fight the moon for you; remus lupin

{007} • 𝖿𝖾𝖾𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌, 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒'𝗋𝖾 𝗌𝗍𝗎𝗉𝗂𝖽

"Y/n?" Thana's concerned voice wasn't that easy to hear through the door, but it was there. "Remus wanted to go after you, but you know... the stairs." I sighed. "I'm not letting you in if that's what you are here for." She sighed. "Somehow I think you could mean two different things with that. Alohamora." The door unlocked and Thana stepped in. "What do you mean by that?"

"Wel first of all, you wouldn't have let me in the bathroom. And second... you never let people in, you know... in your thoughts. Not even me, James or Remus. If you will keep pushing you feelings and thoughts down... what I'm trying to say is thay sooner or later it will break you." She put her head on my shoulder and pushed her body closer to me.

"I just... nevermind."

"This is what I mean Y/n. You push everyone away." I looked away from her. "I'm just not used to people caring about what I think okay! I don't talk about feelings. They're stupid." I snapped at my friend. She seemed suprised by my sudded outburst.

I ran out of the bathroom and went downstairs. I rushed through the common room trying to ignore Remus and James shouting my name. "I tried." I heard Thana say to them.

I ran outside not caring about the weather. The rain soaked my clothes and I let myself breath for a second.

I don't even know why I snapped like that. I guess that was a trait I got from my mom. I love them, but they never thought about me before taking decisions. Like, moving back here? When did they ask me about it?

My old friends in France don't respond to my letters anymore and here they all want me to open up. I wasn't used to that. I am a private person, I don't tell people how I feel.

-

Once I came back inside the common room everyone was gone. The Great Hall would be filled with students right now. I fell down on the couch and turned my head towards the fire. I pointed my wand at the dying fire. "Incendio." I casted. The fire got hotter and I closed my eyes listening to the sound of the burning wood.

My feet were lifted up and someone took place on the couch. I didn't bother to look who had decided to keep me company. After a bit of moving the person grabbed my legs and put them on their lap. "Missed you at dinner." Remus' concerned voice spoke. "Wasn't hungry."

"Does that mean you're hungry now?"

"Maybe." I answerd. He grabbed my ankles and lifted my leg off his. He stood up and grabbed my hands. "Come with me." I sighed and let him lift me from the couch. He dragged me through the corridors and we got closer to the Hufflepuf common room. "I'll ask the elves for some food. Anything in particuler you'd like?" Remus asked me when we got to the kitchen.

"No, not really." He dissapeard into the kitchen and I stood against the wall waiting for him to return. "Well hello there."

"Piss off, whoever you are." I looked up to the Slytherin that had a smirk on his face. "You are no fun, Taylor. But I like a stubborn girl." He reached for my hand hand kissed it. I rolled my eyes at him and took my hand away from him. "Not happening. Bye now."

"Whatever Taylor. I'll see you around." He left and Remus got out of the kitchen. He noticed my annoyed look that had taken place on my face. "What happend to you? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, some dickhead from Slytherin flirted with me. Well.. he tried to." Remus laughed and handed me some food he was holding. We took it to a quiet corridor and sat down against the cold brick wall. "I already ate but chocolate never hurts."

"That is completely true." I said to him. He took another piece. "Y/n, Thana is right. You know that right?"

"Yes, of course I do. But I don't open up to people, I can't."

"Can you, maybe... tell my why you can't?" He asked carefully. "You can ask me questions Remus. I don't bite." I joked, trying to change my mood. It didn't work though. "I just- My parents love me, and I love them. But they always make decisions without asking how I feel about it. It's just what I got used to. I never said what I thought and that resulted into me keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself. It's not that I don't trust you guys... but."

"We know that Y/n. But you do realise you just opened up, right?"

"Yeah I guess I did." A hand was put on my shoulder and I looked at Remus. "What if we tell eachother random things untill we can't come up with anything."

"Uhm, okay. I'll start. My friends from France don't respond to my letters anymore."

"Ohw, well it's their loss. I had a crush on Sirius for a week when we were thirdteen and never told him." Remus got red.

"I had a girlfriend for almost a year, and have never had a boyfriend." He eased knowing I was okay with him being into boys and girls.

Random facts and memories were shared untill Remus stopped. "I have been wanting to tell you something for a while now, but I don't know how." He suddenly said. "You can tell me anything Remus. I won't judge. You can trust me."

"I do trust you. That's why I'm telling you this. I don't know where to start..."

"Take your time Rem." Did I just call him Rem? "There is a story behind me and chocolate. You see, as a little kid... I was bitten by a werewolf and I got turned into one. It completely ruined my life. My parents and friends are there for me, but as a little kid it was really hard and I-" He was cut of by my sudded hug. I had no words for the boy right now. I just hugged him and held him close. "I'm so sorry that happend Remus."

He pulled back and looked into my eyes. "When I was almost eleven I got a muggle book about animals from my mom. I read it and saw a page avoit dogs and I found out chocolate is like poison to a dog. And-"

"Remus... please tell me you didn't." I whisperd with a tear on my cheek. "I started eating more and more chocolate, hoping it would kill the wolf side of me. Obviously it didn't work, and I have grown to like the candy more and more. So, yeah. That's my childhood secret. I completelyunderstandif you need time to figure out how you feel about me now... but."

I just stared at him in disbelieve. "Does it hurt?"

"What?"

"Oh sorry, that was rude. I just can't imagine the pain you go through every month."

"It hurts yes, a lot actually. But James, Sirius and Peter are there for me. And I hope you will be too."

"Remus, of course I'm here for you. And I don't need time, I care about yo- Oh Merlin... that's why you didn't want me by your bed in the hospital wing at first, right? That night Thana and Silas wanted to go stargazing with me, and look at the moon. It was a full moon..."

"Y/n, calm down. But yes, that's true. I didn't want you to suspect anything pr see me in that state. I wouldn't be able to explain what happend. But now that you know it feels like a huge weight has fallen of my shoulders."

(Word count: 1324)

Authors note -->

Sooo, she knows.

Oh and just so you know, the next chapter is already published.