breath came in aching, shuddering breaths. the tears wouldn't come. she heaved a dry sob, the force of it wracking her body.
she could feel it now, a piece of her suddenly missing.)