All Tears Fall Silent

~Chapter 2~

But do I really expect people to answer me? Of course not. It just makes the realisation of my depression a bit more aware each time, I guess.

"For what?"

Wait. WHoa. Hold on.....he just answered me?? I stare up at him, hopeful it wasn't just another mind trick I pulled on myself.

It's at this very point in time I realize I've just been staring at him like he's jesus himself or something (and just to get the record straight, I don't believe in all that, but I don't think anyone of any other religion is wrong. Everyone has a right to believe in whatever the hell they want, so I don't judge.)

I clear my throat, but it's still froggy. "For um.... ya know.. you having to be grouped up with the worst possible people. I mean, I didn't help at all with the rough draft and I'm reallyyy sorry." By the end of my awkward apology, my gaze is right back at me shoes again. They're just so interesting I can't stop looking at them.

He chuckles in a cute way. And before you make assumptions, I DON'T LIKE HIM! I basically call everybody cute. Even ants. They're all cute. And unless you're a person I have a good reason to truly dislike in my mind (like if you're a homophobe, or a bully, or anything bad in my strange opinion) you have most-likely been thought of as adorable by me. Just saying.

"Nahhhh, don't worry about it." I nod while staring at my shoe laces now, and continue to wear my always-so-convinsing smile nobody ever seems to overlook, which is PERFECTLY FINE by me!

I can feel his eyes staring at me, studying me. Judging me. And so I pretend to be observing the trees. Ahh... such beautiful trees. I mean look at those leaves. They're green and whoa look a bird. Bird's are cute. I've always admired people that go to parks by themselves and feed the birds and other animals. It's a really kind thing to do. I wish I could do that. Maybe I could sing some Mary Poppins while I'm at it? Ya know what's strange.......I've never exactly been a fan of that movie! Call me strange, I know. It's just..yeah. Oh, and i don't like pumpkin pie. That also causes much judgement but eh, I understand. Pumpkin pie is amazing to everyone. To not like pumpkin pie is to be weird and different. To be different is to be an outcast. But also to be your own person. Because when you're always alone like that, who are you trying to prove or make proud? No one but yourself.

I gaze up at the sky. Why's it here? Why's anything here?? I actually am a believer in the Big Bang theory (the scientific theory, not the hilarious show I watch when I drown in my own boredom.) But it's not a choice I made, to not have a religion. Trust me, it'd be pretty nice to have something to believe in! Sorta like a child'a santa clause...

Do you ever experience this annoyance when you think of one confusing topic? Like all of the sudden your own thoughts whirled together to produce this monstrocious black hole of ideas and feelings. The more you try to make sense of it, the further you sink into this trap of constant thoughts. It's like hell being trapped in your own mind, ya know?

That whole "thought black hole" thing happens to me every time I begin to think of "God", or time travel, or just plain life! That's why I hate the term "have you lose your mind?" If you're going "crazy", then MOST of the time it's simply because you got sucked into your mind, and trapped there. See because: not thinking causes idiocy; while over-thinking causes questions. Confusion. Mental breakdowns. More questions. More confusion!!!

And because none of these questions your brain thirsts to solve, are ever answered... Your brain is never satisfied. The brain is a very complex system, and its' works baffle me every single day.

So when you're what some may call a loner, or what others may call an outcast... All you're stuck with is really just yourself. Your thoughts are included.