U & I

Talk About It

"Stokeley even if he did I would not care. I have other priorities in life like you and work. I would not be out here tryna cheat"

"It's not that I don't trust you, mama, I just don't trust him I have a bad feeling about him. If I see him I'm going to address it"

"Go ahead, I won't stop you. How long has this been bugging you tho"

"Almost a year, I saw the way he would watch you at your poetry shows. Always sending you music, love songs at that. It is a clear sign that he likes you. For a boy, when you listen to his music you are teasing"

"Well I'm not, I listen to your music and that wasn't a flirty thing to you"

"No, but it was a turn-on. I love music in general and you listen to damn near anything so we connect on numerous levels"

"Whatever ugly, get dressed. I wanna go for a walk. Let's find a club or sum"

"I'm coming"

Serayah POV:

We were in the studio today because Jarad was working on two albums. His project with future was the first to start making songs for. I try to be in the studio with him as much as possible because he is constantly taking those pills. I just need him to calm down a little bit. It seems like his intake would go up in the studio. It was scary but I tried my best to limit what he would do. The mixture of smoking doesn't exactly help either. I tried to get Gabe to come out to Chicago but he was on the road with Jah. I just need some support with this problem.

"Jarad you gotta slow down off the drugs"

"Rah I am good, they just help me tap into a special side. My creative side," he said sitting back trying to let the high take over his body. "Baby I love you, you know that right?"

"Yeah J, I do, I'm just worried about this intake you have. I mean this is dangerous and on top of that you smoke a whole lot"

"You be smoking with me"

"I am here with you because I am scared of what I will back to if I am gone for a minute. You need to slow down. I can't afford to see you laid-" I was fighting tears. I lost a boyfriend to drugs once back in high school. I have known drug abuse as a very personal trouble for me. I was also hooked at one point but I cleaned up that act and I try to stay far away from it as possible. I didn't want to find Juice the same way I found my ex. It was horrible and scary and to this day the image is burned in my head. I remember it like it was yesterday...

Flashback:

I was on my way to my boyfriends' house. We had to do a science project together and we said we would go get food. I reached the door and knocked on it.

"Hi Mrs. Kingsley, how are you"

"Serayah dear, I am doing alright, how are you," she said hugging me.

"I'm doing good, ready to start doing this homework."

"Well, he is in his room as usual. He has been quiet all day, probably having a rough time. This high school stress you all go through, I couldn't begin to imagine how it feels"

"Ah yes very stressful. I will go check on him."

"Alright dear"

I walked up the steps and crept to the door. It was always unusual for Erin to be so quiet, he always played music. His mom tries not to bother him she just assumes he is always doing homework or sleeping because that's what our schedule really consisted of. I get to the door and knock on it. "Erin," I said softly, just in case he was asleep I wouldn't want to wake him. Slowly opened the door and his room smelt horrible. The mixture of drugs and sadness had a sent and this was that sent. I saw him on the bed and I went to open the blinds. The sunlight touched his face and still didn't move. "For someone who isn't a heavy sleeper you sure are one today huh" I threw a pillow and still no response. I shook him trying to get him to wake up and nothing. I pulled the cover off and saw him lifeless with a needle in his arm and a half-empty pill bottle. I tried so hard to wake him up but nothing. All I could do was cry. I let out the loudest scream and his mom came running up the steps. She stood there in shock and the smell clearly hit her face. She called the ambulance and his dad rushed home. I wouldn't let Erin go, they had to pry him out of my grasp, I was holding, hoping he would cough it up. He was dead and had been dead since the night before. An overdose that seemed accidental. I had to explain to his family and mine that he was using and I tried to get him off but I clearly didn't get through. Shortly after, I went to college and start using acid and xans. That's how I met J, he was a supplier at the time. One day I almost overdosed but J was there and I was off to rehab that summer.

End of Flashback

I was reminiscing and began to ball. J just held me and the only sounds in that studio were the sounds of me crying and him trying to calm me down. He said he had a song for me.

"This gon make you smile, for real," he said as I started to wipe my tears from my face. I don't got the chorus yet but check me out I got the verse. Yo, play that joint foe," and the melody for the song started.

"Uh, that's a play, I don't play, close the curtain
All this heartbreak shit blow, like his name Kurtis,
All she ever do is do blow, and make me nervous
It's an AP, not a Hublot, but let me stay focused
Rayah, Rah you know, if you leave me
You askin' for the gun smoke, this is real, no cap, baby, no joke
You are my home, crack a smile when your name surfaces on my phone..."

I watched him escape into his music heaven, this song was so good. Not just because it was about me but because it was genuine feelings. I knew he started playing the music to avoid the rehab talk and to avoid taking anything else. I really need him to slow down but I guess we will have to come back to this topic.

Ayana POV:

"Jah!! Ain't no way I'm getting on that bike wit you! You are so silly"

"Babe come on!! COME ON!!" He said in a silly voice. He just bought his second motor cycle and lord know he was in love. I couldn't keep him away from the motor bike store. He chose to sell his first one and gave that money to charity. I on the other hand have been saving money so we can start setting up this new baby room. I wanted to move to Texas but Jah said we should wait until our baby was two years old. I was cool as long as the idea wasn't out the window. He gonna need more open road to ride this bike on. I need more kitchen space and I want to have a outdoor kitchen. May backyard have one but they had break down a room install from scratch. I wouldn't mind doing that but if I'm gonna tear down my house I need the whole thing to come down. "Never wanna go on bike rides with me," he said with a sad puppy dog face.

"Jah you don't even know how to ride that thing. You stopped traffic that one time at night. I told you to get lessons before you buy a good quality bike. You gon scratch this one up, you keep playing. Or end up in a crash."

"Nothing is gonna happen to me Redd, you just scared that I'm gonna leave my rap career and become a biker. Join a biker gang, get the vest and all"

"Boy please, scared? That just means I would have more help with the baby from the father that will no longer be on tour. That sounds like a win for me. You would never leave the industry anyway. You have too much love for your fans to just up and leave. Your in your prime anyway"

"That you are right about, I am going to change the game!"

"You already did that in a way Jah"

"But now I have Stoke back on my side! We gon destroy this shit"

"That would be a sight to see"

"Yeah, but Ima head to the studio so I see you later alright baby"

"Ight baby, be safe. Don't do nun stupid because I promise I'm gon laugh"