Alexandra Weasley: Book 5

55

"See, you and Snape keep repeating that, but what does that mean?"

"Be patient and I'll help you with that." She rolled her eyes. "Now, imagine something blank that you can hold onto. The blue sky as you play quidditch- forget about the game and focus on the colour of the sky. It's calm, it's like an ocean above that never falls. It's a beautiful day." She saw him open an eye. "This only works if you actually try."

"I am trying. That just sounds dumb."

"Rule number three, don't call anything dumb here. There are no dumb ideas." She said. "Do you mind if I touch you?"

"Err- what?" He asked, both eyes fully open.

"Do you mind if I touch you? Your arm, to be precise?"

"Um... no, I guess." He told her. She scooched closer to him.

"Okay. Now, close your eyes again."

He groaned and did as she asked.

"Okay, listen to the water beside you. Hear it lap against the stones." She reached forward. "I'm going to touch you now." She gently grabbed his loose arm and drifted to his palm. She directed it to the water and trailed it to the stream. "Feel the water against your hand. Let it ground you. What are you thinking about?"

"Did Cho really try to hex you?"

"Cho Chang? Out of everything, you're thinking about Cho freaking Chang?"

"Her friend's the one who sold us out."

"I heard. She's stuck in the hospital wing. Sort of wish it was Cho, to be honest. What I'd give to see her like that. Whatever, that's not important. Harry, focus. Try to think of nothing. Try to empty your mind."

"Sorry for saying you'd be exactly like Snape. You don't teach anything like him."

"He's very much a 'if it works, it works' type of person. Intimidation works on students, so he intimidates. That way, you prevent explosions in the potions lab. He taught me, and it worked. So he tried to teach you the way I was taught. The problem is, I had a little more experience than you when he taught me. I'd been trying to defend myself against mental attacks, and I'd been trying to break out against influences against my mind. It was easier to teach me, probably. Plus, I've read quite a few books. He didn't know that I had experience, so teaching me was a lot different." She explained. "And I was being taught to protect my mind against intrusive thoughts. Internal conflict. You are being taught to protect yourself against external influence."

"What intrusive thoughts?"

"How to conjure a happy memory and make it stick. I was learning how to produce a patronus."

"The dragon."

"Actually, I had a different patronus."

"What? It can change?"

"Yeah. So when I was first learning to produce a patronus, none of my happy memories worked. Everything I thought of- my parents, my siblings- all of it was shadowed by the darkness I'd suffered. My first try was my last birthday. When I got my Hogwarts letter. I was happy, but then I remembered I didn't get to go to Hogwarts that year."

"So how did you get over it?"

"I studied occlumency. Learnt how to compartmentalise. To put away my dark emotions and try to be happy. At least for a moment."

"When did your patronus change?"

"Well, took a couple years. I had to grow and develop. I never really liked my patronus. It always represented a part of me that I hated. I had to learn not to and to accept that sometimes you do what you have to to survive. It doesn't mean that's all you are."

"My patronus is a stag. It's the same one as my father's was."

"That's nice."

"My father was a bully. Everyone always talked about what a great man he was, but he was a bully and he was cruel."

"You got into Snape's memories." She said slowly.

"How did you know?"

"Because Snape wouldn't willingly have a heart to heart with you."

"Oh. Wait, how do you know?"

"Snape willingly had a heart to heart with me." Harry looked skeptic. She sighed. "I can feel your anxiety from here. You're not going to be able to learn to occlude until you understand how to solve your thoughts."

"Malfoy saw me in my last session with Snape. Snape told him I was there for remedial potions. He still hasn't said anything, but I know he will. It's only a matter of time. He's just waiting for the most humiliating moment."

"He's not going to say anything." Harry scoffed. "No, really. He told me what he saw. He also said he'd let this one go, just this one time."

"Why would he-?"

"Because I asked him. He's my friend."

"Why?"

"Everything's different for you. It's all clear cut. Good versus evil. He was eleven when you decided he was evil."

"He is."

"No, he's not. He's just a boy."

"He's cruel."

"It's easy for you, isn't it? Everything's black and white. There's no grey."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"For some of us, it's not easy. It's complicated and messy. It's hard. You get to be sure of what's good and what's bad. You're inherently righteous. You're a hero and you never have to question that. Sure people might turn on you, but never the ones that truly matter."

"It's not that hard to make the right choice."

"It can be. Maybe not for you. But Draco was raised by Lucius Malfoy of all people, and the blood that runs through my veins comes from the man who ordered the death of the boy that I loved. Life is complicated in different ways for different people. But if you don't give someone a chance, you just push them to the opposition."

A/N- Lmfao, Harry's just like 'say what?'

Anyways, favourite line is "Cho Chang? Out of everything, you're thinking about Cho freaking Chang?"

Or "Snape willingly had a heart to heart with me." Harry looked skeptic.