Her Splintered Heart - Natasha Romanoff

Painful past

Start off with thanking @EmmaPersson205 for helping me tweak prompt 3.

Trigger warnings: mentions of abuse, got some kink content, ⚠️this beautiful sign will indicate that you innocent souls shouldn't read.

Lastly just so you all know I love receiving feedback from you. I don't bite. Now let's get into the chapter.

Time skip: 2 weeks. Friday's class.
Freya's bruises have basically healed, she spends the weekends with Nat. Freya still hasn't shared about her past until when in today's class it consumes her thoughts and makes her rather....let's say, sassy.

Freya's POV:

Last night I was accompanied by 4 night terrors and terrible insomnia. To say that I was pissed was an understatement. I also had no coffee. I had class with Natasha this morning, I'm supposed to get in the car with her and drive to her apartment for the weekend but I have to go to the gym to get a spar in. I'm so angry I like to think I could kill a man. I know what your thinking. You should call your girlfriend tell her what's going on. That's the issue I can't. I can't just burden her with my past. If she knew what went through my head on my past on a day to day basis I'm pretty sure she'd never leave me alone. I grabbed my gym bag and headed out my dorm door my head was throbbing.

I walked into class and Nat smiled at me but I don't think I could comprehend anything right now. I sat down in my chair and put my computer on my desk. Class started a minute later. Natasha said good morning to the class. We were expected to respond but I didn't I was to lost in thought. She looked at me "dobroye utro Freyya" I glared at her and she cocked her eyebrow at me. She continued on with teaching while I thought about the countless hours of abuse I'd gone through when I was younger.

Thirty minutes later she looked at me and tapped my desk snapping me out of my concentration. She was asking me one of those routine questions that she asked every week to see if we'd actually been practicing. But Natasha asked me for show, she knew I could speak Russian easily "Freyya kak proshlo utro?" (How was your morning?) I could tell she was eagerly waiting for me to respond. She said it was cute when I spoke Russian. Just then a memory flashed into my mind. It was my father, slapping me and telling me I couldn't be loved. I was brought out of the memory when Natasha put her hand on my shoulder. I glared at her "otvali" (fuck off). She stepped away and left me alone the rest of the class.

Natasha's POV:

She's being a real brat right now. I mean she's given me some attitude here and there but she shut it down real quick after I'd cock my eyebrow at her. She's really gonna get it the minute we get into the apartment. I don't take attitude from her. She's my good little girl.

⚠️I dismissed class and to my surprise Freya began to file out with the rest. I managed to get a hold of her arm and pull her back to me "where do you think your going little miss?" She struggled against my grip "let me go" my eyes narrowed on her. She was angry but there was a hint of pain. "No babygirl, now let's get to the car" she tried to break my grip "just let me go!" She had attitude in her voice I had enough of it. I parked my car close to the building so I picked her up and carried her to the car "buckle up little miss or I'll do it for you" she rolled her eyes and glared at me buckling up. It took everything in me not to spank her for her misconduct.

I entered the apartment with her over my shoulder. I put her on the couch "what's all the attitude for missy?! Your being very naughty today" she crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out I reached and grabbed her tongue holding it in between my fingers "seems like you don't remember what I've said about sticking out your tongue. I'll remind you. You stick out your tongue I'll put your tongue to work. Got it?" She shook her head and I let it go "now get over here for your punishment" she just stood there so I pulled her to me and spanked her hard once, she whimpered, I did it once more and turned her to me "are you done with your little act?" She looked broken now, as if I'd snapped her out of her anger and she was just lost now. I pulled her into my lap "do you understand why I punished you sweetheart?" She shook her head and started to tear up I held her face "I didn't hurt you did I?" She shook her head no. Her eyes were everywhere. ⚠️We'd been working on eye contact for a while now but she was terrified right now. I stroked her cheek "somethings on your mind darling, I can tell, I know you don't want to share your past but it's eating you inside darling" she looked down "I ummm I had f-four night terrors last night....a-and really bad insomnia" she was shaking. I pulled her into me and cradled me "darling. It's about time you let this off your chest. I want to help you. I'm here and I'm not leaving."

Freya's POV:

I looked into Nats eyes. They were reassuring and kind. I couldn't hold it in anymore "when I was younger my dad was an alcoholic. He was angry a lot. He would uhhh he would beat the shit out of me for everything. I could bring him one too many paper towels and he'd beat me for wasting. I lived my life covered in bruises, cuts, burns." She looked shocked when I paused for a breath, I wasn't thinking anymore. I was just lost in my story. I continued "one day I walked into my house after going on a grocery run for my dad, t-they were laying on the floor...twenty seven shots to my father and twelve to my mom....after that Yuri came in and beat me. Told me if I didn't say it was SHEILD he'd kill me like my parents. He said that SHEILD made him do it. He took me in and put me through hours of countless training and computer programming classes. I can name the exact side of each bolt in a computer, and the name of a hundred different computer parts. I'm capable of killing people without it hurting me. I'm a murder Natasha. SHEILD has intel of when I was born, my actual name. Yuri told me that I was taken by my father as a baby, I call him my father but he really isn't. He raised me and I never knew until months ago....love isn't something I know, I'm not 'capable' of it as Yuri would say. I wasn't a human to him. I remember every single god damn day of my life the endless nights of beatings and torture for failing a mission. Some nights I can physically feel the hot metal against my skin, men cutting into my flesh. My body not being able to tolerate the unimaginable pain and giving into darkness was my anesthetic. I can't stop it playing in my head, like a broken record over and over and over again" I began to hit my head but she grabbed my hand and held it down. I felt her put her hand on the back of my head and she pressed my head to her chest so I could listen to her heartbeat. I sobbed "my whole life has been a lie.....I don't even know who I am anymore" she rocked me "I'm sorry baby, I want to take it away, I know who you are, your my babygirl, my princess, my angel. Your my everything baby. You've really been keeping this in your head all this time?" She looked down into my eyes I shook my head yes. She cupped my face and kissed me, right then my mind eased and I clung to her. She stroked my hair "baby?" I looked up at her "yes mo-ma'am?" She smiled "it's ok you can call me mommy if you want to. And have you ever taken meds for the night terrors, or anxiety?" I smiled at the mommy part "yes mommy and they didn't help at all, they make me angry and I just don't want them" she kissed my head "ok pumpkin we won't get them then, I'll just take care of you when they come, I'll ride it out with you. I love you, you know that right baby?" I shook my head and looked at her beautiful eyes. I wasn't ready to say I love you. But maybe I should. I do care about her a lot. I wish I wasn't so terrified of attachments to people. For now I just cuddled into her and watched the TV.
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Natasha's POV:

She's got so much going on in her pretty little head. My babygirl. She didn't deserve the shit that was done to her. Four night terrors in one night are you fucking kidding me, and that wasn't even her record. I held her small form close to me searching for any visible scars that I could see and wondering what story came with it. This was my princess, my baby. She didn't deserve the things she saw, did, had done to her. I wanted to get those files for her so she could be at rest with at least one thing. I decided I'd call Fury later tonight when she was asleep. I stroked her hair and kissed her head. I checked her pulse it was steady for her. I was constantly checking her pulse so I could know if a panic attack was coming. Now I knew what her attacks and terrors were about. I'd come to peace with the Red Room. I couldn't help but know that she was dying inside from seeing these things over and over. My baby. I held her closer to me and looked at the clock. It was almost dinner. She had to be hungry, we skipped lunch because she was talking to me about everything. I wasn't gonna interrupt that. Now I know why she never wanted to eat. I put my hand on her stomach and felt it rumbling "babygirl are you hungry?" She looked up at me "yes but I feel sick if I think about food" I stroked her hair "ok dorogoy (sweetheart) I'll help you eat"

OKKKKKK THIS WAS A LONG ASS CHAPTER BUT I REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT. FEEDBACK IS WELCOME!!

As always: thank you, I love you beauties!!!