Sissy Boy (ManxBoyxBoy) ⎰⛑⎰

65. ιи∂єтєямιиαтισи

B L A K E 

I glanced over at Ashton, sleeping soundly on the bed, his beautiful blonde hair splayed out on the pillow. He was so gorgeous, especially up close. He had the smoothest, softest skin I'd ever felt in my entire life. His skin made the softest silk look like cheap hotel linens. I loved to watch him sleep, he looked so beautiful with his guard down. I often wondered what he thought about when he was sleeping, he always looked so happy and relaxed. 

Ashton had come back to the room around two, came and cuddled up to me, and we talked for a while. I felt so helpless in this situation because I can tell even though he's faking it well, he's extremely shaken by the bombshell that his mother has dropped in his lap. He grew up his entire life believing with his whole heart that the man raising him was his father, only to find out at the worst possible time that he wasn't his biological father. 

Coupled with the beating, this news could overwhelm him and that terrifies me. I've known plenty of addicts, and it doesn't just magically go away. When you're having a great time, living it up, and are happy it's easy to forget about the demons in your closet... but when life happens and things start to get too overwhelming the first thing you're hit with is a strong desire to use again. I want to believe that Ashton would go to me, or even to Puzzle if he felt the urge but I wasn't sure. 

Ashton wasn't the most open and communicative person, probably from years of internalizing any problems that he had to keep from upsetting his parents or disappointing them. I knew that pain well, it's not exactly easy being the bastard son of a billionaire. But, my life had been a lot easier than Ashtons. 

It seemed almost like the cards were stacked against him from the beginning. His dad started off with a violent history. Because of the pending investigation, Emmett Carter's history was pulled up into the forefront of the investigation. There were calls from all of their neighbors between 1992 to early 2003, when suddenly the calls stopped. Coincidentally, when Ashton was conceived. I suspect that his mother cheated on his father and got pregnant and Emmett, believing that Ashton was his son stopped abusing his mother for the nine months of the pregnancy. When she delivered, they brought baby Ashton home to the house they currently live at, which is far enough away that you can't hear anything from one house to the next. 

It was a theory at best, based on what little I'd picked up from listening when I probably shouldn't have been. But, I felt like in this scenario anything I do know can help me and anything I don't know can hurt me. I just wanted to get Ash back home and get on with our lives. Things were a lot different from when we first got together, but it really seemed to work well for us. 

I love Ashton with every fiber of my being, I never thought that it'd be so easy to know that he's with Puzzle as well. I don't feel jealous of them, or even really think twice about it. I actually quite like it, being honest. I'm a solitary person, I've spent my whole life alone and never minded. I don't mind the time alone, it's relaxing, and knowing that Ashton is with someone I can trust really makes it easy to kick my feet up. I don't really feel jealous of them because I know our relationships are drastically different, I suppose. 

I am his dominant, his caregiver and daddy, and Puzzle is his boyfriend. The dynamic is nothing at all similar in the two relationships. With me, Ashton is submissive. He doesn't have to worry about making decisions, he knows that I've always got his best interest in mind, he knows that if something is too much for him I'll take a hold of it and fix it for him. I'll provide for him what he needs, wants, and asks for, I'll hold his hand in the daytime and completely ravish him that night. With Puzzle, he is always at an equal level with him. He never knows what they're going to do until they decide to do it. They discuss their plans with each other and decide together. He has to make decisions, order for himself, and really has to pull his weight with their relationship because it's completely opposite to the one with me.