»»----»♡«----««
♡ in which the saddened girl falls for the happiest person in the world. And that person helps overcome her saddened state.
♡ "I am truly sorry for everything"
[TW: mentions suicidal tendencies, as well as suicide as a topic!]
[Also...
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❃
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[TW: cutting mentioned, if you are going through this please seek help!]
with shaking hands she grabbed her phone, what was she to do now? was all just a dream she couldn't relinquish? or was this the true reality in which she lived in?
instead, she stopped questioning the circumstances, and instead called for an ambulance. what was she to do with everything now?
her extended family could care less about her right now. no one cared about her, she was nobody.
and this case, it meant she was invisible without having to do anything to be so. no one cared, no one needed her, nothing. she a nobody, and she dwelled on that for so long. for so long she had lived being ignored by her mother's family after her death, and now her father's family? what was the luck she had?
'I thought.. I knew everything. but all I know is that I am a unwanted child with no one and nobody.'
she was alone for the first time in her life. and all she did was dwell on negative thoughts that held no meaning to her. she was just another human being, who, like most were wanted. were needed. a disappointment to everyone she's ever met.
- -
y/n held the umbrella in which she now carried with her as she walked through the deserted streets of her neighborhood. she stared down at the floor as she walked no where, her mind on the idea of finding a tall enough building.
however, she saw a convenient store. she walked in, walking down to the isle that held the box cutters and blades. maybe the idea of finding a tall enough building would be plan B if, the now, plan A didn't work. what could possibly happen?
she paid for blades, along with something to drink and other things. she walked out of the store, staring up at the sky. it was dark, and it was drizzling. a perfect mix in her eyes. she could go with a silent death.
and she walked, finding a abandoned place. she climbed to the roof and sat there, opening her can of f/d and took a sip. as she swallowed it, her hand went for the blades, ripping the package open and holding it between her fingers.
she pondered on the thought. hoping that, at least, she would get her rest. that she'd be free of all the torment she went through, be free of all the things that happened in her life- she was finally going to be free.
as she was getting ready to drag the blade across her porcelain skin, she stopped. if she did this, would she finally be happy? would she finally get her closure. she wouldn't know unless she tried, and it was tempting.
but she got stopped, her phone chimed with endless messages of notifications. she ignored them, her hand inching towards her arm.
her phone started ringing, the sound making her wonder if she were going to answer it. as she swallowed the lump in her throat, she declined the call. she laid on her back, the rain falling on her, her tears mixing with it.
what had gone wrong in her life? was she truly better dead than alive? or was she just damned to be treated like nothing ever mattered? she knew the answer to all of them. so, with a shaking hand, she did it.
her eyes were closed, the pain subsided and she was now left with a open wound.
she had didn't the very thing she had swore to never do. even if her life got so fucked up, she swore to never do it. it was her only way to still stay in touch with reality for a little while.
she had broken that forsaken promise she made. and she was doomed with a scar on her porcelain skin. after everything she'd done to keep it clean, she was now damaging it.
- - -
she awoke, touching her arms and legs. she looked for scars, for blood anything. however, when she ran her fingers along her left arm, she felt it. a scar that was beginning to it scan up. she was an idiot.
she had hoped everything was a dream. that everything held a awful nightmare to scare her, but no, it was all true. she hated herself for this.
when she went to the bathroom and saw looked at herself in the mirror. she didn't see herself. she saw a girl who was dead inside, who held no emotions anymore. that life and death finally broke her. it hurt more knowing that she was finally broke and dead. how did she, the girl who smiled so much in her younger years, become so... dull?
she just sighed out and bathed.
when she got out though, she was refreshed but dead. it hurt her. she know remembered that her father was dead, that she would have to start working to pay off the any bills he had left. and to try and get in contact with her family. what was wrong with everything she did?
nothing really, she just lived that way. always blaming herself for everything, always getting mad at herself for getting bullied, it was always her in the end, even if it wasn't.
so, with a small sigh, she got ready for the many meeting she would have with her family to have this funeral for her father- even if they told her in the beginning that she wouldn't get any help from them. she was determined. determined to get her father the peace he needed.
