Backstage (h.s)

34. Pour another one

"cut the attitude esme" he looks me up and down and I lean forward, "where's harry?" I ask him not budging and he lets out a breath, "working out, now leave me alone" he says standing up and walking to the fridge, I look to the other boys and I see Zayn look to the middle of the stairs, I look to them and I see a door behind them, I look back to him and he looks down quickly, I put my sandwich down and I walk towards the door, "oh fucks sake" I hear Niall groan and I know I'm heading the right way

I open the door to see a home gym, I see harry sitting on one of the benches doing bicep curls, he's breathing heavy letting air in and out of his mouth, he sees me and he doesn't say anything, I shut the door behind me and I walk forward, "who told you" is all he manages to say and I sit in front of him, "doesn't matter why are you now avoiding me" I say and he rolls his eyes, "don't flatter yourself esme, I'm not avoiding you I'm just working out" he says and I narrow my eyes, "then what was your little scene in the bedroom?" I ask him and he doesn't answer

"exactly stop being an arrogant son of a bitch" I say and he drops the weights on the sides of him standing up, he walks over to the squatting rack and he puts weights on, "harry talk to me come on" I say softly and he doesn't say anything, "harry" I say his name but he doesn't look at me he focuses on counting the weights to see how much he needs, "Harry I swear to god, talk to me I'm here now wanting you to talk to me!" I snap and he turns his body to me standing over me, he steps forward making me hit the wall and his hand comes up by my head he slams the wall making me flinch I bring my hands to cover my face for protection and his eyes change, he brings his hand down and I stand against the wall paralyzed, he doesn't say anything, he walks back to the rack and puts the weight on, I rub my eyes washing the tears away and I push my body off the wall

I stay silent as I walk to the door and I close it behind me, I feel my back against the wall and I let out a breath, I walk to the couch again and I grab my sandwich, "I'm gonna go take a nap" I say and I see Ember nod Zayn and Liam are giving me pity looks and I see Louis and Niall looking the door waiting for it to open

I turn and I walk up the stairs shutting the door behind me, I eat the rest of my sandwich and I feel hot tears stream down my face, it's you esme your the problem your too needy, stay away from him. stop being a baby and just stay away from him, he doesn't want you, you know this

I hear the voice echo in my head and I tie my hair up, I walk into the bathroom and I wash my face so the red and puffiness goes away, I look up and I see myself in the mirror, I hate what I see, I turn away from the mirror just to face another one and I look down, I see leftover pieces of wood from the ground that I must of missed, I pick on up and I see the sharp edge of it, do it, come on esme punish yourself for being too needy

I hear the voice once more and I cry harder, stop feeling sorry for yourself you deserve this, do it

I turn my wrist over so they are open and I dig the wood in, I feel the pain and somehow it makes everything better not by much but at least it's something for now, I see the blood drip down around my wrist and I stop, I throw the wood in the trash hiding it and I walk to the bed, I lay down and I fall asleep, I'll deal with this shit when I wake up

***

I wake up and I stretch, I turn over and I grab my phone looking at the time, I see it's already 5 how long was I asleep for?, I stand up and I see Harry standing in front of the mirror looking at himself, I take off his shirt throwing it on the floor and I walk past him I see his eyes linger on my body and I walk up the stairs to the closet, I look through my clothes and I pick out a light blue mini dress that ends at my mid thigh and I put it on zipping it up in the back

I walk back down and I notice harry has a black t-shirt and black ripped jeans on going for the simple look tonight I guess, I walk into the bathroom and I do two French braids in my hair pulling out some baby hairs as well, I put on some light make-up and I walk out, I see Harry is sitting on the edge of the bed his elbows are on his knees and he looking out of the room into the city, I walk past him wanting to go by ember but he grabs my wrist to stay