Procrastinators on Stage (Chris Kendall/crabstickz fanfic) *unedited*

Parts 40- I Don't Like Anything

A scattering of playing cards were littered on the coffee table amongst Chinese takeaway boxes like toys abandoned by a runaway child. Even from the doorway I could see Dan slowly turning a Joker through his fingers whilst his other arm was wrapped protectively around Mia's bowed shoulders.

I slowly moved into the room and sunk down into the armchair that was positioned at an angle to the sofa. I gradually set the shopping bag I'd brought with me down onto the floor before I straightened up to regard these four judges.

All four of them were staring at me. Mia and Dan in particular were sat with their red-rimmed eyes on me and their tension at the situation was evident. They didn't want me here.

I cleared my throat anxiously as I looked around at their faces. "Where's everyone else?" I stuttered.

"They're busy," Carrie said clearly and calmly. "Something came up."

I gave a small nod which petered out as I looked to my socks. "I suppose I should just start talking to, um, e-explain myself."

"You could try," Mia mumbled, her eyes downcast.

I swallowed hard and opened my mouth to speak, only to be met with a choking sound of my throat closing up around my words. I coughed quietly before pushing myself to speak as coherently as possible. I had to do well.

"You all need to know just how sorry I truly am," I started with a burst of energy. I met each person in turn with a sincere gaze as I continued to speak. "I thought I was doing the right thing and-"

"I call bullshit," Chris snorted before folding his arms and slouching in his seat whilst glowering at me. My chest ached as I watched him and the others. I was done for.

"The right thing?" Mia scoffed abysmally at the same time, earning a concerned look from Dan. "You tried to sabotage us!"

"Yes, and I'm really very sorry about that, but I had reason!" I pleaded with them.

Mia frowned. "A reason to break up a relationship? I thought that only happened in catty romances?"

I shuffled awkwardly. "Yeah." Could I explain myself without outing Chris' feelings for Mia? It was impossible. "I-I guess you could label me as a hard-core Randomstickz shipper," I said. I had little clue on how I should have managed what I needed to say, so I decided to just blurt out the rambling mess that I'd started to jot down in my phone earlier that day.

I proceeded to retell them every detail of how I'd decided to make Randomstickz canon, excluding how my own feelings for Chris had developed but including my complex of wanting everyone to be happy. I stumbled through how I'd seen Mia and Chris’ interactions as romantic and had been unable to see Mia and Dan acting in any relatable way. I didn't tell them about my past and how my complex had developed with the role of my parents. If anything, that would have been the 'sob story' that Chris would have made fun of.

Throughout my retelling, Chris wouldn't stop rolling his eyes and huffing in disbelief even after Carrie had hit him in the arm a few times. He carried on making fun of me until the end. Dan, Mia and Carrie simply fixed me with these looks of disgusted pity which made my tongue feel like ash in my mouth. I wanted to take back every action I'd done here. If only I could rewind back to the beginning of my return to London and not involve myself in anything relating to Randomstickz. If only it were that simple.

"You're an idiot," Mia said in disbelief once I'd finished with "um, yeah, that's it, I guess". Her eyes were wide as an owl's as she watched me.

I flinched and felt my lower lip tremble, much to my embarrassment. "I am. I understand that you're all furious with me, but at least you know why I did what I did now. I can't apologise enough so I'll... I'll look into moving away as soon as I can." I looked at the four of them from under my lashes. My eyelashes had all clumped together from the stray tears that had escaped from my watering eyes. "Could you, um, maybe forgive me? Ever?"