When I met my Ex

21- Ziana

FOUR MONTHS LATER....

The noise blasts my temples, but I try to cool down the blood throbbing inside my head. The vehicles on the road always trigger a phobia in me, what if I get hit by something one day? I will be so scared to even step out on the streets because they just drive supersonic on the roads, as if people don't walk on them. Yesternight, I had a nightmare wake me up in the middle of 3 a.m., and these things have gotten regular since the day that accident happened. The habitual dolour still resides in me that Sameer, the first love of mine ever, had gone from my life way before I realized that I had been day-dreaming about him for months. I literally have my life saved by the two beautiful gems who are secure and happy. Though one of them has simply changed her world from me, my dear best friend. No one invites me these days to their parties. Sheetal shifted out of our lives since the day that drastic incident happened. I have heard that she is going to marry again, I am so happy for her. Even though she has killed our friendship with so much betrayal. I could have forgiven her because I am blessed today, living a life peacefully, finally, but perhaps she felt guilty and decided to cut up completely. It's ok, I understand the feeling of guilt. But now, I have my most precious thing with me, ALIVE - Raaz Agarwal, my universe.

That day, we both got some injuries, but the truck stopped right when it's wheel could squash him completely, because luck had it that I turned on the dot and screamed for the driver to brake immedeately. He remained on the road trembling vigorously. I ran to help him up, and that very moment, seeing his dusty and flushed face, I hugged him tightly. Purely. No Sameer, nothing came to my mind when I found him so devastated there. His eyes told me that they needed me, all of me, forever.
And that was the fastest therapy for me to come out of the mindly world I was trapped in. Reality hit me hardest that day.

This February, I will marry him. A much waited reward for having so much happened in life but still keeping our belief pinned that we just won't give up hope for a beautiful life one day. And it's happening.
I am spending hours in browsing web about hotels and destinations for our honeymoon. The poor thing that Raaz never helps me in this. I think I should fix up a meeting to discuss this. He must be busy with his work. Raaz got fired from his previous job, and we had some bad moments in between, but now he has found a new one. Or so he keeps saying that he is trying his resume everywhere. Whatever the matter is, I will not leave him unless we die together. With Raaz, things have become better with me. When I run out of my data, I decide to text Raaz that we need to meet at the place I mention. He will read it a minute later, I know. Next, the dresses lying on the bed make me anxious because I want his eyes stuck at me when he sees me in.......umm.......this.......this red hot piece!! When I get ready after hours of trying to make the eyeliner perfect, I hear a ping on my phone. He is waiting for me there.
"Will you come or not?", he calls me and says,
"Yes baba, just a second....", I say.
"I feel so alone when I don't feel you near me, my Zee", he says so passionately,
"Aww, that melts my heart! I love you Raaz", I say and head for a taxi to the restaurant.
"I am waiting, Zee. And be quick. Please.....I love you", he says. His last words echo in my mind, making it spin for a fraction of a second but I regain my balance. The driver stares at my face.
"Where mam?", he asks,
"Did not I tell you?", I ask, surprised.
"No mam, you just entered and remained sitting. I asked you two times!", he says. Fine if I did, but he does not need to explain me my mistakes. I locate him the restaurant with a grumpy face, and he starts his car. The whole drive, I keep chatting with Raaz. He asks me to arrive there so earnestly as if he will die without seeing me for a second more. I don't like attaching the word 'death' to Raaz's name because he came back almost touching death that day, which could not be less than a miracle. I thank the stars for it.

As I step inside the restaurant, Raaz lights up my heartbeat by appearing in front of my face. We both laugh as we hug shortly.
"Were you hiding behind this door or what?", I ask,
"I love you", he says,
"Why you keep repeating that, I know!",
"That's your mind...", he smiles strangely.
"What do you mean?", I blink at him.
"Your mind thinks I repeat this, but whenever I say these words, they don't have an end. They are infinitely going on forever, for you my Zee", he holds my hands and walks me to the corner table. We keep laughing and talking with each other. I complain to him that his continuous calls and texts annoyed me so much. He holds my hands and kisses on them, saying that he will keep annoying me forever if that brings me closer to him. The deep look into each other's eyes don't breathe until a nagging waiter interrupts.
"Yes mam, what would you like?", he asks.
"Umm, you suggest", I look at Raaz. He scratches his chin and flips the menu. Such a snail he is, I snatch the menu from him.
"Mam whatever you like", the waiter says. Why is he so desperate to take orders? There are two people here and it will take time to decide what we will like to choose. I hurry through the menu even if I know the waiter is staring at me endlessly. What an audacity he has in front of my boyfriend!!

I ask for two cups of espresso for now, because the others seem a little costly, or I am just not in the mood to eat heavy. I mean, I and Raaz, we both are here to spend some time and if something delicious is placed in front of me, I will totally forget him and keep gobbling. It will turn into a selfish date, and it's been long that we have sat together and understood each other. Today we want to hold this moment like forever, whatever the place and time be. The waiter still stands there.
"Now what?", I ask. He is purely dumb for this job, making his customers so frustrated.
"One large cup, mam? Extra cream too?",
"Two cups! I can't tear that large cup and divide it into two for us. You understand?", I say, as I drill my anger into his eyes. Raaz leans back on his chair and smirks at the waiter. Hiding his face, he murmurs stupid for the waiter. I curb my laughter at his words. His little things make me feel that my old Raaz is nowhere lost, he is with me only today. I feel so elated to see him unchanged at all, only his love having changed, in fact increased for me. We look at the guy then, who makes a face first, and then smiles.
"Oh now I understood, okay mam two cups. Sorry mam, I didn't see someone else coming too. Two plates of morning snacks too? You just murmured that I guess...", he says. His words are so puzzling, seriously!
"That will be later. Right now, only one. And no third one is arriving for us....",
"O...k...mam", he says and finally goes away. I sigh, and looking at Raaz's lopsided smile, I start giggling. We both burst out loudly.
"Oh God, I have never seen someone so dumb!", I say between my laughs,
"He must be a newbie", he says,
"Why didn't you say anything?", I ask,
"I was enjoying you getting annoyed by him, haha", he shows his mischievous smile. Slowly moving his hands forward, he holds my hands and stares into my eyes.
"I love you.....so much", he says,
"I am sorry for everything that happened. I am sure you haven't forgotten me yet, no?", I ask, but he remains silent on it. Whenever I ask him about forgiving me for my dirty deeds, he turns his head and does not talk much then. It's as if his voice fades away when I take Sameer's name. But today, something different happens.
"Actually, I am sorry that you had to suffer so much and feel embarrassed about them because of me. But trust me, I have let go of everything", he hangs his head down, but eyes still up at me. His last words send a twinge down my spine suddenly, not known why. The affect of his sweetness remains in me, and I caress the back of his palm and smile.
"Shut up or I will smooch you right now", I say. His cheeks get that blush of soft pink that makes me so exhilarated to kiss him. Instead, I crumple my own dress as if it's his warm touch covering my skin. I take my right leg forward and try to touch his legs. He starts getting uncomfortable but enjoys what I do. I love to tease him so much. How come I never understood Raaz loves me so much? I am glad I have not lost this last reason of my life. My heart wants to clasp him tight and keep him secure.

"We shall marry soon, no?", I say,
"Or better let's stay like this. Life is so wonderful in any way", he says,
"I had plans for kids and a family, but now when I rethink, staying alone like this is better. We don't have people with us who would care to meet us once. I feel we together are a complete family, no?", I say.
"Yes, but I have already made an offer for Taby", he says. I shoot a questioning look at him.
"The brown pug, don't you remember? We went together to select him from the pet shop. He will be our kid, a small but sufficient family. And so happy....", he says.
"But I need a ring on my finger!", I inflate my cheeks. He holds my hands again and says, "You can wrap me all around you, what will a small ring do?". He is so adorable, but does he not know that I have blanketed him forever on my life? I'll never let him go.....

The tension builds between us when we feel the burn to smooch each other hard. At the wrong time, the waiter arrives and serves us the two cups of hot espresso.
"Thanks", Raaz says to the waiter, who gives me a confused stare and goes back.
"Why does he have to eye me like that? Does not even know manners when you thanked him!", I nod and collect my cup.
"Some people are weird. Anyway, thanks for never leaving me even though I am not worth your sweet company", he smiles.
"That's what Pravin also hated about you, seeking sympathy. No babe, I don't want our past to ruin our future. And stop with this guilt game! You seem to just outhear me when I talk about the past. Raaz, hello?", I say so many words but all he does is stare at me.

"I love you Raaz, please don't punish me like this. Let's change the topic!", I say and push his cup towards him. His eyes are shining like small beautiful stars....like the one that always glitter in the sky when my window remains open. I don't know who is there in that, but it's gleam can be seen in him now, as if it's a part of him.
"Will you say something now? Are you for real, mister? Idiot.....I love you forever", I giggle and sip from the hot cup in my hands.
But he just keeps staring at me, no words, no blinking, nothing at all.....just stoned like a poster. His gaze keeps intensifying.

And his cup of coffee remains untouched.....

- THE END -