To The Moon and Back

𝟏𝟓 | 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐬

I listen to her rambling, barely, before shaking my head. "Who?"

She sighs dramatically. "You know, that girl that told the entire class that you had coke in your bag, which for once, you did not." she toys with the dainty gold necklace around her neck. Right, her. "Juliet?"

I nod. "Yeah, I remember." barely. And then, I shake my head. "Nah. Not in the mood. She can fuck off."

Pandora sighs, shoving my shoulder slightly. "Aw, c'mon, baby." the pet name makes my expression turn sour. Baby is so fucking overused at this point. "When did you get so boring?"

I stare at her blankly and I know that it makes her nervous. She hates being judged, and I so happen to be her biggest judger. "I didn't. I just don't care for some cunt with no life." I say. "She only said that because I wouldn't sell to her one fucking time."

I feel a mixture of emotions bubbling beneath my skin and the longer that she is here, the more I feel myself feeling confused. I need to be alone and isolated. That way, nothing can bother me. I can block everything out and keep writing. But even now, I think I want to move onto something else. Maybe I could attempt to fix the lock for the guest bedroom.

I don't usually like fixing things. I'm not good at it. But maybe today I can be.

"Okay. . .you're being weird." she trails off, her eyes slowing moving to the door as if planning a quick exit, but I couldn't care less. If she wants to leave, she can fucking leave. Because I don't need her. "If you don't want to have fun, then I'll leave you to your. . .weird activities."

An idea sparks in my head about how I've always wanted to go back to this observatory just a half-hour drive from Hastings—near Brighton, therefore just over an hour of driving, depending on the traffic. 

The last time I went there was not long before I discovered what was wrong with me. I was in my early teenage years, early enough that I actually enjoyed going out and hadn't discovered how amazing it can be to hide beneath blankets in a dark room all day and stare at a blank, porcelain wall as though it's a television.

It was one of the few trips we—me and my dad—took without my sisters. It just him and I. No Mercy, no Alula, and no Everly, most importantly, no mum. She stayed home with her other children because she refused to hire a babysitter, and dad and I are the only ones that care about the stars and planets. To them, it's just blackness and glimmering lights. So it was just the two of us.

We made a day trip out of it and we attended the stargazing event once the sun finally had set. I remember it so well. Dad had blonde hair back then and he looked so young—like me. There's you and me he said as he pointed to a big star next to a significantly smaller one. Me and my little man.

As I observed those two dainty stars, sparkling in the night sky, I imagined there was a thin white line connecting the two, creating a constellation, and when my father ruffled my hair and asked do you wanna go look through the telescope? I eagerly nodded. The line didn't suddenly feel imaginary, it felt literal. Real. We were our own constellation.

Ever since, I've wanted to go back, but my days and weekends are filled with a specific time consuming routine. On weekdays it's school—if I feel like it, which is rare—then work, then sleep. On weekends it's parties, sleep, work, sleep. And somewhere in between all of that, I have to take my medication—which is no longer an issue, thank fuck—and manage to eat. 

"Do you want to go somewhere with me?" I ask and suddenly the door looks even more inviting. "I'll grab my keys, I'll get my wallet and we can go to this place—it's, like, an hour drive. I can take you to see the planets and the stars, and we can stay there forever."