OBSIDIAN ISSUE #2 : WOUNDED

THIRTY SEVEN

"Sammie?"

Nagsabay ang mga boses at tawag sa akin sa magkahawig na mukha nila ng pagtataka.

My shoulders trembled and as if I was taken back to the grave, I wailed the same way when I pulled my son once again for a tighter embrace, refusing to let go. Sa lakas ng iyak ay nakalimutan ko na kung nasaan ako at sinusino ang nakapaligid sa amin.

I inhaled his warmth, intent to drown myself with the longing satiated through embracing different times of youth. Matagal akong nakayap ngunit hindi ko lang matukoy paano ako napabitaw sa kanya dahil ramdam ko pa ring yakap ko siya kahit nakaupo na sa harap ni Mama, tinatahan ang sarili sa mga tipid na hikbi.

"Ayaw ko na siyang bitawan. But I also don't want my daughter to think I favored her brother..."

Dumungaw ako sa labas, para bang inaasahan ang pagdating nila Quentin kahit kakaalis pa lamang nila. Minutes ago at the middle of trying to calm me down, he brought the kids out so me and Mama could talk alone.

"You look great," aniya pagkatapos akong pasidahan mula sa naka-high bun kong buhok hanggang sa heels ng sapatos kong may kataasan. "Masaya akong natatanggap mo na rin ang sarili mo."

I pulled in a slow and deep breath, taking my time to arrange myself from the mess I've been. Tinagpo ko ang nangungulilang tingin niya.

"Not quite."

After all the brief emotional ride, I have to remind myself what I'm here for. Naintindihan ang gusto kong mangyari, tumango siya kalaunan.

"Have you talked to her?"

My brows furrowed a bit. She's skirting around the issue with a predictable non sequiturs about Graciella. Maliban sa anak ko, alam niyang hindi tungkol sa ina niya ang ipinunta ko rito. I had a decent amount of memory of that woman so talking about her can only be assumed as nothing but stalling our time.

But if this is her way to start, then by all means.

"She called me after Dad— Lolo, did. Both resented me for not telling them of my return and that her amigas were asking about me...

Humina ang salita ko para bigyang daan ang mapait na halakhak niya.

Alinlangan akong nagpatuloy, "She told me about Inay Hirelda. Instead of sticking to my plan of flying back to Manila, I will extend my stay here, para makabisita na rin sa kanya."

"Nakausap mo pala siya kung ganoon. Have you seen her yet?"

"I might. This week when I go to see Inay. Is she still in a wheelchair?

Her lips pursed and she nodded. "The same mother I know. A bit toned down, but still..."

Wala akong maibigay na ibang reaksyon kundi ang pagtango habang inaalala ang nangyari noon.

Graciella continued living her life through a wheelchair. She could no longer walk, incapacitated by the fall. Unfortunately, the incident failed to brush her a change of heart. It only made her angrier... embittered by her condition. What Mama meant by tone down was probably when it comes to how she treats the both of us. Simula nang ikasal ako ay hindi na niya kami ginugulo, lalo naman noong aksidente at ang sunod sunod niyang mga eskandalo, kabilang na ang tungkol sa pagkatao ko.

It was a big blow to her when she was scrutinized after it was revealed I'm her granddaughter.

But after all, she still wants to keep track of our every move. She remains crawling for the concept of apology. Hindi ko alam paano siya haharapin kung ganoon pa rin ang ipapakita niya sa akin.