Just some old journals

More Journals Year 2010-2018

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I Am Back!!!

September 11, 2010

I know. I know I been gone awhile long story made longer lol I got beat up by my husband he's in jail now for a year. I spent a entire month in shelter with my son as I was there I was talking to one of my best friend. And he was helping me deal with everything now were living together we did fall in love he wants to marry me were happy my kid is happy only real problem is finding a job I've looked forever for a job and I have yet to find one so that's my deal. I ve looked at Craig list till I am blue in the face Craig list Tampa bay anyway and aha feel like screaming I answer all these ads and have yet to get a response back so how is everyone else doing? New email is angeltears7215@yahoo.com

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I should be happy the little things are bothering me though

September 18, 2010

This guy I am with is ok he cooks for me, and all that that's cool but the little things include; sometimes I don't know the exact way to get to certain places and we have to turn around, sometimes I don't know about tools what does what and what tool to use for what part of a car and he gets all frustrated about it he don't tell me ,but I

know he gets frustrated with me dam sorry my bad but don't get all ;aggravated with me! Then sex well that's a big thing with me. And we hardly have it if any. I just don't know and he wants to marry me dam I just don't know. Sad we went for walk a night walk it was nice and all that but then we come back home he my special friend is on moco.com website and my son is watching tv it pisses me off I want us to be closer as a family you know do stuff together but with these fucking. Phones we should just be in two different states like before not to mention still no dam sex feel like a dam nun and my kid is glued to the tv. Fuck this is not like I wanted. Its not stress like fear for my life but its still stress. Right now I am out on our porch enjoying the night and my friend is glued to his phone my son is glued to the tv. I could be seven to ten blocks away and those two wouldn't notice Its sad really I pick the guys perfect one way but on other things their completely wrong for my like for my ex we had all kind of different ways to have sex that was good but in other ways you know like choking me and nearly breaking my arm that was bad. Now with this other guy he treats me well. For the most part but sex is terrible if I get any at all. As for attention I get that but I want heat sinking kisses not little pecks on the lips I want some raw hot steamy passion not Luke warm love any volunteers? Lol. I just wish I could pick someone like my special friend but hot blooded. Passion I need some heat and I love French kisses, roses, and teddy bears ha ha sounds like a personal ad don't it lol just wish I had my cake and eat it to. anyone have both the hot sex and romance and nice guy mentality in them apply hear ASAP. LOL If it's such a small world why can't I find them?

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SOS! I lost the ability to love anyone and everyone ;JADED

October 7, 2010

I love my son and I am expecting a new bundle of joy in March maybe April have to go to doc to know for sure, but I completely lost the ability to love anyone but my son and new edition maybe(shrug)The guy I am with I don't love the friends I have I don't love ,my family I don't love don't think I can love anyone and the thing of it is I don't care. :Has anyone ever felt like this and just don't care no more love don't feel anything anymore?: I should probably be worried about it right? No I just don't care I don't care about no one can anyone explain to me why that is? Its not getting any easier when I feel like escaping you ever hear the expression fight ,or flee? I want to flee I have this overpowering feeling to take off, and disappear. It has nothing to do with wanting some one else its just I don't want anything to do with anyone I don't want nothing, and no one I just don't have the desire to be with anyone ,maybe I am just fed up with the very idea of living a normal life with a person that suppose to care for you when I know in reality they don't care about you at all its all pretend. I guess I have a incurable case of jaded if that is even a word Simply put I am jaded and I don't even think it can be overcome ever again. I think I am happier by myself with my son, and possible a new arrival I don't need ,or want anyone in my life the thought of anyone living with me besides my son makes me want to hurl ,or maybe that's the morning sickness lol. I guess I am in trouble because I don't have the will, or desire to be around anyone to me when ever I meet anyone I just don't believe anyone their all playing pretend with me who could honestly love me anyone I am just so through with pretenders oh yea my outlook on life now is severely jaded. Now What Do I Do with that bit of news?? Sad shrug weird that I just don't care no more.