Une Fleure Fanée

Week 5 Part 3 (Tuesday and Wednesday)

     I continue sobbing and whimpering, still shaking tremendously. I don't want to go back to that facility. But isn't that where I'm headed? Not if anybody finds out what I'm doing. I have to be careful. Mom takes and squeezed my hand, pulling me out of my thoughts.

     "Was I screaming?" I ask Mom sheepishly, who nods her head and pulls me closer to her. I probably woke her up.

     "I'll be in my room if you need me. Try to get some sleep. I love you," Mom informs me, giving me a peck on the forehead as she closes the door.

     I put my knees to my chest and try to soothe myself by rocking back and forth, trying to take deep breaths. I catch my breath but don't stop crying and shaking. I lay down on my side, put my head on the soft pillow, and look at the blank white wall that my bed was against. It's not blue. I need to go to sleep before the headache sets in. My eyes slowly force themselves to close, and eventually, my whole world becomes dark as I fall asleep.

~~~~~

     I wake up and have the worst headache from crying. I groan quietly in pain. This is what you get for being a baby, Lilliana. I get dressed in a black sports bra with ALDC stitching and black leggings. I stumble to the medicine cabinet and grab a Tylenol pill along with a hair tie to put my hair in a ponytail once the headache is gone. It'll take, like, an hour to kick in. Ugh. I make my way to the living room to sit on the couch while Mom is getting her purse.

     "There should be chocolate Ensure in the fridge. You and Brady are carpooling with GiaNina's mom today. Me and Brady's mom are gonna tail behind in my car. Ok, here's your bag. I'll see you there!" Mom says as I grab the chocolate Ensure and the bag.

     "Bye! See you there Mom!" I holler back as I slam the door behind me.

     I meet GiaNina in the elevator as I hold the Ensure. I open it and pretend to take a sip of Ensure. GiaNina pulls out her own Ensure and chugs it. I pretended to chug mine, very careful to not let a single drop hit my tongue.

     We dunk the bottles in the trash can in the lobby before we book it to the car. GiaNina's mom and Brady are already there. We buckle into the car, us getting into our "assigned" seats. Brady gets the right seat, I get the middle because I'm tiny, and GiaNina takes the left seat. I like the middle seat. It makes me feel secure.

     "You worried about what Ms. Abby's gonna say about your slip-up in the group dance? Or the outburst after?" GiaNina asks me, the memories of the competition suddenly flashing in my head.

     Chills of fear run through me as I looked down, a shiver coursing through my body. I look down at the floor, not uttering a word to answer GiaNina's question. I can't answer her because I don't want to admit that I'm worried.

     "GiaNina, just let Ms. Abby scold her at the pyramid today," Brady groans, placing a hand on my shoulder to comfort me.

     I don't get why Brady is so protective of me. Like he's my big brother. I can defend myself. But maybe I can't. I'm too short and too fat to defend myself. I lean into Brady's side, my face stoic even though emotions are running through my head. I have gotten really good at making that face. He strokes my ponytail as I continue to look down at the floor. GiaNina looks like she feels bad. I glance at her but look back at my feet quickly.

     "Thank you," I murmur to Brady, and he smiles back at me sadly, like he pities me. I hate being pitied.

     I think Brady's secretly really stressed. I think he's safe, he's been carrying our dance team for weeks. Maybe it's the pressure of always being the lead in the group dance. But he's a boy. The only boy. But what can Ms. Abby do about it? Convince the producers to bring in another boy? The producers would never allow it.