State of Seduction. // Dean Winchester COMPLETE

40.

Desire is one of humans most uncontrolled emotions. It is filled with lust and sexual charges, enough for another to drive themselves crazy. Man desires many a things; other beings, objects, affection, anything, but currently there was one thing that I desired more than anything I had ever desired before, and that was my itching to kill. It wasn't as bad as it sounded, I didn't want to kill humans, only monsters and as I stood behind the bar in The Pentagon, tending to drinks and spills, I could feel myself physically shaking as I tried not to reach out and kill something. I felt addicted, like a meth head is addicted to drugs, that was how I felt after being back in the game after one hunt. I questioned my motives for stopping in the first place.

I felt like my personality had done a full 360 in the last week, and I knew others had noticed too. I was antsy, touchy, wanting to kill. I didn't want to kill my friends, like Olivia and Brax who were "monsters", but I did feel my temper shortening around them. Anger was another part of my seeming addiction, I was always angry. Angry and horny seemed to be my two switches, and usually when Dean was around, I was both. I couldn't even count the endless times we had had sex which had resulted because of some stupid fight I had caused. Nobody seemed to really care, though. And I didn't know whether that was a good thing or I should try to get someone to notice.

There had been a bar fight between a vampire and a skinwalker over turf among the bar earlier, and I had immediately stepped in, all too happy to throw the both of them out with zero gentleness. Nobody was able to push me around any more, I wasn't frail, I wasn't scared and I wasn't trying to please the monsters in front of me. Imagining killing them -- cutting off their head or stabbing them or whatever else -- got me through the days, especially the quiet moments while I tended bar. I dreamed about blood pooling around their empty bodies, feeling the power flow through me as I stared down at them, the blood over my hands as well. It scared me, the fact that I was thinking this, but it also empowered me.

"Can I still get a drink?" I was pulled from my thoughts and back into the real world, realizing that I had cleaned the bar several times and everything seemed spotless and ready to stop serving even though it was a bit past 11:30. It was Trent. He was wearing a black hoodie and a red hand print sporting across one side of his face. A laugh bubbled up my throat and out of my mouth and Trent grit his teeth, glaring at me before he went to stand up and walk out.

"Wait," I said and he sat back down, "What do you want?" He told me he wanted a double shot of vodka and I poured him one, wondering what sort of strife he could be in to make him want a double shot, and that paired with the hoodie and red hand print that still looked fresh, I didn't know whether to laugh or be worried about him. As Trent sucked down the shot and asked for another, I started to notice the same ageing changes in Trent as I had in Mason and I wondered why they seemed so different. Maybe it was my fault, everything I had put them through lately was bound to take its toll on the people who loved me sooner or later.

"Why are you even here?" I asked him after he'd downed the second double shot and shook his head back and forth to get the gross, burning feeling to go away. Trent looked at me then, staging his face in a blank expression even though I could tell he wanted to tell me something or other. He stayed staring at me like that, as if I was just supposed to know what he was trying to tell me with his twitching eyes. But surprise, surprise, I wasn't a mind reader. And soon enough, Trent sighed an angry sigh and signalled for another drink, which I gave him, but only a single. Trent had a high tolerance for alcohol but being so drunk he didn't know which way was up didn't seem like a good idea to end the night, especially while he sported that hand print.

"I'm seeing your friend Bianca and I met her outside on her break and she seemed angry or whatever and I guess I said something. So she slapped me and now I think we just broke up." It was this time I really didn't know what to do, whether to laugh or cry. But in the end I burst out laughing while pushing tears away from the corners of my eyes. I can't believe that Bianca had fallen for an idiotic player like Trent, I was actually shocked. Trent rolled his eyes at me, like he didn't care what I thought but knew I was right.

Instead of saying something that would comfort Trent, or give Bianca a hand, I completely ignored both of their feelings when I spoke "She's on her period," I was completely disregarding Bianca's ability to get angry and call Trent out on being a dick as I spoke but I was too tired while at the same time, too wired to say anything helpful. I felt sick at myself for pushing down feminism and women's rights by just saying she was on her period, but she was, Ava had her waitressing instead of escorting tonight because of it.

"That doesn't really make me feel any better for being a dick," Trent sighed and I stopped in my cleaning-the-bench action. He actually cared. Trent Archer cared deeply for someone other than himself, I was permanently shocked, and I didn't think things could shock me anymore.

"Look at us," I replied, "The both of us finding someone," I didn't know what else to say. Trent was about to reply when he was interrupted by a deep, grizzly voice that sent shivers up my spine and clawed at my stomach.

"About that..." It was Jacob Kane.




yeah so because i totally fucked up with this story and left it for so long, i'm going to give you all closure and finish it very soon. i had a lot more planned but i just physically and emotionally canNOT do it. so probably in the next two/three chapters this story will be over. but fear not, i will try not to rush it. but at least you have something to look forward too. love you all xxx