One Kiss Later

17

"Thank you. Do you guys even live at the apartment complex anymore? I never see you." II questioned him.

"We do. I was gone the whole summer, he was doing baseball, and he did a lot of time away from the phone. We just got settled back in like two days ago." Matteo clarified.

"Hmm." I nodded. "Well, thank you for delivering it. You could've always slid it under the doormat, but this is cool too." 

He chuckled. "True. Bye, Nat."

I walked back to my apartment with a million thoughts running through my mind.

What did he want? What could this letter say? Is there something wrong that I didn't catch?

I paced back and forth just staring at the envelope.

I took a deep breath, sat down on my bed, and opened the hand-written letter. I thought he would have typed it, but guess not.

Dear Natalia,
   I don't even know how to start this. Today is the fourth of July, your birthday. I know that I'm an asshole and a coward because I couldn't even bring myself to tell you happy birthday. I don't know why it's so hard to type two words. Maybe it's because I don't know where we stand, and the fact that I did you wrong. 
   Even though I don't know what to really say, let me say this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for pushing you away, for saying that the six months were fake, for lying to myself, but most of all for lying to you. You're right, you had been nothing, but honest with me and I never reciprocated the same energy. I'm sorry for that too.
-
Whew. You make me feel so much. I've had to take like two five-minute breaks while writing this. Believe me, I've tried to draft a text to send to you, but I didn't want to interrupt your happiness. You look like you're having so much fun in NYC, London, and at dance camp.  

I guess what I really want to say in this letter is that I'm sorry. What I really want you to know is that you'll always have a special place in my heart. There's this song called Dancing Under Red Skies, it makes me think of you. Specifically this part:
• "no one ever got my soul right like she could"
   Do you know what red skies mean? Red skies to sailors mean that there will be good weather the next day. But even though we're going through trouble right now, I think the skies are red. The good day might not come until our tomorrow which may be a month, a year, or ten years from now. I've made peace with that because I know that next time we'll get it right. 

You told me that you loved me which means a piece of your heart will always know me. So, Natalia Madeline-Elizabeth Fitzgerald, know that you will always have a piece of heart.  A large part of my heart will only know you. After all, you're the one who brought it back to life. Everything that I really want to say to you, I want to say face to face. 

May you bury me,
Mazhar Beau Aydin. 

"Damn." I muttered to myself.

That's all I could say.

I didn't know what to make of it.

I did, but I didn't.

This was like a confession of everything that I wanted to hear. I just wished that I'd gotten the letter in July. 

Here we were in September on separate planets. 

Oh my gosh.

He really wrote all of that.

I just laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling as music played in the background. 

Wow.

Beau really left me at a loss for words.

He was right, a piece of my heart would always know him. I just didn't know if that piece of my heart was ready to open back up. 

Nia knocked on my bedroom door. "What's going on with you? Why are you gripping your stuffed elephant like that? You've been locked in here for a minute. I'm getting tired of hearing Adele."

I pointed to the papers that sat on my nightstand. 

Maybe those words should have been only read by me.

They definitely should have.

I was caught up in the moment, and I knew that my secrets would always be safe with Nia.

"May you bury me? That's kind of a morbid way to end a love letter." Nia looked at me.

I rolled my eyes. "It's not really a love letter. It's more of an expression."

Her eyes got big. "Sure."

"But he literally says, 'Natalia Madeline-Elizabeth Fitzgerald, know that you will always have a piece of heart. A large part of my heart will only know you.' That screams love, my dear." Nia folded the letter and put it in my old music box. 

"How are you feeling, Nat?" Nia wondered.

I shrugged. "It was everything that I wanted to hear three months ago.  I don't know how to feel. Of course, I'll always care for him. I kind of want him in my life. He was always a good friend."

"If I could give you a piece of advice it would be to not rush into anything. Think with your heart and your head. Just not too quickly." she advised.

"If your heart believes that he belongs in your life then do it. Just set boundaries, ok? Especially since you're with Drew now." Nia continued.

"Thank you for that." I sat up in bed. 

She sighed. "I guess we should get ready for practice."

"We should." I agreed.

We got dressed, ate a snack,  and went to our three-hour-long practice.

Practice killed us in a good way.

I actually felt like I was improving with our new coaches.

They were younger which meant that they understood us way more.

I was thankful that I didn't feel like I needed to stick my fingers down my throat. 

This dance season was going to be amazing.

"I can't wait for the football game next week." Nia squealed as I pressed the button to the elevator.

"The new uniforms are so cute, but first I need a long shower" I added.

We stepped into the elevator and my legs felt like jello.

We did so many jumps and turns at practice.

I was definitely feeling it.

"I hope we have Epsom salt." Nia sighed.

Just as the elevator began to close, someone stuck their hand in to keep it from closing. Do you know who stepped into the elevator? Him. 

God, how did he manage to look even better?

He grew out his hair a bit, his muscles were toned, and I instantly got lost in those hazel/green eyes.

It was the first time that I'd seen him in person since April.

"Hi, Beau." Nia broke the awkward silence as the elevator moved. 

"Hey." I felt his eyes leave me for a minute to respond to her.

He didn't even click the second-floor button, so I did.

I just stared at the door to avoid making eye contact.

This was awkward.

He definitely got on the elevator on purpose.

Oh my gosh.

"Second floor." the robotic voice read.

Beau didn't move.

"You know, I'm gonna get in one last workout and take the stairs." Nia quickly got off the elevator. 

I was going to kill her.

The doors of the elevator closed once again.

It was just the two of us.

"Hi, Nat." he finally greeted me.

Let go a bit.

My eyes locked with his. "Hi, Maz."