Cigarette Daydreams - l.s

5

20 cigarettes

I haven't seen harry in two weeks. We've called and texted a lot, but Harry's out of town right now, says he's visiting family. I know visiting family is really important but god I miss him so damn much. I'm starting to come to the conclusion that I might like him a bit more than I'm letting myself believe.

Just yesterday I was watching this really cute romantic movie and I started thinking about relationships, and how much I wish I could have one. At first I was confused when every thought I found myself picturing myself with Harry. Holding hands, kissing, laughing, cuddling, going on dates. I wanted it to be real so bad, and I don't know how I was just coming to terms with my feelings.

How could I have not ended up falling for those gorgeous green eyes, that beautiful smile, his deep dimples, and god those curls of his could drive me crazy. I would love to run my fingers through them while I hold him close.

I feel so stupid, sitting here smoking while thinking about a boy I can never have. I know he hates my smoking and would never be able to put up with it as more than a friend. He'd never be able to stand being around me that often with the horrid smell he hates.

I wanna quit so bad, but I can't find it in me to do so. It just feels so good to smoke, even the thought of not smoking anymore makes me want another cigarette. It's sickening that I feel this way but it's just the way I live. If anyone asked I'd tell them I've always been like this; addicted to smoking. I know that's a lie though. There was a time when I hated smoking and thought it was disgusting. I swore to myself I would never smoke a cigarette no matter how tempted, but that just didn't last.

My thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of my phone. I grabbed the cigarette and out the end into the ash tray twisting it around. Once I was sure it was out I grabbed my phone answering it to stop the annoying ringing.

"Hello." I answered in a bored tone, not really pleased that my alone time was being interrupted.

"Hi Louis!" Harry's smooth deep voice said excitedly in response.

"Oh Harry! Hi, how are you? How's it visiting your family." I brightened up being able to talk with him. If it was anyone else I'd be itching to get off the phone.

"Huh? Oh oh yeah they were good I'm actually home now, just got back this morning." I could sense he had a big smile on his face as he spoke.

"You seem offaly happy." I giggled a bit at him. I'd don't think I've ever heard someone exerting so much happiness just over the phone.

"I've just been feeling great these past few days and I'm so glad to be back. I missed you a lot, you know that Lou?" He rambled. I felt my heart beat faster knowing he was thinking of me.

"Really? I missed you too Hazza, so much. It's been ages since I've seen you." I crossed my fingers hoping he'd suggest we hang out. I was too nervous to ask now that I've got feelings for him. Before it was so easy because it was just a casual question to a good friend. I wish I could go back to those days. I wish I didn't like harry. Everything would be so much simpler in our relationship. I wouldn't constantly be nervous, or wondering if he liked me back, or suffering by giving myself false hope because I know he would never like me.

"I know it's been too long. Why don't we hang out. We could go into town, walk around for a bit and catch up." Harry suggested. I was overfilled with joy that he actually asked.

"Yeah definitely. How about we meet up at subway on Green Avenue, in like 30 minutes?" I asked already hopping up from my seat to get ready.

"Sounds great. Can't wait to see you. I'll send you a text when I'm heading there." Harry coughed a bit at the end.