Finding Life Again

CHAPTER 26

After arriving at Leo's flat, Kai yearned for a comfortable place to lay and sleep for long hours without anyone disturbing him, trying his best to push everything that has happened lately to the back of his mind with every mile left behind him. 

On the way home as well now, when they entered the familiar surroundings, he kept coming back to the days spent with Leo's family. The peace, overwhelming happiness Kai never experienced in his own house as a child. He couldn't help but compare the welcoming embrace of Leo's mother and the cold stare he got from his parents.

"Kai!" Kai looked up from the bag he looked at for seemed like ages. He noticed furrowed eyebrows and an annoyed expression on his partner's face.

"Huh?" Anxiously ran his fingers through his hair, trying to be as casual as possible.

"I asked you few times if you want to stay over. Did you even listened to me?" Leo walked to him, cupping his face in his palms and planting a quick peck on his lips.

"I'm sorry." He said, placing his forehead on Leo's shoulder.

"It's okay. Are you okay?" Kai nodded, relaxing under Leo's touch as he ran circles through his hair and back of his neck. "Let's take a shower, and after we can order some food, watch Tv and relax. What would you say?" Kai nodded again as Leo chuckled silently, grabbing his arm and directing him to the bathroom.

The next day wasn't any different. Kai often would get lost in his thoughts, stop listening to Leo talking or forgetting to do simple tasks throughout the day like respond to messages or emails. As hard as he tried, he couldn't move on.

The weekend came by, and Leo was more and more frustrated with Kai, who more likely could be a brainless zombie. He could clearly see how depressed his boyfriend became after they came back. Kai would drown in his work to start staring at the wall after few minutes into the drawing for another long minute. Leo was afraid that he would struggle with finishing whatever he was doing on time, and at some point, lose his job and whatever progress he made since they met. 

"Do you want to go to Maya's? We haven't been at her new place yet." Leo asked, cuddling Kai on the sofa while watching a movie.

"I don't really feel like going anywhere." Leo almost didn't hear him talking because of his low voice.

"Don't get me wrong, but maybe you should get some help? Talk to someone experienced about what happened to you. I feel like I'm losing you, and I honestly want you to get better. You mean too much to me." Leo felt Kai tense in his arms, and he started caressing his shoulder, hoping that showing some affection will help him relax instead of becoming defensive and shut him out.

"Okay." Kai left a heavy sigh and continued watching a movie leaving Leo shocked and confused.

"Just like that? You agree?" Leo stopped any movement, freezing in place. He was ready for a long and tiring discussion, maybe fight from Kai's side reassuring him that everything was fine and he can handle that alone. 

"Yeah, I know you are right, and I won't get over it alone." Kai shifted in place, switching position- now laying on his back and looking up at his boyfriend. "The reason I left my apartment and met all of you in the first place was for Noah. I became unsocial, and I was terrified of how far I pushed him away. I wanted him in my life. I could lose anyone at that time, and I wouldn't care, but not my best friend." He paused, but Leo listened carefully and waited for Kai to continue. "I know I'm doing the same thing over again. I have tried to deal with it on my own, but I can't, and if you say that I should get help, that only means that you are right, and I can't do it on my own. I don't want to put you through what I did to him, and I don't want to lose you either."