[MAINLY SMUT] mcyt oneshots

savior complex - sapnap

sapnap x female rader (angst???? idk i got mental problems this shit was sad as fuck)

don't forget to listen to savior complex by phoebe bridgers while you read this!!! i started writing this in may 2021 on the night of a full moon and i just finished it now :)

also possible TW?? not rlly sure, but its just very depressing i guess.  i got issues.  i also didn't proofread this so goodluck!
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y/n moved her chair to the side of her desk next to her windowsill.

her bedroom was completely dark, apart from the moon that shined through her window and illuminated the bedroom.

she sat down on the stiff desk chair criss-crossed, gazing off deeply into the moon, admiring its beauty. the night was so peaceful.

it was the fifth night in a row y/n found herself awake at an unreasonable hour. as a kid, she loved staying up late during sleepovers with her best friend- jumping around and playing games.

now she was up late because she could barely sleep through the night.  she was lucky if she could get half an hour of sleep in before a nightmare would jolt her up from her slumber.

the nightmares she had weren't like the ones she had when she was little- they didn't have scary monsters that would haunt her to the point where her mother had to sleep with her for almost a month, worried the monster would come back.  and when it would, she would have her to cling onto when she'd wake up crying.

she'd give anything for that "scary" monster she used to encounter- it being nothing comapred to what she'd face now.

it was the same dream everynight.  one where she was underwater.  she could see the surface, but she was just deep enough and just out of reach from it. something sat below her- it was something she could never see, it had a tight grasp on her ankle to the point where the pain was unbearable.

above the water, she could see her best friend.  he stood on a dock, and the surface tension of the water distorted his face- but he was always yelling to her.  trying to get her out of the water.  he would reach for her, but everytime he'd get close to grabbing her hand, the figure below would pull her deeper and deeper.

he always took one last reach, grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the water.  y/n woke up everynight gasping for air, tears streaming down her face.

unlike her childhood, her mother wasn't next to her anymore.  she wasn't there for y/n to cling onto as she would fall back asleep. 

instead, y/n would give up on trying to get a good night's sleep- and she'd just wait for the sun to come up and her friends to wake up.

the dreams were just the tip of the iceberg, though. y/n had been feeling so run-down from everything in life and overwhelmed by it all.

y/n didn't even bother to try and fall asleep tonight.  she knew how it would go, and she couldn't go through another night of choking back sobs to not wake up her roomates. it was mentally draining, going through the same thing everynight. it was like a sick amd twisted groundhogs day.

y/n sat at the window and imagined what it'd be like to to just fade out of existence and join mother nature. be the wind, the leaves, the sky.

she looked at all the stars and imagined they were once people like her. people who wanted to fade away aswell.

and they finally got to.