The Atrocious Tales of LOONA

Chuu - Tranquil 10/12

CHUU - TRANQUIL 10/12

"I wanted to live in accord with the promptings which came from my true self. Why was that so very difficult?"

As I watch the darkness folds in my eyes. Coldness hugs my body, lying like a mannequin. Let me tell a story.

The story about me.

I am born Kim Jiwoo. I prefer Chuu as my nickname and almost my stage name.  All my life, I was born with a passion as a singer, it took me time to get my parent's approval for the career I wanted. I first studied in MIA and became a singer in the Moon Stadium. Seeing that I am prepared, soon became a trainee, I am very friendly and that's the reason I made friends with Haseul.

Haseul is very friendly if you ask me. The time I saw her with that weird guy in the morgue, I ignored it. But I regretted not noticing something's wrong. I left her as I saw how scary it is, I just to find something leads me to peace. That's where I met Kim Lip. I was left curious and intrigued how she wished on a corpse too, she's a great K-pop rookie, I didn't do anything to save her. But for my safety and aiming for a peaceful life, I left my dreams and decides to be a nun.

I undergo conversion, like a Catholic baby, I started where they started. Until I'm okay to train on the church. The pastor thinks of a way to help Yves to grasp herself, so he sent me for her. But for him, he doesn't like it and greatly regrets his decisions.

He introduces Yves to me as his niece who needs a companion.

 Thrown in front of the altar, he scolds, "I've trusted you, Jiwoo, I thought you can make my niece happy again, but look what you did! You killed her!"

"I don't get it, I didn't kill her!"

"Liar, your mind was poisoned by the young minds who astray farther from our Lord. My niece was always misunderstood in her relationships, it disgusts me to see her with other women, I didn't waste my two decades teaching her how wrong is that." The pastor, giving me a rosary and a small book containing prayers.

"Jiwoo, repent from your sins,  I don't want anyone talking about Yves and her sins like yours. Finish all those prayers in your book and you can freely go with the other nuns. And, don't talk about Yves again, she's not your priority anymore." He told me as he closes the door, I am scared and nervous. Taking the things he gave me, I suddenly question myself.

Do nuns who were different from anyone go through this? Or it was only me? Did the pastor treat sexual orientation as a disease with just one prayer and be gone? 

In 2-3 months of taking care of his niece, Yves, I grew fondly with her. Yes, I do love her, and I missed her so much. I've received many confessions back then, but none of them made me move, except for Yves' confession to me. For the first time, I felt someone's sincerity for love, that's when I thought to pursue the love knowing I am a nun.

Maybe he was right, maybe I was just confused and in need to get closer with the Lord. Kneeling in front of the altars and decided to pray. But the pastor was back and gives me a pen. "You have to mark each page every time you pray and finish, give it to me in the office after." He closes the door again and sighs, I continued to pray.

It took me almost an hour, sighs that I finished marking each page of the prayer book. My throat feels so dry, my saliva can't make it wet anymore. Listing on my head to head to the kitchen before going to the pastor. Heading to get a cup and pour some water, I suddenly felt heaviness in my back. Maybe because I was there for too long.

Rubbing my back, getting my feet back to the pastor. "Sir?"

"Come in.."

I enter the office, but I see a nun on the pastor's top, rubbing their faces at each other, kissing as if I'm nonexistent in the room. The pastor points his finger to the desk, telling me to put it there and leave. I am uncomfortable with what they're doing, but I just put the prayer book and the rosary. I immediately left as I saw the pastor stop and touch the nun.