Shout

Chapter Thirty Three - The Messenger Always Gets Shot

She looked around my room for a moment and I took this chance to throw the takeout food boxes onto the floor next to my bed where she hopefully wouldn't see them. She strolled to the desk at the foot of my bed and pulled out the chair before gracefully sitting down. 

"I've been trying to call you," My mom said taking in my predicament. 

My cheeks flushed at what she must have thought about me, "I turned my phone off, sorry." 

She nodded, using her hand to smooth her already perfectly ironed black dress pants, "How are you doing?" She asked looking up at me. 

"What are you doing here, mom?" I questioned in disbelief. 

She sighed heavily, "I had nothing to do with last night, Olivia. I swear to you. I'm not a fan of," her hands gestured to the dirty room she was sitting in, "well, this. But I wouldn't go behind your back to orchestrate a public proposal." 

I glanced away from her. Deep down I knew she didn't. It ran too high a risk of me publicly embarrassing her if I turned Aaron down. Or in this case, running out like I was having a nervous breakdown. "I know." 

"I came to see how you were doing." 

I sighed. For once in my life, I just wanted to be honest with her. I wanted to tell her what I actually thought. What I actually felt, "I'm not doing great, mom. Aaron just publicly proposed to me and his dad is blackmailing Alexander with his architectural firm. I feel a little lost right now." 

She nodded, "That's your motorcycle man?" 

I smiled, "Yeah. But I'm not so sure he's mine anymore." The smile fell from my face at the thought of not having Alexander in my life anymore. I couldn't stand the idea. 

"To hell with Aaron," She stated firmly. 

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked in bewilderment. I don't think I'd ever heard her say hell before. 

"If you don't love him, don't marry him," She ran a hand through her perfectly styled hair, "Olivia, I spent much of my childhood stuck in a house I wanted desperately to flee from. My parents were not kind people. They took advantage of an innocent, naïve girl that couldn't defend herself. Perhaps the reason I've been pushing this relationship with Aaron was to make sure that you were financially comfortable for the rest of your life. But, we all know that there's more to happiness than money. If you are vehemently against this, don't do it. The decision is yours and so will the consequences be." 

"But... you love Aaron!" My mouth was incapable of closing at the moment. Where did this attitude come from? 

"I don't love that obnoxious frat boy," She raised an eyebrow at me, "He treats you well enough, I gather. He doesn't degrade you or beat you. I've only ever wanted your safety and well-being. I don't pretend to be a good mother. I was never shown how to be a mother. When you were young, I decided that I couldn't do it and chose to run away to business trips or vacations to avoid dealing with it. This may have been foolish, but I convinced myself that if I wasn't doing what my parents did to me, I was a much better parent than they were. Perhaps I overlooked other damages that this caused you. I'm sorry that I couldn't be what you needed me to be."

I was just staring at her. I couldn't look away. My mother always gave the appearance of perfection and seemed to expect it from me. Yet, here she stood, held down by baggage just like I was - more so even. It didn't take away from the hurtful things she had spent years saying to me, but at least I could understand her now. I could forgive her. 

She stood up, smoothing her blouse and her pants as she did so, "I think you should clean those takeout boxes before you get ants," She nodded to my bedside and my cheeks flushed. 

She moved to the door, "Wait!" I called and she turned her head to look at me, "Who told you to come over?" 

A small smile tugged at her lips, "Avery. She thought you may have needed a different perspective." 

"I thought you hated each other?" I asked in disbelief. Avery and my mother haven't spoken in years. 

"Perhaps there may have been a little jealousy at the family's loving nature and the bond they so quickly formed with my daughter. One that I haven't been able to secure, no matter how many trips I offer to take her on." A sad twinkle glimmered in her eyes. 

"Mom," I trailed unsure of what to say. Avery's parents did fill a lot of the parental gaps that she had left in my life and I would forever love them for that. But, my mother had a difficult life. Maybe she really was doing the best she could with the cards she had been dealt. 

She waved her hand at me, "Never mind me." 

"Do you think you could do something for me before you go?" I asked tucking my legs under me. 

"Of course," She replied instantly and for the first time in my life, I knew that I could count on her.