Death is Warm; Han Jisung Centric

When It Started, Death Ended

A/N: YoYoYoYoYo!!! I'm really sorry for leaving you guys for so long!!! I recently got sick, and yeah I got covid again so POGGERS!! I always say I'll start updating more, but I never do! So I really do apologize!!! (keep in mind I didn't do very much editing!!)

N E W A Y S TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS AND WHAT YOU THINKKK

          Jisung went through the memo. He didn't really know when he started pushing a metaphorical snowball. All he knew is that it kept getting bigger and bigger to where he couldn't handle it. So what? He was fine. He was so fine, until he suddenly wasn't. The words he defined as 'Fine' were something completely different from when he started. It still meant the same, but the once singular word started becoming a feeling so big he couldn't understand it. He used to think fine was okay. That it meant another word for being so-so. For being good. Not so bad. Fine started corrupting, though. He started using it as a cover. Something he could hide under. Instead of him cowering beneath it, it started consuming him. He started becoming it. Nothing was wrong with him. How could anything be wrong when he was Fine? He didn't see anything particularly bad with it, but of course, he didn't tell his precious members his thoughts. How could he? They were always so busy, and he would never find the guts to disrupt the small moments they had every once in a while to themselves. He wasn't the whole world to anyone. Why would he be? He was just Jisung, the selfish person who couldn't get out of his head long enough to actually help his group. He was just Jisung, the kid who had anxiety so bad he had to go into lockdown and make his fans wait for him to return. Wishing for him to be okay again. Jisung got so tired and disappointed in himself, that he stopped caring. He found himself not worrying about anything anymore. What happened, happened and what didn't, didn't.

          He relayed this to JYP, talking while simultaneously shrinking into himself. JYP was pretty stoic through it all, but he got up from his desk when Jisung finished.

         "Come," He said kindly. Jisung followed him to the sofa in the office, and sat next to JYP when he got permission. "Tell me more, Sung." Jinyoung sat comfortably, so Jisung slowly relaxed.

          "I-I started not really caring. Everything I did was forced, since I really didn't want to do anything at all. All I wanted to do was cry, but I didn't want to alert anyone. I didn't want to bother anyone, and I didn't want to cause even more problems." Jinyoung gave a look, but Jisung continued.

          "I just wanted to disappear to get rid of my problems." Jisung started getting a bit emotional. He pushed on anyway.

          "Manager Nim replaced Ms. Taehee because she was moved to another department. He doesn't like me. He would make me stay extra after practice everyday, even when Minho or Hyunjin told me I did well. I thought at first that he was doing for my own good, but then the members would get worried because I looked tired?" He thought, but then continued.

          "Or something, but they were mad at me because I was practicing too much. I told Manager Nim this, and I-I don't know why he was so mad but," His voice started to shake, tears running wildly down his face.

          "He slapped me! He said he didn't mean to, but it hurt and it hurt, and I had a mark that wouldn't go away. I went home after, I didn't practice like he told me to, he was mad. But then the members were mad because I was late again, and I got even more sad because I-I love them, Hyung, I love them alot! I don't want to hurt them, but that's all I've been doing and I don't know what to do anymore! I just wanted to be normal, for them at least! I make them worry, a-and it's for nothing anyways! I'll just keep being stupid and getting hurt and waste their time with hurting!" He was shaking, hyperventilating. Thoughts were shooting at him, dropping like irreversible bombs that shook him to his core. JYP couldn't get any words out because Jisung just couldn't stop.