Twin Souls

⚘6⚘

"What are you doing?" he asked, his eyes still closed. I giggled in response.

"Fleur..." he groaned in annoyance.

"Fleur?" I asked in confusion.

His face twitched in realisation before scratching his head nervously.

"Fleur parce que ta beauté et ta sensibilité m'en rappelle une. (Flower because your beauty and your sensitivity reminds me of one.)"

"Smooth," I gushed with a grin, adding a playful eye roll. "Which flower in particular?"

"A rose because you have many layers that cover your heart," he replied, opening his eyes.

"That's nice," I said, my eyes meeting his. The cheery honey eyes I grew accustomed to faded, replaced by dark, diluted ones. The atmosphere grew tense as time passed by. Butterflies wouldn't be the right description to explain what was happening to me at that moment.

"Let's see what you were doing while I was asleep," Abel said, breaking the suffocating silence.

" Hm? "

He seized the sketch book from my hand and looked at it with a mischievous grin.

"You're too cute for your own good, Fleur," he stated, smiling while shaking his head.

"Ah...."

"Am I embarrassing you?" he asked, now inches away from my face. I could only nod in response.

He chuckled quietly, taking my hands in his and caressed them with his thumbs. Then he gently kissed my knuckles and said, "You're an amazing artist. I think you should pursue it one day."

"If only I was bold enough to tell my parents. I don't think being an artist is something they had in mind for me."

"You should tell them when you're ready. Their reactions might actually surprise you."

"Yeah, yeah," I trailed off, looking at him. "They don't even know that I can draw."

"How did you succeed in hiding that?"

"It was the only gift they didn't notice. Perhaps my intelligence and outspoken personality outshone it."

"It could be the case. I'm keeping the drawing though."

"Consider it a gift," I lazily smiled.

"Stay safe," he said, kissing my knuckles one last time before my eyes closed.

end of dream state.

My body and hands still tingled as I laid on my bed with a smile. I took out my sketch book and pencil from my nightstand, recreating the drawing from my dream. I smiled in content and stashed it under my bed.

My euphoric state was interrupted by my trembling body. My stomach growled and sweat drenched my clothes. My breathing increased and my mind was at a full blown war with my body.

I was ashamed to admit to myself that my body reacted that way due to my deprived eating. My memory could not pinpoint the last time I ate consecutive meals. My body could not take it anymore but my mind refused to listen.

"Just go downstairs and find something to eat," my body reasoned.

"No, it's 2 AM and you're not hungry," my mind argued.

"I don't care. I'm hungry."

"You're the reason why we can't look the way we want to look."

"And you're the reason why I lack the energy to do so."

"I'm sorry but I can't allow you to do it."

"I'm sorry because I will but I don't know if I could stop."

I tip toed to the kitchen and ended up eating a large bowl of cereal, bread, fruits and potato chips within two hours. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't stop. I deprived myself from food for a long period to the extent that flavours tasted distinct to me. My mind manipulated my relationship with food and body image and there was nothing I could do about it. Frustration took over my emotions.

"YOU RESTRICTED YOURSELF FOR MONTHS TO JUST REMAIN AS FAT AS YOU ARE. WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS ANYWAY? YOU WON'T GET SKINNY NO MATTER HOW LONG YOU ABSTAIN FROM FOOD. JUST GIVE IT UP!" my body cried.

I helplessly laid on the kitchen floor, gripping my body with my hands as the tears slowly but surely drenched me.

My body won but the guilt was overwhelming.

This chapter was short but very emotional. Sanaa just experienced her first breakdown. How will she bounce back from this?

I used Google translate for the French 💀 (big reminder to start learning it again 😑)

-n