the directions we take

5

About two days later, Meredith was back to her old obstinate self, demanding that she was ready to go home. She still refused to get any scans done, and she didn't want chemo. She'd been refusing those things for months, and that wasn't going to stop now. She didn't want to know if it'd gotten worse, or how her options for treatment were further limited due to the progression. She'd deal with the pain and the nausea and the loss of movement she hadn't told anyone about yet, and that they were yet to notice.

For now, all that her friends and doctors knew were the symptoms she told them about. She tried her best to cover up the rest and hoped they didn't notice, which seemingly proved to be an effective method in her mind at the time.

Meanwhile, as Meredith lay impatiently in the hospital bed, her friends were outside her room looking in, extremely worried about their friend.

"We need to do it." Izzie said.

"She'll hate us, we can't." Alex replied.

"Well, what are we supposed to do? Sit here and help her through the days and wait until she drops dead?" Izzie snapped.

"He's is right, Iz. She'll hate us. She already hates us enough for bringing her to get some level of treatment, can you imagine what will happen if we take her to a shrink?" Cristina chimed in. She herself had no idea what to do. She didn't want her person to die, but she knew if they did this, she might die internally.

The three turned to Amelia who stared at Meredith silently. She didn't speak a word when they brought up the suggestion. She barely had spoken a word since after Meredith was admitted, mostly just immersed herself into work and other patients, occasionally going in to speak to Mer but with no success in convincing her to get the scans.

"Amelia?" Cristina probed, but still, no response came.

They all continued to stare into Meredith's room. At some point during their conversation, Meredith must've fallen asleep. Once the four noticed this, they parted from one another's company and went to find something to distract themselves from the situation at hand.

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Amelia sat in one of the comfortable office chairs of the x-ray imaging room, going through the scans for various patients that she had in the past six months. She rolled her eyes, bored out of her mind. She loved being chief of Neuro, but sometimes the workload got to be a bit much.

It wasn't that she didn't enjoy the surgeries, she did. It gave her a thrill that everything else in her life failed to give her. But she wanted free time. She wanted to go out with her friends. To go to the movies or go to a theme park or something, to have time to herself. She never got that when she was with Peter, and after the crash, she tried to avoid her personal life. It always caused so much pain. The most 'personal' time she got nowadays were the four afternoons a week she went to AA. She needed more.

She knew her brother was willing to take the surgeries for her. He practically begged. Amelia just couldn't find it in herself to forgive him for the things he said and did not too far in the past. He was her brother. He was supposed to be on her side, but instead, he was on Peter's. All the love and protection that he'd ever given to Amelia dissipated that night, along with any trust she had in Derek.

And now, one of her closest friends was on the very brink of death and was refusing any form of treatment despite knowing the extent of her problem. She was a doctor, or at least was. Sort of. Amelia wished Meredith would have just used her knowledge and rationality, as a doctor, to realise that surgery and radiation were her best options, especially at this point. Amelia buried her face in her hands and inhaled deeply, and attempt to repress the tears that arose at the very thought of Meredith dying.