HEALING

4.

(Continuing from the previous part....)

'Then my story is just insignificant compared to yours and short too. But still, I just run away from the truth, I don't know why', Rahul says.

'With the campusing in the final year, I got a job, I think you knew that as many of us opted for on campus placement. Two years later, I was searching for other better job as a two years experienced candidate. After some interviews, I got this job where I am currently working.

In those years, after your rejection till my first job, I didn't find any girl. Truly speaking, after a certain time period from your rejection I realised that love is not something that you feel like Kuch Kuch Hota Hai inside your heart, faster heartbeats, always in a hurry to meet the person, everything seeming like Pehla Nasha Pehla Khumar which all nonsense had happened to me for you. And after that I never went forward for those which were not actually love.

That time, I used to think that I was the only person who was still alone. Now I can understand, that time was one of the best times of my life I ever had. Being alone is good many a times, it is not necessary to feel lonely, we are actually complete in ourselves.

After getting the new job, my family wanted me to get married. Since, I couldn't find a girl, they searched for a bride for me in matrimonial agencies. They found a suitable match for me - Nandini.

Everything in her biodata I found good. So, both the families had meetings and gave us time to know each other better. After 2-3 meetings between Nandini and me, our parents fixed our engagement date. I thought, I really liked her and was falling for her, day by day.

After the engagement, as because of my job timings, we couldn't hang out even once in every week. She told me that she could understand. I tried to impress her in other ways. I used to send her gifts especially sarees as she was fond of sarees the most as compared to other gifts. How stupid I was! She was my fiancée, we were going to be married and I was behaving like a middle school kids!

I used to visit her in her house sometimes, on the way to my office or the way back to my home. I know, 5-10 minutes' family meeting was not what she wanted. But all that was I became crazy to be the reason of her happiness and used to try to make her feel special in every way possible.

I am not blaming her because she didn't want all these. All that she wanted was my time, my company, my concern for her which I couldn't give. Actually, I still blame her, I still wonder why she was not happy with what I used to do for her, why she didn't want to adjust. Then again I start to question myself, why she would have done all these, our engagement was arranged, we were not in a relationship from before so how can I expect her to adjust every single time without any complaint? And if I could have expectations, she also had the same rights.

After 3-4 months when she started complaining about my job schedule, I started to apply for other jobs with a fixed timing and no shifting duty. But I was so busy to impress Nandini with my stupid ideas, I couldn't qualify any of the interviews. She used to motivate me for more interviews but I lost all my will power.

And finally the day came when she stated that she would not marry me if I would be jobless and also she had problem with my present job. I don't know whether I had lost all my skills, I couldn't get a new job even after her warning. So, the only option left was to break off the engagement. And that happened within another couple of months.

I was shattered, I was confused, I couldn't go to office for a week. That time I was unable to understand who was the culprit - she or me? With the passage of time, I framed her culprit. I used to hate her and all the consequences happened that usually happen in this type of cases. Months had passed after that, I started to get back into my senses, sometimes I can understand that she was not at fault and the most important thing was that even I was not in love with her, I was in love with the dreams of having my ladylove. Oh, not again! It was the second time I misinterpreted my own feelings, what a tragedy! And this is all about my love story. Currently I'm single, working in the second company I joined and living with my parents, having no fuss in my life yet not much happy I don't know why. The only problem is I always prefer to run from my past.

But today, after meeting you, I learnt that I am not the only person who is in pain. So, it is not justified that me remaining sad all the time. Your story was much more painful as you have loved the person. I never loved her, instead I always got trapped in my wrong perceptions.

Till now, I just pretend to be okay, but frankly speaking, I always find myself clueless, aimless, what to do, where to start. All I know that I want to live my life unlike now when I am just passing my days', Rahul concludes.

(To be continued....)
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