I felt bad when I eventually looked at my phone a few days after I got home, I'd turned it off and ignored it once I'd boarded the plane. When I did look at it there were hundreds of messages and missed calls from Tammy and Rose, oops!
I sent them both a quick message saying I was fine and not in the mood to talk, I just wanted to be alone. I sat about for a few more days before I pulled myself together and made a return to the gym. Working out made me feel better and there were a few cute girls at my gym that would be a nice distraction. I threw myself into some freelance work and tried to stay busy and tried to forget Lou.
It wasn't until a few months later I noticed the story in the news about a west coast bank being completely emptied over night. I rolled my eyes and turned the tv off, of course they'd still done the job, 'the job always comes first' as my mum would say. My terrible mood returned, I thought I'd managed to get the thoughts of Lou out of my head but I was wrong. I turned to a bottle of wine to numb my feelings, I know its not the most healthy of coping mechanisms but in that moment it was all I could think of.
I woke up to someone hammering on my front door, I groaned looking at my watch 8am and I had a hangover from hell.
"I'm coming! Keep your hair on" I shouted dragging myself to the door.
My best friend Emmy was stood there looking unimpressed, I'll admit I didn't look my finest. "Oh its worse than I thought! Mitch said he'd seen you in the gym on a war path last week" Mitch was her boyfriend, he was actually quite sweet for a meat head. I rolled my eyes and walked back to my couch knowing she'd follow without the need for an invite.
"Who pissed in your cornflakes?" She asked surveying the room which looked like a bomb had gone off. I hadn't talked about Lou to anyone and before I knew it I was in Emmy's arms crying about what happened.
I sniffled, "Emmy I really liked her...like really liked her" she took a deep breath. I knew there were some hard truths coming.
"She made her decision babe! Onwards and upwards we go! We'll find you a new cougar in no time" I clenched my jaw, this was always her solution to get over someone get under someone else.
"I don't want anyone else Ems, I want her... but she doesn't care, she hasn't even tried to message me" I wiped my eyes and stood up, "coffee?" I remembered how to be a host.
"Sure" she spoke as I walked into the kitchen to find painkillers and coffee, "well you did flee the country in the dead of night maybe she thinks you don't want to hear from her?" she was trying to be hopeful but there was no way I was reaching out first.
I continued making coffee in silence, "Well, you still can't wallow in self pity forever. Why don't we go out for drinks?"
I shook my head handing her back coffee, "I just don't feel that social right now"
She shook her head and launched into a rant about life I'd been expecting, it wasn't until she hit me with my full name that I put my hands up in defeat. "Fine, one drink. Somewhere quiet" I gave in, she was probably right. A distraction would be good.
She beamed at me, "right answer! Ooo we should go to the Circle, I hear they got a new owner...we should go see if it's still good, maybe that cute barmaid is still there" she said with a mischievous grin. The Circle was my favourite bar in the entire world, it was really expensive but it's where me and Em spent most of our drunken nights. We had been pretty close with the old owner, he used to let us stay back after closing time and told us stories of times before we were born.
"What happened to Drew?" I was worried the bar wouldn't be the same without him, he was part of the place.
"He was about 5000 he was due to retire" she shrugged, "apparently the new owner kept the same management and isn't looking to change much, part of Drew's deal to sell I'd bet. He'll probably haunt the place when he dies"
I punched her arm, she could be so morbid and blunt sometimes. She didn't stay much longer after that, long enough to lecture me about the weight I'd lost and the mess that my home was in. After she left I looked in the mirror, she was right, I couldn't let this Lou thing hang over me much longer. I took a long shower and washed my hair, clean hair was definitely key to feeling human, then I began the mammoth task of cleaning my house and eating some real food.
Friday night came around fast, Emmy came to my house to get ready and I actually started to cheer up. It was kind of annoying that she was so right about everything. I hugged her when we got to The Circle, "What was that for?" she asked looking puzzled.
"Nothing, just thanks for not taking no as an answer, I need this" I replied as we walked through the door. It was just as I remembered, the room was a circle split up with other circles, each booth was private. Rumour has it this was where politicians and celebrities brought their sordid affairs. Privacy was paramount as Drew often said, first times had to sign waivers saying they would take photos or tell anyone what they'd seen. The lighting was dark which I think helped people feel like they were invisible. Me and Em tucked away in a table near the bar and ordered our usual cocktails.
"Look she's there" Emmy said under her breath, for a second I thought she meant Lou but it was just the barmaid I used to flirt with badly. I rolled my eyes
"Em I told you I'm not looking for anyone tonight!" A few hours later I was feeling so much better, I'd caught up on my best friends life and we'd talked about everything and nothing.
"I heard you two ladies were in drinking the bar dry" came a familiar voice, it was Drew, he always looked so smart, tonight was no different, his suit was tailored to perfection and his full head of hair was pristine, for someone that was nearly 5000 as Emmy said he looked good. I suspected a hair transplant or something, maybe a wig, I was zoning in and out of their conversation and decided to go grab another drink.
"Hey trouble" came a smooth voice from behind me, my heart exploded, "hoped you'd come here eventually" her voice was like velvet. I turned round slowly, trying to decide how I was going to react. I wanted to be mad and shout and cry but I was so happy to hear her voice again.
I took her in, her blonde hair was messed up and she was wearing a ripped band shirt under a leather jacket, her jeans were skin tight, I bit my lip taking in every inch if her stupid sexy body. She took my chin in her ringed hand and tilted my face up to look at her properly. My breath caught in my throat, I wanted to kiss her, no, this wasn't happening I shook my head free and turned to walk back to Emmy and Drew.
"We need to leave now!" I hissed at Emmy who looked puzzled. I was pulling my jacket on trying to get out of there as fast as we can.
"Ladies before you leave you need to meet the new owner" my heart sank, I knew what he was about to say, "This is Lou!" he announced excitedly. I groaned and tried to force a smile for his sake.
"Drew I think we should go see about some more drinks for us!" Emmy grabbed his elbow and steered him away, great she was leaving me to deal with this myself, I heard her whispering something in his ear as they walked away from us.
"Can we talk?" Lou sat next to me.
"Looks like I don't have a choice" I grumbled. I couldn't believe she'd bought the bar, I'd only mentioned it a couple of times in passing when I'd been telling her I'd show her all the best spots in London.
"I wasn't going to buy this place, but I met the old man and he was worried about someone changing it if he retired and I knew you liked it here so I wanted to save it for you...I've been a few times since you left-"
"What? weren't you too busy helping my mum?" I shot back
"Well yeah but I wanted to talk to you and I thought maybe somewhere neutral would be good so I came here" she explained, "I didn't want to show up at your house uninvited"
"You're telling me you flew over from America a bunch of times just incase you ran into me?" it was hard to be annoyed at that kind of effort.
She shrugged not meeting my eyes, "I miss you..." she whispered playing with one of the rings on her fingers I'd never seen her look so insecure. My stomach was in knots I wanted to play hard to get but I also craved her touch. I sighed, life was too short for staying mad at anyone, I lent towards her and kissed her cheek. Her eyes looked up from her hands, they were soft and sad, I half smiled and moved forward for proper kiss.
She cupped my face in her hands and kissed me softly, I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I'd missed her lips, she brushed the tear away with her thumb.
"Take me home baby" she said quietly just for me to hear.
