smoke | namgi

forty-three

"seokjin hyung, i have work tomorrow" yoongi said, seokjin raised a brow, "what? you're on paid leave, are you sure you'll be able to?" seokjin asked, feeling worried for the boy. he was scared the boy would get overwhelmed.

"i'm sure, do i get my car back?" yoongi asked, he hadn't been allowed to drive ever since he attempted. when he wanted cigarettes, he had to walk to the gas station at night when seokjin was asleep and minji was too because seokjin wouldn't buy him cigarettes. not in a million years.

"i don't know yoon, how do i know you're going to be safe?" seokjin asked, "trust me" yoongi said, he really didn't want to bother seokjin by making him drop of minji and him.

"fine but you have to share your live location on your phone" seokjin said, yoongi nodded with a smile, "thank you hyung"

"how's therapy going?" seokjin asked as he cleaned around his room, "it's going fine i guess. my therapist said that i can't quit smoking because i can't change my mindset" he shrugged, he wanted to quit but he couldn't. he physically started shaking when he tried.

"i know you can do this, you've been through so much, i'm sure you can do this. you want to quit, right?" seokjin asked, yoongi nodded, he really did want to.

"well, you have many more reasons to quit than to keep smoking. what are good things you're gaining from smoking? nothing besides sickness. i know you use it as a way to help yourself mentally but it's not helping you" seokjin said, yoongi nodded, the boy had a point.

"i really want to quit but i can't" yoongi said, seokjin hummed and sighed, "well the first step would be to change that sentence. you can quit, it might take some time but you will" seokjin said, "i really want to quit for minji and before all this gets worse"

seokjin listened carefully to the boy, he had educated himself on addiction to try to help the boy, "those are good reasons, what do you need to do to get there?" seokjin asked, yoongi closed his eyes for a bit as he thought about it, "i'm not sure but i'll think about it"

seokjin nodded, "good, now, i think minji has homework if you want to go help her with it" he chuckled, yoongi smiled and nodded.

—

yoongi noticed a letter in minji's backpack, he opened it and saw that a lollipop was glued to it. he untaped the lollipop and read the letter.

—

hi yoon, this is namjoon, minji's teacher.

i really hope you're doing well, i know you have my number but i wanted to write this because i wanted to attach the lollipop.

i'm not an expert in addiction but i did grow up with addicts, so i have a lot of experience with them. pretty much my whole childhood was growing up with addicts, my mom was an alcoholic and my dad smoked cigarettes. they never tried to quit and it made me feel a lot of things. i guess you can say they were abusive? maybe, i'm not sure. the more i think about it, yes. but you seem like a great father, my parents were horrible people.

enough talking about my childhood, i saw online that sucking on lollipops can reduce the craving. maybe try it out if you want to?

love,

knj

—

yoongi stared at the letter, his mind was blank.

did he really want to give minji that type of childhood because of his addiction? of course it wasn't guaranteed that he would give his daughter that because of his addiction but the thought was still scary.

he began craving a cigarette because of the stress but he took the lollipop and shoved it in his mouth, tapping his leg on the ground.

"no yoongi" he mumbled to himself, running his hands through his hair, the craving was killing him, "minji, can you start doing your homework? this one is asking you to write all the numbers you know" he said, minji nodded, grabbing her penci and she began writing.

yoongi ended up throwing away the lollipop and grabbing a cigarette, tears running down his cheeks as he inhaled the chemicals.

he crushed it into the ground and sighed, "weak, i'm so pathetic" he cried into his knees, he probably looked like an idiot crying outside.

all of this because some guy offered him a cigarette at a park when he was with minji. he should have never even thought about it. he regretted it all.

—

"where's your appa?" seokjin asked as he saw the small girl building a tower of blocks next to her homework, "he went outside" she said, seokjin hummed, "stay here, i'll be back"

he walked outside and saw the boy laying on the grass, "yoongi?" he asked but got no response, he walked towards the boy and saw he was asleep.

"people are going to think you're crazy sleeping on the grass" seokjin sighed, pulling the boy up from the ground and carrying him inside, placing him on the couch.

minji wasn't paying attention to her surroundings. she was in her own little world, playing with blocks at the kitchen table.

"homework time, minji" seokjin said, minji didn't like homework time. she was smart but she got easily frustrated with it, quickly losing the attention span.

—

"no!" she screamed, waking up yoongi on the couch. seokjin was simply trying to help the girl but she only startes screaming and throwing things.

"minji-ah, come here" yoongi mumbled, seokjin looked at the girl whi angrily walked towards her father, "what's wrong? what has you frustrated?" he asked, minji furrowed her brows, she couldn't explain.

she became more frustrated and started screaming again, rolling around the ground, yoongi rubbed his eyes and stood up, moving to sit closer to the girl.

seokjin knew he couldn't say what made the girl frustrated because yoongi would look at him with a death stare, yoongi always wanted the girl to communicate what she felt.

"jinnie fault!" she shouted, yoongi stared at the boy and raised a brow, "i didn't do anything!" he scoffed, crossing his arms, "h-he, d-don't know!" she cried, "i was explaining what she had to do" seokjin clarified, yoongi sighed.

"minji, jinnie was trying to help. he didn't want to do anything bad, okay? take some deep breaths" he said, running his hands through the girl hair, blowing air onto her to cool her down a bit.

"you're the best father to exist yoongi" seokjin said, yoongi smiled. it felt nice to have that title.

—

stay safe and healthy! drink water and eat some food! sorry for any mistakes, i love you all! idk how to end this chapter. by the way, despite what is said in the book, i do not look down on addicts. i know addiction is hard. qotd: lollipops or taffy?