Some Place Better Than Here

Chapter 7: The Blitzkrieg Bop

"Oh! Danny! Yes! We need McDick's!" I exclaimed as Danny turned the key in the ignition and the car came on with the radio blasting.

In the wake of Danny spinning the volume down, Max said, "Man, you're lucky she's hot, or I woulda totally been cheesed you ditched me."

I slowly turned around, harnessing all the stank possible in a Bitch Face. His open palms flew up beside him in mock surrender.

"I'm totally just kidding, Mary. I would've thought your nose ring was super gnarly—even if you weren't a total rocket."

I tilted my chin down, applauding his obedience. Boy knew who wore the crown around here. Yeah, me. Queen Vicious, muthafucka.

While crawling out of the parking lot (which Danny had been right about, was slow as hell) me and Max annoyed him to the point where he gave into our artery-clogging cravings and drove us to the McDick's on Lockport. Seriously, when the munchies call and you're craving McDick's—that's no laughing matter.

So, yes, it was pathetic and lame, and very small-town, but for everyone from tweens getting out of the movies, to drunk college kids leaving the bar, McD's was thee place to be. It's where the after-party was at. It was a thing of beauty, let me tell ya. Fights. Hookups. Breakups. Occasionally getting booted out by security. All the kind of shit that gets talked about Monday morning.

McDick's was McJammed packed, and we all saw people we knew from high school. When I'm out, Drunk Bitches always want to be my friend. A group of 'em came up and tried kissing my ass, always, y'know, making sure to remind me of how pretty I am and wanting to hang out. Some skateboard-looking stoner dudes walked off with Max to the bathroom, but no one (from what I saw) talked to Danny.

"I'm not gonna have anything," Dan the Man said defensively, after the Drunk Bitches left me alone and I asked him if he wanted a Big Mac.

I ordered him one anyway and he ended up devouring the whole bastard. More and more kids poured in, all rowdy and drunk as hell, making all the staff fear a terrorist attack. Eventually some random dudes did say Hi to Danny as we picked at our fries in silence. Our schools didn't really party (at Saint Maria Goretti's we pretty much stayed with the North End kids) so there was a lot of Jefferson people I didn't know. Yes, my earlier accusation did, in fact, stand correct: all guys in Gilmore Park are repulsive.

"Beg my pardon, sweetie," I said, leaving Danny confused as hell when I went to con cigarettes off some stoner lacrosse dudes I knew.

Chad Stevenson and Blair Bouche. Both of them, way back in the ninth grade, tried making out with me at the Halloween dance. While I was with Chad and Blair, some gross bitch got a boner over Squeegee Boy and ran up to smother him while he was stuffing his face with fries. The cigarettes practically slid outta Blair's pockets when I started rubbing his arm, reminding him to text me with a cell phone number I no longer used.

The fries were picked down to salt and crumbs by the time Max got back from the bathroom, and that was right when the drama started. It was pretty exciting. This couple was in a major fight. What I was able to pick up on, from their shouting, was that the guy in the Aeropostale polo shirt kissed his ex-girlfriend at the bar, and her best friend saw and took a picture and showed the girl who was now crying hysterically and punching Aeropostale polo shirt guy.

Harsh.

But then things got real when some white guy apparently called a black guy the N word. Immediately they both started threatening to kill each other. Seriously, McDick's is a blast! Me and Danny were standing at the door, ready to leave, but had to wait for Max to casually order nuggets around the same time the white guy was claiming his 'boys' were gonna show. Then the black guy claimed that his 'boys' were gonna show. Why don't they ever call up their 'girls'? We're realistically crazier and more likely to get out of any police trouble. Like, they're really gonna believe that this five foot four white chick punched a six foot something black dude? Max got his nuggets and we left before anyone's 'boys' showed.