tw- rape
yeah... you read that right. :(
I'm alone, so this is my only outlet.
I'm sorry.
I can hear my screams from the incident at night.
I can still hear myself pleading for him to stop.
Whenever I close my eyes, I see flashbacks of my legs trying to pry him from inside me.
It's definitely hard as fuck to overpower
a 170 pound dude, especially when you're only fifty pounds below him.
I begged him to stop,
I know he heard my gut wrenching cries.
I know he felt my tears too, but that didn't stop him.
"I know you wanted it because of how wet you were."
what the fuck.
He asked me to give him head after he forced
the innocence from between my thighs.
I just cry, all day, every day.
I don't find enjoyment from the things I used to.
I don't want to leave my bed, I don't even want to meet anyone out of fear that they'll betray me like he did. I don't even want to talk to my friends, because I'll have to explain the hatred he buried into my bones. I'll have to explain why I don't smile or laugh like how I used to. On the car ride home he told me that I could go to him if I ever felt depressed or like harming myself.
how is raping me supposed to help things get better?
how is raping me supposed to make me feel safe to go to you?
how is raping me supposed to make me not wish to self harm?
it's all I ever think about.
His words replay in my mind
like an evil incantation.
How am I supposed to be the same?
It still hurts,
two nights after it happened.
I can feel the ghost of him attacking me.
I don't dream anymore.
I haven't had a ptsd episode from it yet,
but the ptsd is definitely there because I haven't
been able to sleep.
Like this one psychiatric patient said from the 1950's
if you can't sleep, then what's the point of living anymore.
