i may just take your breath away - jemily college au

Snow

As Emily and JJ walked through the quad, the light filtered down through the branches from the golden lamps, casting a dim yellow light onto them. JJ's hands were tucked into her jacket partially for the warmth her pockets offered, but also to keep herself from nervously wringing them as she glanced over at Emily.

Instead of running away from JJ, slamming the door and avoiding the confrontation, Emily asked JJ to go for a walk. Both girls wordlessly grabbed their coats and walked out into the night with tension buzzing between them.

JJ knew she fucked up. She was terrified that this was the end, that she had broken what was between them forever.

In a panic that afternoon, JJ had walked all the way to the grocery store and picked up all the ingredients for homemade cookies. She hadn't baked in ages, and hoped she could trust herself not to screw them up.

Cookies were important, JJ decided. They were the topic of their first conversation, all those weeks ago. Perhaps they could serve as a peace offering.

It took JJ almost an hour to work up the courage to knock on Emily's door. She knew that she was home, as she heard Derek leave her room earlier that evening. Not that she was eavesdropping, the walls were just thin.

JJ had sat on the floor in front of the door with her cookies in her lap talking herself up for the conversation.

It wasn't just talking to the girl she liked, it was apologizing profusely for her behaviour. Not just ignoring her texts, not just for ending things before they got a chance to start, but for doing that and then going out and hooking up with someone else.

JJ's regret was painted bright red on her neck, in bold hickies that lingered for days after her drunken hookup with Elle. The next morning, Penelope calmly helped JJ cover them up, but no matter how much foundation she smeared onto her pale skin, the welts remained visible.

The anger on Emily's face was enough to send JJ into a spiral that was only somewhat halted by the comforting presence of Penelope Garcia, though her kind demeanour could only go so far to assuage JJ's immense guilt.

She remembered that night, almost two months ago, when JJ had burst into their dorm's kitchen with a mug in her hands, feeling absolutely devastated. She remembered telling Emily about her boyfriend. She remembered Emily's words: "What really matters is if you enjoy spending time with him."

When she had said that, JJ had been forced to realize that her answer was no. But, with Emily, it was a resounding yes. JJ enjoyed spending time with Emily. So much that it hurt to be apart.

JJ missed Emily with every fibre of her being. She missed her laugh, the way Emily looked at JJ through her lashes, and the way their hands fit together perfectly. JJ missed the comfortable silence between them and the times they talked for hours, conversations blending together so much that she couldn't tell where one ended and the next began.

She walked awkwardly, staring at the ground, unsure of what she was supposed to say. She wanted Emily to scream, and yell, and beg JJ to explain what the fuck was going on. She wanted to beg for her forgiveness. She wanted to be cussed out. She wanted anything but this awkward silence between them.

"I'm sorry," JJ said, making the first move. "I'm so sorry."

Emily remained silent.

"It's no excuse but when I got home, on Thanksgiving, I found out my dad had left us," JJ began to explain. "He just up and left."

JJ began to seethe as her heartbreak over his decision had turned to anger.

"And I was left in this empty house with my mom. I just felt so unbearably alone."