Loki's Assassin (Loki x Reader)

Chapter 9 : And so She's Determined to Regain Her Memories

"Don't worry... We will figure it out... But... You may not want to remember." Loki says refusing to make eye contact with her.

"Why?" She looks at him nervously. "What's on that rock?"

"Tony should still be sleeping we will get him later. I'll read to you until you fall back asleep." Loki got up and went to the side of the bed that he was sleeping on, grabbing the book. As he got under the covers he tapped her bed again, telling her to lay down next to him. As she sighed in defeat and got up on the bed and saw the fear in his eyes. This look was not something she had every seen in Loki. In the short amount of time that she knew Loki, he handled things in a similar way that she did and that was to basically avoid and deny. Absent mindedly she hugged him. Y/N did not know why she did this nor did she know if Loki wanted someone hugging him or seeing him like this. 

"We are friends. You even said so." She started as Loki just froze, not used to the affection he was receiving. "I'm terrified to know the truth and I have always had a hunch that my nightmares were memories. But I don't think I want to live the rest of my life not knowing. So it may be terrible but it's a part of who I am. And if you ever want to tell me what happened to you on that rock... Just know I'll listen." Loki was beyond shocked but he wrapped one arm around her. Y/N was surprised but then noticed that she was shaking herself. 

"You are that determined to find regain you're memories then Little Assassin?" Neither moved from the hug they were in. Y/N just nodded and then rested her chin on the top of his head. She was angry with herself. She never liked showing her emotions to anyone, even Clint and Natasha. In this short amount of time, she had shown more emotions to Tony and Loki than she has to anyone but Fury since Lilah. As she was lost in thought Loki tapped her shoulder and she let go and sat on her knees, making eye contact with him. "I have shown you sides of myself that I haven't let slip through since I was younger, so I understand your frustration." She gave a soft smile.

"But afterwards... I feel lighter..." Y/N then lays down under the covers, scooching closer to Loki. She lays her head on his chest. "I would like to do that for you whenever you are ready to talk about it."

"Maybe someday Little Assassin. Let's try and get some sleep. We have training and working towards getting your memories back." 

"You keep saying we. You don't have to help me if you don't want to..." 

"It's as you said... We are friends." Y/N smiled at hearing it.

"Don't go soft on me now." Loki chuckled.

"Wouldn't dream of it Little Assassin." Loki started reading more of the book to her and when she looked up she noticed a small smile on his face. Her attention was then taken back to the book as she slowly started to drift back off into sleep. 

----

When she fell asleep Loki just laid there watching the rain hit the window. He had his arm around his new friend as she slept. His mind was racing and he couldn't shut it off. Out of pure anxiety he started to play with her hair. He looked down at her sleeping face, she must have been having a good dream since she was smiling.

"Little Assassin?" He whispered. She stirred a little but didn't wake. "I fear what you have been put through... I fear that it will bring you nothing but anguish... but if it is your memories that you want I will help you." He kept playing with her hair as he looked around her room. There was her reading nook that was just a disaster. Multiple books, as if she was reading more than one at a time, were haphazardly strewn about it. There were soft blankets and scratch marks, no doubt from her stabbing the walls in there while she read. Everything else almost looked not lived in. As if she were planning to leave as soon as possible. Then he saw one of her nightstands that had a picture of her and Fury on it. It wasn't a recent picture since Fury had a child Y/N on his shoulders.

"So that's why she cares about what he thinks." Loki said to himself and then looked at the wall passed the night stand that had a bunch of dagger marks on it and a few daggers sticking out of the wall from earlier. They definitely looked different than the ones in her reading nook, in a way they looked more erratic. "So violent you are Little Assassin." He chuckles to himself. He then thought about how panicked she was and that she said throwing the daggers helps her calm down. How many panic attacks has she had? How many nightmares? 

Loki contemplated these things and then looked down as Y/N gripped his shirt. She curled up closer to him and he gave a soft smile. She slept like a child clinging to her teddy bear. He then shook his head irritated with himself. How could he be so intrigued by her in this short amount of time? She even hugged him tonight when the first time she met him she was ready to kill him. Y/N was also smart and witty with a realistic view on things other than herself. She is not afraid to do what needs to be done in order to accomplish assignments that she is given, even if she doesn't necessarily agree with the methods. She is not afraid to speak her mind and, though she tries to hide it, she is very kind. She loves books almost as much as he does and is all about music. Loki quickly stopped himself from thinking when Y/N threw a leg over his leg and wrapped her arms completely around his waist.

"Seriously?" He whispered with a slight chuckle. She squeezed tighter as if she were going to lose him in a crowd, so Loki turned to his side and pulled her into him. He peaked into her mind a little to see that she was fearful of loosing what she has like she lost Lilah. Loki rubbed her back a little bit. "You won't lose anymore friends Little Assassin."

"Thank you Loki." She said sleepily. Loki blinked surprised but smiled and fell asleep. For the first time in a while he felt safe.