The smile on my face couldn't have faded faster when Sarah Cameron's name slipped from John B's mouth. My heart sank when he told them about where he had been the day before, with her. "He was mackin' on her" JJ joked
"I wasn't macking." John B argued. "You were totally macking Sarah Cameron." JJ continued, the conversation muting in my mind as I sat there, my mind rushing with thoughts.
I sat there, silent as they all argued. I brought my hand to my face, nervously biting at my nails. I didn't know how to feel or act. I wasn't sure, but it felt like if I looked up at John B I'd cry. It's not like I had known him long but yesterday morning he was in my bed, lying next to me as we slept. He was the first person I had kissed after Bianca. I didn't make the decision to trust him lightly.
Now I felt stupid. I knew better than to let my walls down, to let people in. Maybe trusting the pogues was too much, too fast.
It's not like I could sit there and act surprised that he would do it. I had no clue what kind of person he was. I had let myself fall for him without truly getting to know him. I thought the morning before was the beginning of that chance but as I sat in front of the fire, tears brimming in my eyes I knew I was wrong.
We had gotten up sometime later, getting into the van and driving over to the hawk's nest. I was sitting with Pope and JJ in the back, none of them knew about the morning before. Laying in bed with John B felt so far now, it felt foreign to think of.
"m'lady," JJ said, holding a joint in his finger. A light laugh finally escaped my lips as I accepted his offer. Somehow JJ had just what I needed.
"So I think I'm gonna do this one by myself.. tonight," John B said as we stopped, his eyes never once falling on me.
I couldn't bring myself to listen to the conversation. I just sat next to JJ with the joint in my hand. Occasionally taking a hit from it. When I did I would allow the smoke to fall slowly from my mouth.
"Just promise me nothing's happening between you guys." Kiara's words had brought me back to listening. "I promise." John B told her, his eyes falling on me. We made quick eye contact, I stared with cold eyes at him. He swallowed and turned back to the others.
"Anyways, um... I'm gonna take care of business." He said as he got out, the thunder louder as he opened the door. I let my head fall back, hitting the side of the van as I let out my breath. I was fine. I was okay. We were friends, and friends were allowed to kiss other girls.
Eventually, it had gotten too hot, and a bit too hotboxed in the car, so we opened the side door. The air was warm and sticky, though it was feeling better than the hot air the door being closed offered.
I sat next to JJ, my head resting on his shoulder. I let the numb high rack my body and wash away my feelings. JJ's head moved to rest on top of mine, the simple action enough to help me calm down and feel a bit better.
I could tell the pogues knew something was going on. It wasn't rocket science to figure out what spoiled the mood I was in when we were fleeing Midsummer.
"you guys hear that?" Kiara asked, the three of them silencing their conversation as they listened. I lifted my head, paying attention now. I focused, trying to figure out what Kiara was talking about.
We shared a look, the rolling thunder louder than anything. Although after a second I heard it. "Please somebody help!"
The pogues must have heard it too because we all stood." oh, I hear that" JJ said, jumping from his spot and rushing out of the van. The four of us ran over to where the screaming was coming from.
It didn't take long for us to run over, finding Sarah leaning over John B. "Sarah, what happened?!" Pope yelled as we got closer. "I don't know what to do. He needs help. Topper shoved him" Sarah cried out.
"Oh, please, please, please get help. I don't care who. Just call someone" She continued, her arms around John B.
"go! go!" JJ yelled to Pope who began running, JJ placed his arm around my numb body. "Pope hurry!" Kiara yelled to the boy.
I moved closer to JJ. Everything felt like it was collapsing around me. I felt like screaming, my lungs not able to hold it though as I let out a choked cry.
The feeling of answering the phone at Bianca's flooded my system and I felt myself begin to drop, my knees starting to let up. JJ immediately held me closer, keeping my body up, hugging me tighter as I cried. I couldn't help the way every thought came back to Bianca. Wanting the girl now more than ever.
I dug my head into JJ's arms, not wanting to look at Sarah and the boy any longer. The sight hurt me too much to watch as we waited for help. I felt useless, there was nothing I could do to help the boy.
No matter how much I wanted to.
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