UNDESERVING

Chapter 25

How did I even drink those charm potions given to me, how, when and where? Where they mixed in my drinks or in the water used in cooking for me? I really do not know their reason for doing all these, all I know is that no one should be trusted in this Palace..I really wish my Gulf was here to help me out

Gulf....I wonder how he's doing, does he still remember me? Does he hate me now? Well I guess he does..he has all the right to hate me after everything I did to him.

Heavens please forgive me, Gulf please forgive me, I'm sorry my children

I couldn't even get to carry my daughter or even know her name, I tried killing her..I'm really a monster, I do not deserve Gulf...

Once again I am wallowing in pain and self-hate but that is because I have come to realize that...

I am UNDESERVING of Gulf.

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After so many weeks, finally I have stepped out of my chambers.

Many servants and guards looked at me with many emotions on their face, some looked happy? Some looked shocked? Some with pity? Some with hate? I couldn't describe some. Did they know everything that happened to me? Well I deserve their hate, I am just a very bad monster.

As I crossed they all bowed at me respectfully, at least I had their respect even though I didn't deserve it.

If my mother and strangers hate me already, how then would Gulf's hate for me be?? Beyond the world I guess

Gabriel? He hates me already I know that. He hasn't even come to see visit me from the day I got my consciousness back and I knew from Guard Feng that he doesn't even want my name to be mentioned to him....What did I do to deserve all these?

I headed majestically to the imperial court like a King should..even though maybe I don't even deserve the position of leading my people.

As I entered everyone rose up and bowed to me...this means they still accept me as their King?

Even emotions were wiped off my face as I headed to my throne. The throne of my late Father, I promise to set things right Father..

We talked about every single thing in the meeting, I am happy to have potential elders here that took care of things in my my absence.

It was 5:30pm when we were finally done. I finally decided to visit my son in his chambers...I hope he really forgives me..I also want to tell him the news of bringing his mother back.

Now,I am in front of his door but I can't seem to be brave enough to knock or push through the door. What if he really doesn't want anything to do with me, I cannot imagine my child not wanting me..Heavens please help me through this.

I had to knock and go in because the guards in front of my son's chambers were looking at me weirdly..I shouldn't look weak in front of them but before I entered I told them to all leave and come back when I ask of them..

I asked them to leave their duty post because I was scared..scared that they might hear whatever harsh words my son might throw my way.

Inside, Gabriel was on his bed drawing on some scrolls...maybe he hasn't noticed me yet and if he did noticed me, then he's doing a good job in pretending I aren't here.

I looked at what he was drawing, it was a drawing of a man holding a small baby in one of his arms and in his other arm he was holding a small boy of maybe five years?? Then I read the words beneath the drawing..it read:

"MY HAPPY FAMILY"

It was then I realized that he drew Gulf, his baby sister and himself...I gulped hard, what about me Gabby?? I wanted to ask but I decided not to because I deserved whatever I was getting.

"What can I do for you?" Gabriel suddenly asked..that means he already knows that it was me

"Gabby please can I talk with you?" I said in a pleading tone

"We are already talking,aren't we?" he coldly said..on the brighter side, with this voice of his,people would surely respect him. My son would really make a good ruler of the Kingdom.

"Gabby I am really sorry for everything I did to your mother, sister and you. I know I have no excuse for what I did but Gabriel I really love your mother, I love you all..I-I am really sorry, forgive me son" I said almost at the verge of tears,I really don't know what else to say

"Are you done Father? Your apologies won't bring my mother back and won't also take all the pains you have caused us especially my mother so please leave me alone" He said still in the same cold manner, I can't believe I failed as a father, your life is really pathetic Mew..you have turned your son to be mean as cold

"Baby please don't talk like this, I am really sorry but I have good news for you, your mother would be coming back..I have sent someone to look for him, don't be angry at me baby..Daddy is really sorry" I knelt before him taking his soft little hands into my rough big palms but he quickly removed his hands from mine and turned around, his back was now facing me

"He should come back for what?? For you to continue torturing him and my sister??? Or for you to marry that Prince Song in his presence..how wicked" he mockingly said

'What?'

"Wait son, no..not at all..I can never do that to your mother, no one can ever replace him in my heart and life, I am not marrying Prince Song,not now, not ever..not even in my next life..it has always been your mother and would always be him, I sorry son..I won't ever repeat my mistakes again, I really really love you all from the depth of my heart" I said trying to stop my tears.
I really have broken the trust my son had in me.

Why is life so cruel?

"If you're done speaking, can you please leave me alone now? I really do not want to see you" he asked

"Ok baby" I said and headed for his door but before leaving I whispered sorry to him once again. Please forgive your Daddy Gabby, it wasn't my intention to hurt any of you, I miss you so much Gulf.

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GABRIEL'S POV

WHAT!!!!!!

My mother is coming backkkkk!!!!!!!!!!....yehhh!!!

I quickly stood up after my father left and started jumping up, I am really happy right now, my beautiful mother would be back for me, I would see him again and I would also see my little sister again..Dad made me so happy right now but I won't let him know that hmphh..

"Mom and Ava you both should hurry up, I miss you both so much..I don't think I can stay any longer without you two, Mommy come back fast...

Gabby is still waiting for you.