A Heart To Keep (A Michael Jackson Fanfiction)

CHAPTER 30- I Can't Make You

I started to think about the things that might've been. The things that could've happen if it wasn't for my stupid heart. I wanted to live normally for the past thirty years of my life, but every day I lived in constant fear because nothing that I have is considered normal. It limited me to do the things that I wanted to do, to love the person I want to love, fearing that it might affect the way my heart works.

It wasn't always rainbows and butterflies for me, and it sucks to know that I have been living like this for most of my existence.

Am I truly happy?  Is it my fault that I got cheated on? Is it my fault that I have to beg for love from my father that was never given? Is it my fault that I have this stupid disease that can kill me anytime?

Sure, I've got a stellar job, a loving mother, a supportive friend, and a boss, but what else? Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for everything that I have, even if that includes a disease, but I know deep down that there's something missing.

My mind immediately shifted to the one person I know will answer my question, who might be the one that could fill that void. Unfortunately, he's already tied to someone else. This is a great example of bad timing, even if the universe gave us a chance to meet. I, however, cannot risk it, at least not now.

I lifted my head and my eyes landed on the piano Michael gave to me as a gift. It's very thoughtful of him to even think that I would play again, even if I already told him, clear as day, that I don't play anymore. I stopped playing because I had to.

I sat on the bench and lifted the cover and revealed a sequence of black and white keys that I dearly miss. The memories of me happily playing played in my head, but the sickness that I had when I was still studying music was that I never finish a piece. And then, I lost all motivation to continue, adding the fact that I saw with my own two eyes how happy my father is with his family.

I wanted to be better for him, to be the best in whatever I do, that is why I gave up music and took architecture. I wanted him to know that I can also do what his daughter can do, but I can be better. When he saw me for the first time in years, he immediately knew, but his daughter didn't. She was clueless as to why his father acted that way, but I just introduced myself as a nobody, since that is what I am to him. I voluntarily gave up, after seeing how innocent her daughter is and I don't want to ruin a family, even if he ruined mine.

I built up that wall so high, but Michael has his ways of tearing them down, and I am frightened by how easily he can do it.

(a/n: play the track, you'll understand)

I start to lay my fingers on the keys, slowly finding the right notes to press down. I let my hands run along as I word the thoughts in my head.

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, and tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me

Then an image of Michael appeared and it made my heart ache even more.

I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I'll feel the power
But you won't
No, you won't

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't, if you don't

A drop of tear trickled down my cheeks as I see the images of us having a great time and enjoying each other's company. But now that Brooke is already here, and my condition is getting worse, it would only mean that I need to sacrifice any feelings I have towards Michael if it's the only way to save myself.