A Love Without Time (Remus Lupin)

Thirty-Eight.

It was mid-July when I figured it out. I had a time believing it. I was pregnant. I had to tell Remus. I couldn't not tell him. He was going to be a father. He deserved to know. I wrote to him, telling him I had to see him that it was important that we talk face-to-face. He said he'd meet me at my house in Hogsmeade this weekend.
   
I was so scared to tell him what happened. I guessed we could have been more careful, I know that I need to be more careful. I'm getting older, 35 in April. I wasn't too old to have a baby, but I was definitely getting up there.
   
I took the kids out of the house. I took them to The Burrow, so they could see their friends. I thanked Molly for keeping them for the day. She knew why I needed the day alone. She knew that Remus didn't want children, and that I was in for a hard conversation today, but it had to be done. She wished me good luck and I went to find the twins to say goodbye to them.
   
Bradley was already outside with Harry, Hermione, and Ron. When I asked where Lyanna was, Ron said I could find here wherever George was. That was curious. I just said okay and I went to find my daughter. Ron was right, she was with Fred and George in the living room. I told her goodbye, said I'd be back later and I left.
   
Remus arrived not long after I arrived back home. I was nearly shaking as I opened the door for him. "Hi Remus," I say, stepping out of the way for him to enter my house. "Thank you for coming."
   
"Your letter was urgent. I was worried. Is everyone okay? Where are your children?"
   
"Completely safe, everyone. The twins are with the Weasley's for the day."
   
He looks confused, "Well then what's the urgency, Ellie? Why did you call me here? Not that I don't love to see you. And we are alone. If you wanted to be alone with me you didn't have to make me think that someone was hurt in order to get me here."
   
"Remus I'm pregnant," I blurted out, nearly shaking. I was so scared.
   
"You're pregnant?" He asks like he doesn't understand. "And I'm the father?"
   
"You're the only person I've been with since my kids were 4. It's your baby, Remus."
   
"I'm sorry that I did that to you," he says, his face suddenly sullen, his voice sounded disappointed to hear this news.
   
"I'm not," I admit, "this is everything that I have ever wanted. Now we don't have an excuse not to be together. I know you have your fears about having children, but I know that you're going to be a great father."
   
"No," he says, his tone hard. "Ellie this isn't right. You don't understand. That...that thing isn't a blessing like you think it is. You got lucky with your twins but this time you won't be. Do you understand? This child will be cursed. My kind shouldn't breed. You're bringing a monster into the world."
   
"That's not true!" I shriek, "You are not a monster, Remus, and neither is our baby."
   
"I don't want anything to do with that child, Eloise. Besides, it will be better off without a father it will always be ashamed of."
   
I am in tears now. I absolutely expected this. He still hadn't changed his mind about having children and I knew it, but that didn't mean that his words didn't hurt me, because they did. "Remus, I love you. I really do. I have since I was 16. And if this baby is a werewolf it's going to need you, can't you see that? Our baby is going to need you."
   
"It will be better off without me." He says again, keeping his stance on the situation. I was infuriated. Rage was coursing through my entire body. I was so disappointed in him, but I was upset with myself as well for thinking that maybe I'd be able to persuade him.
   
"Well, fine then! If you want to be so stubborn, go! I've raised two children on my own, I can raise a third! I'll be sure to let our baby know what kind of man their father is!"
   
The look on his face tells me that he's just as angry as I am, but his tone doesn't say so. "Very mature, Ellie."
   
"I'm not the one being immature, Remus. You're letting fear keep you from being the great father that I know you can be. If you don't want to be in our baby's life I'm not going to keep the truth from them when they start asking questions. Obviously I can't change your mind so just leave. Leave and never come back. Goodbye and have a nice life."
   
"Goodbye Eloise," he says, his tone hard and he leaves my house, leaving me alone. I heard a pop and I knew he had gone. I fell onto my knees, crying harder than I have cried in years. I knew this would happen but I had a hard time getting it through my head. It just didn't make sense. He called our baby a thing. I should have known that it would have ended this way.
   
I gathered myself together after a while. I was on my kitchen floor, overtaken by my grief. I know it's silly, but I did love him. I always have and I probably always will. After I had stopped crying for a moment I put my hand on my stomach and said, "Looks like it's just you and me, little one. Don't worry. I will love you enough for both me and your father."
   
I took a shower, to wash away the feeling I have, and then I headed to the Burrow, because I needed a friend right now. Molly was surprised to see me so soon, and Bradley thought that I was here to take him home, but I assured him that we would stay for dinner. I told Molly everything that happened with Remus. She told me she was sorry to hear it didn't work out.
   
"It's alright," I say, shrugging, "I raised two kids on my own. I can do a third."
   
"A third?" The voice of my daughter asked as she entered the kitchen. "Mum, you're not pregnant, are you?"
   
George was behind her. She was looking at me hard. Molly answered the question. "Never you mind that dear. Your mum is dealing with a lot at the moment."
   
"It's alright, Molly," I say, slightly smiling at her. "Yes, dear, I am pregnant."
   
She looks absolutely bewildered, "What? Who is the father?"
   
"Well, I guess if I don't tell you Harry will tell you anyways. Professor Lupin is the father, sweetheart."
   
"You're dating Lupin!" Exclaims George. "That's awesome!"
   
"No, we're not dating, George. It's complicated. Remus and I have a romantic history from when we were in school."
   
"So working this year together brought you guys back together?" Inquired Lyanna.
   
"I thought so," I admit, "but I was wrong. He has no desire to be a father. Terrified and certain that the baby will be a werewolf because he's one and my father was too. The same reason we broke up when we were teens. But now that it's happening he's not very happy about it."
   
"And you just let them off the hook?"
   
"Why wouldn't I? I don't need his help. I think I did a good job with you and your brother, have I not?"
   
"I think you have," said George, smiling happily.
   
"Thank you, George," I say and then I stepped over to her, and I cupped her face with my hands, "The important thing is that you're going to have a little brother or sister soon. But don't tell Bradley, he should hear it from me."
   
"You're better than I am," she said, smiling, "I would kill Lupin if I were you." That made us all laugh, and then she asked, "How did Harry know about you and Lupin?"
   
"I went to visit him when I found out that he quit. We talked for a moment, and then we had a goodbye kiss. That was when Harry walked in."
   
"Oh," replied Lyanna.
   
"Alright," said Fred, "I'll do it. That baby is ours now, Ellie. I'm the father."
   
I chuckled, smiling, and I stood up and walked over to him and placed my hand on his face. "You're so sweet, Freddie, but I would never expect that from you. I appreciate it, though. This is my responsibility, and mine alone."
   
"But you and Remus seemed so happy together," said Lyanna, she sounded confused.
   
"I thought so, too, sweetie. But it's okay, because we're still going to have another baby soon. You're going to be a big sister, and I know you're going to be the best big sister ever. I can't wait to see you with the baby." She smiled, but it looked like a forced smile. "Would you go get your brother for me, darling?"
   
She nodded and she left the kitchen, Fred and George followed behind her. I sighed and Molly looked at me, "Lyanna had a point, you know. You let him off too easily. You did last time, too. You just let him go, scot-free. You love him, Ellie, you should fight for him."
   
"I love my kids more than I will ever love him," I tell her, "And I have to put them first. I'm not going to force him to be in our baby's life and be miserable if he doesn't want to. I know that I don't need him. I will be okay."
   
"I would have killed him," she admitted, I smiled.
   
They returned with Bradley then, and I had him sit down and I told him the news. He was certainly surprised, but he also said he wasn't after seeing how close Remus and I were. He told me that he lived me and he gave me a hug.
   
"I love you, too, buddy." I told him.
   
So here I am, 34 years old, pregnant with my ex-boyfriend's baby, and I have to raise another child without a father. Was I stupid for letting Remus leave? Probably, yes. But if he didn't want to be in our baby's life then so be it. I didn't need him. Not for this, and not for anything.

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Here's part 38!

I think you I had plans for them, didn't I?

I honestly didn't know how to get to her figuring it out without it being painfully obvious, so I just skipped to her already knowing.

Also, very disappointed in Remus here. Very, very disappointed.

-Emily Winchester.