happy place || jj maybank ON HOLD

chapter nineteen

"Yes, Rafe. I'll go with you. Thank you." I say. I felt like I couldn't say no, knowing what Rafe just agreed to for me. "But we should really hurry up."

I hop into the passenger side of Rafes truck. He backs out of the driveway slowly, then puts it in drive, heading to the station. He drives with his left hand on the wheel, and the other resting on my leg. He used to do this, everytime he drove. I missed this Rafe, I forgot how he used to be. I feel myself slowly starting to fall for his charm again, and somewhat let myself.

"How long have you been clean for?"

"Since that night. After what I did to you." He admits, "I knew then I had to change."

I smile at him, placing my hand over his own that's resting on my leg. "Well I'm proud of you, Rafe. This is how I remember you. You're already doing better."

He looks over at me for a second, and smiles, then diverts his attention back to the road. He moves his hand from my thigh and intertwines our hands, resting them on my leg. 

The ride is not long, just into town. As we drive, the radio plays softly. Rafe taps his fingers along to the beat, and I let my mind drift, starting out the window at the scenery.

Although I care for JJ, I know I shouldn't. Rafe is right in a way, JJ is careless and reckless. I don't want to keep getting hurt. I can't help but feel content right now. I know JJ would never act like this.

When we arrive at the station, my heart sinks. The seriousness of the situation begins setting in as I break from my wandering mind. I hop out of the car, running in. Rafe pulls forward, going to park behind the building.

"Go, now!" I hear, and I walk toward the desk.

"JJ-" I breathe, stopping in my tracks, almost colliding with him. He turns, making eye contact with me.

He's out, he's already out.

"Who bailed you-"

"Who's this? Your little girlfriend?" The man next to him speaks, turning around.

"Dad." JJ warns, gritting his teeth, but keeping his eyes on me.

"Never told me you had a girlfriend, pretty one at that." His dad speaks again, starting to make me uncomfortable. "I'll see you outside son, better be quick." He finishes, walking toward the door.

I hear the chime of the door, and turn to see Rafe waking in and JJ's father walks out. He still looks good, even though he's put a shirt on now.

"Are you kidding me, Vienna?" JJ scoffs, seeing Rafe.

"We came to bail you out, JJ. it's not-"

"I think it's exactly what it looks like." JJ cuts off.

Rafe comes up behind me, placing a protective hand on my lower back, making JJ scoff.

"I was coming to help you, JJ. I'm trying." I say, barely above a whisper, my voice threatening to break.

"I don't need help, Vienna. Especially not fucking yours." He spits.

"Watch yourself, Maybank." Rafe defends. "She came to me pleading to help you. Don't act like she's a bad person for this."

JJ looks between us, not responding. He shakes his head, looking disappointed.

"I just wanted to help, JJ." I say, eyes watering.

"Don't." He says, before walking away.

This is enough to have me breakdown.

A final straw in a way. I trusted him. I wanted him. Then he fucks a middle aged woman before telling me I'm special. And I still gave him the benefit of the doubt. I still tried, I went out of my way to help. Not even Kie or Pope were here to rescue him. I was.

And he still doesn't care.

I sob into Rafe's arms, still in the station.

"Come on, V. He isnt worth this. Let's go home."

But he is worth it, I think to myself.

He is worth this.

I'm just not worth it to him.

____

We got back to Rafe's, he introduced me to his parents and explained I would be attending Midsummers with him. To which Rose, his stepmother, (yes the one who slept with JJ) responded with excitement. She commented on my beauty, congratulated us, then took measurements of my body, saying she had to go out to find me a "suitable dress" to match Rafe.

The entire thing felt like a blur. I felt numb. My mind was not here, it was with JJ. I wanted him to care, but I knew I could not force him to.

I wondered if it was all fake. Kie said JJ was known for getting around, having a new girl every night without a care. I wondered if since I was closed off, he thought is was a sort or challenge. The night he set up was part of his plan, it didn't mean what I thought.

I wondered when I fell. When did I develop feelings like for him? I didn't want to. I wanted to keep my distance, be there for John.

"Vienna?" Rafe questioned.

"Yeah? Sorry." I answered, breaking out of my thoughts.

"You okay? Did you hear anything I just said?" He questioned, laughing a little so it didn't come off harsh.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, putting my elbows on the counter and rubbing my face with my hands. "No, I'm sorry. My mind is all over the place right now."

"Look, V, I know John B means a lot, I still don't understand why or how, but I can see he does." Rafe says, rubbing my back "and that's fine. I don't mind John B, he works for us, he's not a bad person. But, Vienna, JJ is not John. JJ is not a good person. He's trouble and he's dangerous." He spoke, keeping his tone very soft, "and I know I'm not really one to talk." He added, laughing, "but at least I'm trying. For you, Vienna. I want to be better and I don't want to hurt you." He sighs, "but JJ, I know you don't know him well, his reputations not good. He's known for sleeping around, not caring. I don't want you getting hurt, V. More than you already are."

"I know, Rafe. I know." I say, knowing every word is true. JJ is bad for me. I need to move on and forget about him.

"Let's get you to bed, V." He says, kissing my forehead, "big day tomorrow."

Once we're in his room laying down, he sleeps while I lie awake. I don't feel comforted like when I was sleeping next to JJ. It doesn't feel right. I feel out of place, like I'm betraying him.

But I know he does not care, he said so himself.

I roll over and push my head into Rafe's chest, trying to get comfortable.

Maybe I should forget about all of it.
_____