𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 || 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐄𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐀𝐔

Chapter Twelve

"No, no it's fine. Uh how did you know where I lived?"

I saw a blush begin to spread across her cheeks as she put her head down.
"I...I may or may not have watched you walk home on a few of our hangouts."

"So you're stalking me now?" I laughed.

"Very funny. No, I was just worried about you. Are you okay?"

That's where I froze up. I mean I wasn't okay but do I want her to know that? Do I lie and say I'm fine or do I tell her the truth?

"I...no I'm not. I am far from okay."
My voice broke as I started tearing up and I circled my arms around my stomach.

Billie noticed and she got up off my bed to gently cup my face.
"Hey, it's okay. Talk to me Elle, did something happen?"

"I um, I-I tried to eat a full meal. Just like a sandwich and some chips. And I did."

"Okay, but that's great! That's amazing!"

I teared up more seeing how happy she was of me. It almost made me sick to my stomach as I shook my head in shame.

"No, Billie. I..I did eat it yes but...I threw it up a few minutes later." My cries took over the last part of my sentence and I had to cover my mouth to keep the sobs in.

Billie didn't say anything. Not there was much she could say to make this situation better. So she just put her arms around me and pulled me in for a hug. But that was also ruined as I winced from the pain of my fresh cuts across my stomach.

"What's wrong?"

I didn't say anything and backed away from her as I wrapped my arms around my stomach.

"Elle. Did you hurt yourself?"

I clenched my jaw to keep myself from crying anymore, avoiding her eyes.

"Did you hurt yourself because of what happened?"

"I deserved it." I mumbled under my breath.

"Don't say that."

"It's true."

"No it's not. You may think you deserve it but you don't. It is not your fault. Trust me Elle I've been in your shoes and as much as you think it is your fault and you deserve everything you're doing to yourself, you don't. I promise you you'll get through this. Okay? I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you will."

Her hands rested upon my arms, gently rubbing them.

I shook my head in disbelief.
"How?"

"Time. Give yourself time, I told you it won't happen overnight. And how about starting small, okay?"

I nodded my head as she smiled a little bit.
"Good. Is that why you weren't at school?"

"Well I left yesterday cause I felt lightheaded and today I didn't come in cause I still felt lightheaded and that's why I tried to eat something."

"Okay. That's good that you tried to eat but don't push yourself Elle. Yes, you do need to eat but maybe start small, you know like smoothies or fruit or something. These things take time so don't rush it okay?"

Her hand came up to cup my face softly. I leaned into her touch. Her hands were always so soft.
"Yeah. Okay."

"Hey, listen if you don't feel comfortable going on that date we can cancel it. We don't have to do it."

Instantly I shook my head.
"No. No I still want to go. It's okay Billie, I'll be fine."

She didn't believe me. It was obvious, it was written all over her face. But regardless she smiled a little bit and nodded her head.

We stood awkwardly for a second as she just stared at me. A look I couldn't quite describe displayed on her face. She cleared her throat after a while as she backed away from me.

"Okay well uhh I should probably go. I'm glad you're alright and you know breathing still umm, I'll see you at school tomorrow?"

I chuckled and nodded my head.
"Yeah. You will."

"Great. Okay well, bye Eleanor." She said softly. Almost like she didn't wanna say bye. I didn't really want her to leave either.

"Bye, Billie." I replied, the same sad tone laced in my voice.

And out my door, down the stairs and out my house she went. I sighed as I leaned my head against my bathroom doorframe.

God what is this girl doing to me? I've never felt this way about anyone before let alone another girl.

But whatever it was, whatever I was feeling.

I think I liked it.

★  ★  ★  ★  ★

A/N: I'm glad you guys are enjoying this book as much as I'm enjoying writing it

Love y'all and remember to take care of yourselves.

Drink some water, eat some good food and all that 💕