Indian Wedding Tales

R U D R A : part III

So what if she was a bit messy and absent minded. I couldn't be upset over such things.

My ways weren't the only ways of world.

Sighing and reminding myself to have more faith in my wife, I walked back into my bedroom. I tried rolling my shoulder back to release the tension in my muscles and quietly went to my side of the bed.

Hardika seemed to be waiting for me because she called out my name with her fingers intertwined and hands in her lap. I decided not to be a prick and turned to face her.

Hardika shot me a small smile when I met her eyes. She was thankful that I wasn't ignoring her anymore. I swung my legs back on the bed and sat cross legged in front of her.

"I am really sorry for today, Ru-" She began but I interrupted her.

I shook my head, "You don't have-"

Suddenly, there was a palm in front of my mouth which muffled my words. I looked up at her with a raised eyebrow but she shook her head.

"Please, let me finish, Rudra" She pleaded with her eyes. Looking at her with those big eyes and guilt ridden face, I couldn't help but nod.

She retreated her hand and started to fidget with the hem of her T-shirt. I breathed deeply before looking back up.

"I know I can be a very difficult person to live with," She said, "Trust me, I know this."

She let out a dry chuckle and gulped before continuing. "The thing is Rudra, ever since sixteen, I've been on my own. I've stayed in hostels for my higher studies. I never had the time to learn to cook or be responsible in certain ways. The moment my alarm blared in the morning, I had to be up and rushing to be in line for the washroom to get a bath. After thirty minutes, twenty on lucky days, I would return to get dressed and rush to college before I could miss any lectures.

I would sneak in between college lectures to get some snacks. Lunch and dinner weren't exactly a concept because we roommates would go to eat when we had time. Design college's were tough that way."

I gave her a sympathizing look.

"We would generally prefer to sleep rather than clean our rooms when we got free time because that's how our life was. Sleepless. I have never had to answer anyone."

The look Hardika gave me now what a silent call for me to understand where she came from.

"And when we did clean rooms during the Diwali, the chores were always distributed among friends and as you can see, it wasn't much of a big deal. When I returned home after completing my degree, my parents never really forced me to learn anything because they knew that I'd been all by myself for years and to be frank, I was pampered a lot. I was the only girl between my father and his brothers. I am the only sisters between five brothers.

I'm trying, Rudra, I'm trying to learn how to cook good food, be responsible, not to mix weird clothes in the machine"

I chuckled at that.

"To be more hygienic and be more...you"

I titled my head at her confession.

"Be me?"

"Yes. I see the way you are so particular about your things. You could look in the dark and you would know where your things are, you complete things so well, you do each thing as if you've been doing this years and have mastered it"

Hardika looked at me and for the first time I saw what she might be feeling. She yearned for some acceptance from me and I could see how scared she was to confess all her flaws. I leaned forward and took her hands in my own, the ones that were shaking a bit and felt cold.

"Hardika, you don't have to mirror me in anyway. I'm a dumb man to be honest"

If Hardika was brave enough to accept her flaws and say it in front of me, I could be half as brave and share my insecurities.

"Hardika, you know I lost my father at a very young age" She nodded.

"At seven"

"Yes, I lost him when I was seven, my mother made a very bold decision of moving here, to Mumbai. She didn't want anyone's pity or anyone coming after her to tell her to remarry. She took up the job of a history teacher and she raised my all by herself."

My wife looked at me soft admiring eyes and her hands tightened around my fingers.

"I won't lie, my mother has big OCD issues. She somehow felt like she needed control over the smallest things in life because it could change any moment. I grew up with her and I've been taught the same thing. To make sure the cabinets are spotless, to not erase the paper too hard or write too slanted or wear certain clothes without ironing them. I'm a product of her conditioning. I accept it. I couldn't tolerate your messy habits because it's been ages since I've given upon them. I'm the one that needs to change and let go."

I sighed before lowering my head and resting it on our joined heads.

"My very systematic and organized life is just a by-product to not lose control. I'd never had friends you know. No relatives either. Once I began studies for being a chartered accountant, I never had time for anything else, all I know was that I had to be a more influential man if I wanted to help my mother. So apart from this obsession to control small things, I really don't have anything in my life"

Hardika lifted my head and gave me a sharp look.

"Don't ever say that."

"It's the truth"

Hardika deepened her frown but didn't say anything. Instead she pressed a kiss on my forehead.

"We have our entire lives in front of us, don't forget that"

We drifted to sleep soon after that. There was a lightness in my chest which felt soothing. When I woke up the next day to an empty bed, I walked out while rubbing my tired eyes.

"I never knew you liked to be a fashionista too" Hardika had a smirk on her lip while my mother hid her smile behind her hand. They were huddled on the sofa with a photo album in between and exchanging comments as if old friends. My heart escalated at the sight. My mother had finally decided to let go of her judging character and opened up to Hardika.

"Which embarrassing picture did you show her, Maa?" I groaned. Hardika gave me a wide smile and held up a photo like she won it in a lottery. On closer inspection, I saw a younger me in yellow shirt and red corduroy pants.

I couldn't help but laugh along.