The light in her dark

22. Overthinking

TW mention of abuse and rape

-It's been a week with Harry and Ron, this is the last two days with them-

It's been a week since the breakup between Bellatrix and I, and for some reason, I still haven't come to terms with that. Whenever I try to replay the events in my mind, I keep going back to the hope that it was only a dream, but I know that isn't true deep inside, I just don't want to come to terms with the fact that the woman who had such an impact on me, the woman who made me feel at home, is now emotionally gone from my life. I know Bella, she detaches from feelings, and I had somehow made her trust me, and I'm sure I broke that trust, placing us back at phase one, trying not to get tortured whenever she has the slightest mood change.

The stupid locket hasn't helped either. Every time the stupid thing opens, Bella pops up, saying different things each time. Ron and Harry haven't had any success with it either, because apparently even if you get past the emotional pain, you feel physical pain. I haven't gotten to that stage yet because just seeing Bellatrix's face brings me pain that I can't get past. I miss her so much, it's insane, and it's only been a week. I'll be done with this 'mission' in two days, and I'm not sure whether to be happy, or terrified. On one hand, I'll leave these two idiots and not have to deal with all their rants and stupidity, but on the other, once I get back, I'll continue staying with Bellatrix, and now that we've broken up, well I'm just going to guess it's not going to be the most fun thing.

"Mione?" Harry calls from outside, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Hm?"

"Could you come here for a second?"
"Yeah, sure..." I get up and stretch for a few seconds before walking out and up to Ron and Harry. Yeah, that's another thing. The two of them don't talk to me often anymore and they stick together, leaving me to stay in the tent, alone, most of the time, unless they have some sort of plan to discuss, or if they need my opinion on something. "What do you need?"

"So, we've kind of been hiding something from you."
I raise an eyebrow. "Oh? And what's that?"

"Well...Remember when we left you with Bellatrix?"
"How could I forget?"
"Yeah well we got a piece of her hair."
"...And why is that important?"
"Remember polyjuice in second year?"
"Oh no. What did you do?"
"Well, I had to disguise myself as Bellatrix while Ron was another death eater."
I stand there for a few moments before letting out a laugh, the first laugh in quite a while. "YOU? AS BELLATRIX?" I shriek, continuing to laugh. "Oh god. I wish I had seen that." 

"Yeah..." He waits until I finish laughing before continuing. "Anyways, we got another Horcrux that was in her vault, Hufflepuff's cup. We had to escape in...an odd way, and we ended up swimming to the shore. While we were doing that, I had a vision, you know, the ones Voldemort keeps accidentally putting in my mind?"
"Right."
"The second to last horcrux is in Hogwarts, and he doesn't know that I know that. I also got another vision a few hours ago and he seems mad, I think he knows we're hunting for horcruxes."
"How mad is he, exactly?"
"I'm not sure but I had another vision this morning and Bellatrix looked terrified."
My eyes widen in a millisecond. "W-what?"
"It was a quick vision so it's probably nothing, but I think she was with him while he was angered."
"Oh." Is all I say, although my head is swarming with so many thoughts that it's overwhelming. What if he hurt her? What if now she's both emotionally and physically hurt? Oh god why is this life so confusing, sometimes I wish none of this ever happened, that I hadn't gotten my Hogwarts letter at all.

"Are you ok, Mione?" Ron asks.
"Huh? Oh yeah."
"Every time we mention Bellatrix, you space out." Harry says.

"I mean yeah, I had to stay with her for the past...I don't even know how long I've been staying with her."
They nod and eye me suspiciously before Harry continues to talk.