What They Don't Know (A Trans!Shuichi Story)

Everything will be alright

"It just takes some time little girl, you're in the middle of the ride"

    (Shuichi POV)
I froze. Wait, is this not my room? FUCK FUCK FUCK. I slowly turned my head to see a smaller figure standing in the doorway of the bathroom. The figure had purple hair, a slim figure, and, what looked like a uniform, in their arms. "Kokichi?"

"Yeah, no shit it's me, now what are you doing in my room," he said as he began to inch over to me. I then realized the situation I was in. I had my uniform shirt over my shoulders in front of the sink; Kokichi was right behind me. "I...I just thought....thought this was my room... I'm... I'm sorry I'll be going now...sorry...Uhm," I stuttered as I attempted to put my top back on. I heard Kokichi's footsteps start to get closer to me as I began to fidget with the buttons.

"Well, what we're you even doing? And why are you topless?" He questioned as he got closer. I didn't answer, finally getting half of the buttons buttoned. I felt a hand and my back, "Shuichi are you oka-." My fight or flight instincts kicked in as I spun around, punching Kokichi; knocking him to the ground.

Oh Shit, "Oh, Kokichi I'm sorry, are you okay?" I questioned as I flew to the ground to help him. "what.The.FUCK. FIRST, YOU BREAK INTO MY ROOM. THEN YOU PUNCH ME. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?" He scolded me. I tried speaking, "Kokichi please let me explain, I-."

They cut me off, "No, Saihara, I think you should leave..." I went quiet, I felt bad and wanted to stay so I could help him and apologize, but I also didn't want to annoy them any more than I already have. I stood up, "Okay, I'm really sorry Ouma, I'll go now." I walked out of his room and sprinted down the corridor. I made it to my room and locked the door behind me.

I flopped down onto my bed and grabbed my phone, my earbuds, and pressed shuffle on my music. "Hey, don't write yourself off yet."  The Middle by Jimmy Eat World started playing. I grabbed one of my pillows, tucking it into my chest, and closed my eyes. I was back; back in my 'parents' house, back in my room.

I remember it like yesterday, the day where everything went downhill...

(Flashback 😜)

"mom...dad... I'm, I'm trans"

"what."

"I'm trans, transgender."

"no, no the FUCK you arent"

"YES, I AM. I would PREFER it if you would use he/him pronouns for me"

"No, you were born a girl, you'll always be a girl."

"I'm not gonna have some Tr*nny in my house"

"..."

"Just go to your room you fucking f*g"

(flashback over 🤪)

It's not really a good memory, it's actually horrible and makes me feel like shit. But, that's why I can't let anyone here know that I'm transgender. I'm afraid that they will react the same way, or worse. I don't want them to think any differently of me either. *cough cough* oh fuck how long have I had this thing on for.

I sat up and took off my top. I stood in front of my standing mirror and looked at myself. I took off the sports bra and stared at the impression it made in my skin. It was bruised and scabbed from the other binding attempts. I ran my fingers over the imprints and flinched at the feeling.

I sighed and threw my top back on. I put my head in my hands and sat on the edge of my bed. I needed to go to sleep, it was almost one in the morning. I fell back and made a thump noise when I landed on my bed. My eyelids became heavy, too heavy to hold up.

I fell into a void of darkness, and I let it swallow me whole. Tiredness plagued my body like a deadly disease. I gave in to the feeling and allowed myself to sleep. I felt like a cloud, floating endlessly until something somewhere asked me a question I wasn't ready for.

"Will Everything be Okay?"